Midlife Dimensions

www.MIDLIFE.com

Christmas Day - 2012

7:06 PM

Swan

Pualani - I believe so, when we can't or don't forgive, it isn't the person that we are punishing it is ourselves.

7:08 PM

Pualani

Swan @:07 I believe that is so true! And LOVE I believe is the key to it all. As in Corinthians, ' but these three remain, faith hope and love, but the greatest of these is love'

 

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New Year's Eve - 2012

6:47 PM

dumbfounded2

Bill - I have stopped extending invitations, preparing him food, doing his laundry...not because I don't love him, but because I felt like I was prolonging his journey by continuously reassuring him and maybe sometimes making him feel even guiltier. Your insight on this is appreciated. I just don't feel I need to keep reminding him of my commitment as he knows it is there. Also, by helping my sons understand that this is a transition of a man's life, it's the best way to help them with emotions and dealing with things. I certainly want them to avoid a drastic midlife journey if at all possible.

6:47 PM

bill

dumbfounded2: Before I answer the question you posed, let me say that the best thing you can do for your sons to help them avoid a MLC is encourage them to grow. Most men neglect to set personal growth goals and trust that they will instinctively become who they need to be. Men who set goals and make plans to be better with each passing year tend to go through the midlife transition much better. This is one of the reasons we set up a character goal each year with our sons. You can read about how we did it in The 10 Best Decisions Every Parent Can Make. Now for your question, I think there is wisdom in not doing laundry, cooking and other regular behaviors. The reason is that MLC is about a critical decision in life. Men need to decide if they will "finish the course" of the life they have been building for twenty years. People tend to put off decisions until they feel they must make a choice. By imposing a little discomfort, you are doing what you can to encourage the decision.

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Mother's Day - 5/8/11

7:27PM

MAS

Cricket I tried to explain to him that there needs to be a balance, but of course he doesn't want to hear it. I do think that is what caused one of the big problems in our marriage..the lack of time together.

7:28PM

Cricket

MAS - YES but we can't explain things to them. If your H admitted that this was at least as much his fault, he'd have no excuse for his behavior and he isn't ready to change yet.

 

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Christmas Eve - 2012

6:59 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 I know that but right now I have reached a wall again... it's always in my face and most times I manage to move through just overwhelmed with other things too... be nice if our new master could be finished... I got the spare bedroom cleaner again and other parts of the house too so that has helped!

7:01 PM

dumbfounded2

buttons- Knock that wall down and march on girl! You can do it. If you can live with your H while he goes through this madness, you are stronger than I am. I couldn't do it. I know how miserable H is making me while he is out of the house, but I know if he were here going through this I would have a fit. I understand how his disinterest and attitude can work on your nerves and emotions.

 

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Thanksgiving - 11/22/12

6:44 PM

misdiz

swan - yes I'm not going to go. Now if I could only stop checking his phone records......

6:46 PM

swan

misdiz - YOU CAN, you don't want to, but again you are the only one you are hurting by looking. Knowing what is on his phone records isn't going to change anything, just create hurt for you and extreme anger and mistrust by him when he finds out and eventually he will, they always do somehow.

 

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Father's Day - 6/19/11

6:21 PM

challenger3

cricket I have read that it does take 5 years. I know he has to go through the process. One of his friends bought him a ticket to visit California so he leaves tomorrow morning at 6 a.m. My understanding is there are no girls going but I do not know for sure. I told him to have a good time and kissed him good bye. You could see the tension, anxiousness and anger on his face.

6:23 PM

Cricket

challenger3 - I actually think that it is good if they do guy things. My H always wanted to go on a guy’s motorcycle across country.   He didn't do that until he split with the OW but has done it now. Those things can really help them work through fantasies.

 

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July 4, 2011

7:06 PM

challenger3

dani I have asked this question of others but have not received any answer. Do you think there is any merit to the fact that he has not removed pictures of us off his facebook page and has actually kept them in his profile.

7:09 PM

dani

Challenger...I know that we want to read something into everything they do. The thing is, about MLC....their brains are all over the place....so something that seems very logical and meaningful to us.....they don't even notice.     However!!!...I DO know (according to him) that my husband did think about me, the family, our life, the confusion in his brain...etc....and I am certain your h is doing the same thing

 

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New Year's Day - 1/1/11

3:46 PM [surety] Cricket : I will ... I think he is a little leery. I will ask again, if that would be an option for him.... I see how it goes. He has told me I am to serious, I think this roller coaster, keeps us very guarded, and serious.

3:48 PM [Cricket] Surety - Yes it's hard to lighten up. Jo used to make some notes of something cute or funny to share as she knew she'd freeze up being nervous. I'd have some light things to share or a reason to call and share something funny to open that door.

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Valentine's Day - 2/14/11

8:07 PM [doveseyes] bill...I am doing horrible. Just found out a potential health problem that could be bad. I informed my h who said well, I care about you as the mother of my kids by I don’t love you and I want a divorce. then he spent times with each of our kids and bashed me. told them all the reasons he left and pursued tons of women. what say you?

8:07 PM [Bill] Doveseyes: First of all, I am so sorry. In a perfect world, things like this would never happen and I know it breaks your heart to hear such things. Give yourself permission to grieve because these things overwhelm the heart and build up intense emotions which need to be relieved somehow. Then pray like crazy for wisdom to know how to respond. Defending yourself to your kids or retaliating won't do you any good. I think we can all agree to pray for you and ask God to do a physical healing and a healing of the heart.

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud