Midlife Dimensions

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Easter Sunday 2016

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - Do you remember feeling that you were unsure what and when to say anything to your H? Sometimes I feel so bad for him, but I know that he would reject my compassion if I voiced it, so I remain silent but supportive

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - I had plenty of conversations in my "head" that were totally different from what came out of my "mouth." And if I had nothing nice to say--saying nothing was the better choice. It does take some practice, but it is possible!

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March 27, 2016 /Sunday

Kmkrn: Happy Easter! He is risen! Thank you Jesus for all that you have done for each and every one of us.

Kmkrn: Swan - Thank you for my new icon!

Kmkrn: Welcome Beth! I hope you had a good Easter.

Beth: Good evening and I hope you had a good Easter.

Kmkrn: Beth - Great minds think alike!

Kmkrn: Beth - We had both kids and our 23 month old granddaughter. She was catching on to Easter egg hunts and the Easter bunny very quickly!

Beth: It was a quiet Easter. Our church had an Easter Drama both Good Friday and tonight. I went Friday. They did awesome job on it. I believe it. It is getting better every year.

Kmkrn: Beth - That sounds very nice. I went to Stations of the Cross on Friday. It was outdoors and beautiful. We have lots of wildflowers (bluebonnets) here now--everything is so pretty.

Kmkrn: Beth - It's hard to remember everything!

Kmkrn: Hi dumbfounded2 and Little Magpie!

Little Magpie: Hello All, Hallelujah Christ has Risen

Beth: Kmkrn that was nice having your family with you for Easter. It does not take long for the little ones to catch on to anything. They are smart children these days.

Kmkrn: Beth - Yes, she will repeat everything now, so you have to be careful what you say around her!

dumbfounded2: To All - Happy Easter everyone.

Little Magpie: Kmkrn and Beth - Glad that you had a nice Easter. Our plans were canceled because of illness. We made it to church but then home to bundle up and rest. Sore throats, upper respiratory crud and coughs. I have had similar crud since Valentine's Day and 3 rounds of antibiotics.

Beth: Kmkrn we had a little bit of snow Good Friday Night, it gets cold here night time.

Little Magpie: dumbfounded2 - how are you?

Kmkrn: Beth - It was cold here (in the 40's) in the mornings, but warms to the 70's quickly. Spring comes when it is ready. I'm glad though, because it will be too hot soon enough!

dumbfounded2: Little Magpie - Hi. I am doing well. How are you?

Beth: Good evening dumbfounded and Little Magpie. How are you? Glad you could make it tonight.

Little Magpie: Beth - that sounds cold!

Beth: Kmkrn it is not that warm here yet.

Beth: Little Magpie could you have allergies to be sick so long.

Little Magpie: All - we had hail earlier today. Thought it was a huge rain storm but then saw the white pellets bouncing around

Little Magpie: Beth - It could be allergy related but I have a fever along with it.

Kmkrn: All - Sunday evenings seem to be so quiet. I hope everyone is having a nice Easter since they are not here.

Beth: Little Magpie we are in minus Celsius at night and barely in plus during day.

Kmkrn: Little Magpie - That sounds terrible! Is it just you, or everyone in the family "sharing?"

Little Magpie: All - I keep asking my counselor how to do this but thought I would bounce it off your wisdom too. How do I keep from reacting when my husband says something wrong, example he will say that he did what "I wanted" but we were doing what was necessary it wasn't what I "wanted" necessarily.

Beth: Little Magpie where my D lives it was warm enough to wear Capri’s. She went to next town and they had snow and thunder.

Little Magpie: Kmkrn - this weekend, we are "sharing", stuffy noses for a couple with the sore throat and cough but I have had the upper respiratory and plugged ears since February

Little Magpie: Beth - that would be a shock!

Beth: Little Magpie sometimes you can run a temp with allergies. Our son

Kmkrn: Little Magpie - Keep all responses in the "positive." It can be done with practice. Every negative can be turned to something positive, no matter how small. All negatives can be in your thoughts--just practice not saying them out loud. I still have to practice that, but it is possible...

Beth: ran temp when he was small. He had allergies.

Kmkrn: Little Magpie - And when you can't think of anything positive to say--just "zip your lips!"

Beth: Little Magpie I believe we need the Lord to help us not react badly to situations.

Kmkrn: Little Magpie/Beth - Yes, I used to imagine that if my H were Jesus, how would I speak to him? That helped too.

Beth: Little Magpie it also take practice. We are human and have a tendency to fail

Beth: Kmkrn that is a good idea. I have often thought about "what would Jesus do" when making some decisions.

Kmkrn: Beth - You are right!

Little Magpie: That is good advice. It is so difficult when I am so used to defending myself to explain why I think what so we can try to come up with a solution. I felt like going to bed and staying there forever. I hate disagreements and especially those with my H

Beth: Kmkrn but when I did what I thought Jesus would do it came right back to hit me in the face sort of to speak. You can't win sometimes with some people.

Kmkrn: Little Magpie - I agree. It sounds like you need rest more than anything. I hope you feel better soon.

Kmkrn: Beth - That's because people are not Jesus! You are right again!

Kmkrn: ALL - I went with girlfriends to see the movie "Miracles From Heaven." It was very good (and a true story). I highly recommend it!

Beth: KmKrn I have used that thought re one of my sisters and lots of times I ended up hurting. Sometimes I feel I should leave her alone.

Little Magpie: All - At church we talked about how we still have Free Will and we will always be imperfect in this world and that evil will exist in this world because of Free Will, it is good that we have Jesus and what he did on the cross so we can be forgiven when we screw up.

Beth: Little Magpie that is so true. That is why we have sin from the beginning.

Little Magpie: dumbfounded2 - are you doing okay tonight?

Beth: Dumbfounded2 how are you?

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - Yes, you are so quiet.

Little Magpie: dumbfounded2 - were you with your kids today?

dumbfounded2: Little Magpie - Doing good, a little tired from a busy Easter weekend, but doing well. Not a peep from my H and I have been trying to just be still and let God work

Beth: Dumbfounded2 I am glad you had a good weekend and kept busy.

dumbfounded2: Beth - Thanks.

Little Magpie: dumbfounded2 - I am sure it is difficult. You said it was busy, was it a "good busy"?

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - Good idea. I remember thinking that because it was Holy Week, that my H should be struck by lightning and be "cured" from his MLC. God had other plans that ended up working out better than mine.

Beth: Dumbfounded2 holidays can be lonely. I felt bit lonely and time a bit long Saturday and Sunday. But I got through it.

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - I just keep wondering how much longer can this go on, he is obviously miserable, drinks too much to cope, is obstinate at work and is getting more confrontational with his supervisors, cycles between anger and then he loves me, then he disappears, just exhausting to sit and watch

Little Magpie: All - we had a busy week too, besides illness - My H had a large birthday - a "0" birthday and our anniversary is upon us too, with Easter, Good Friday, Maundy Thursday, so I understand that it was "Busy!"

Beth: Little Magpie happy anniversary.

Little Magpie: dumbfounded2 - I am sorry that you are facing this.

Little Magpie: Beth - Thank you

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - I wish I had answers for you, but I do not. I felt more at "peace" when I left my H at the foot of the cross for Jesus to handle. It is not easy. Just take care of YOU--that's enough for now.

Beth: Kmkrn that is all we can do. But the part about it as humans we take them back again sometimes.

Little Magpie: Cricket - Hello

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - Yes I do put him at the foot of the cross, but I keep picking him back up. Five years in, you would think I would have it down by now

Cricket: Sorry all - I was talking with Jo and lost track of time (a member from long ago that many of you wouldn't know).

Little Magpie: All - does anyone know how Plumcrazy is? I miss her and think of her on occasion.

Kmkrn: Cricket - Not Jo? How is she?

Cricket: All - Jo was a member who was restored & remarried her mlc H years ago.

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - He is a stubborn cake in the oven that is not "done" yet; but God knows when that will be.

Little Magpie: Cricket - that sounds wonderful. I hope that they are still doing okay.

Beth: Dumbfounded I have been on this journey a lot longer then you have and I still seem to take my H back from the cross. As time goes on it gets easier to remember to leave him at the cross.

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - Stubborn is an understatement, but pride plays a big part, along with shame and guilt

Little Magpie: Kmkrn - I like that analogy of the stubborn cake.

Little Magpie: dumbfounded2 - as you know I can relate to shame and guilt and it can take a long time to reconcile it, sorry

Beth: Cricket how is Jo doing? I miss her and all the good advice she gave. Also I miss Survived or I believe that was her name.

Cricket: Kmkrn - Jo's H had a stroke not long after they remarried and he'd made a good recovery. He suffered a second stroke about a year ago and was recovering but Medicare discontinued his care. Apparently there was a glitch somewhere and he went without therapy for 6 weeks, was neglected and finally sent home. Jo is caring for him at home but he no longer can speak or move and she has people coming in to help with home care a few times a week.

Kmkrn: Cricket - I remember Jo very well.

Cricket: Beth - You're thinking of AnnaSurvived who is also restored. She's still doing well.

Beth: Cricket I am so sorry to hear that about Jo's H.

Little Magpie: Cricket - I am so very sorry to hear that about Jo's H

Little Magpie: Cricket - how else was your Easter?

Beth: Cricket yes that is who I am thinking about. Two of them encouraged me a lot when I first joined chat.

Cricket: Little Magpie - My Easter was good, special church service and then brunch with friends. The rest I've been home but it's been nice to have a restful afternoon.

Kmkrn: Hi Buttons2! Welcome. Happy Easter!

Little Magpie: buttons2 - Hello

buttons2: Little Magpie I talk to Plum the odd time on FB, she is in the midst of making some decisions around work and advancing, not sure how things are with her and her H

Cricket: Little Magpie - It's possible that you feel a need to defend yourself due to things from the past. Kmkrn is right in that it's important to keep it positive. Most of the time, if you really think about it, others know the truth and there is no need to defend yourself. Often saying nothing is stronger than jumping in to defend yourself. Often your H may say it was what you wanted due to his own insecurity so if that makes him feel better to say that, you know the truth and inside he does too. I wonder what would happen if you said, "Thank You" when he says that. If you just smile and say thank you, he'll be surprised and probably admit it was necessary.

Beth: Buttons there seems to be a few that do not come to chat anymore. Not sure why?

Cricket: buttons - Yes, Plumcrazy sent me messages on facebook asking for advice on a car purchase.

buttons2: Kmkrn hey there. beth I am hanging in, my body has been doing odd things and I have come to realize that my HUGE wild emotional state is a result of that, really struggling with feeling like I have no friends and those I thought were friends I feel like they don't really want to be my friends so, just emotional mess right now, along with still feeling like H came back less connected this time around

Cricket: Beth - Jo asked how she'd get to chat. She's had computer problems so not sure she still can but I said I'd send her the link. She's obviously busy caring for her H.

Kmkrn: Cricket - I have some pajamas that say, "Mrs. Always Right!" Thanks for confirming that.

buttons2: cricket ah ha beth I don't know, it could have been because of the struggles with the service provider for chat, now it's a bit more complicated to get in

Little Magpie: Cricket and buttons2 - If you could tell plumcrazy hello for me, I would appreciate it. She gave me some travel advice a couple years ago.

buttons2: Happy Easter to ALL, we just had our dinner, a friend took our S home and H has crawled into bed, it went from people to none in moments

buttons2: little magpie I can do that

Cricket: buttons2 - Yes it seems more complicated now but they changed to this system to avoid Java because so many people said they couldn't get in due to Java. That's why Laneous and Joey stopped coming.

Beth: Buttons I am sorry you are going through this emotional stage right now. When a person works full time, has housework to do etc and like you papers to correct and lessons to prepare for next day it is hard to make many friends.

buttons2: cricket I totally understand, just wondering if there needs to be a few instructions on the main home page on how to get in now, this program doesn't seem to be causing as many problems for people so maybe they can join us and others (new) too

Cricket: Little Magpie - You may be able to connect with her on facebook.

Beth: Cricket it would be nice if she got in on chat sometime. I would imagine she is busy with her husband too.

buttons2: beth thanks, I just live a busy life, I admit, and then I am an introvert who makes friends by going from zero to sixty in the course of one meeting

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - Do you remember feeling that you were unsure what and when to say anything to your H? Sometimes I feel so bad for him, but I know that he would reject my compassion if I voiced it, so I remain silent but supportive

Kmkrn: Buttons2 - I'm sorry. We would never abandon you! And neither would Jesus!

buttons2: beth are you talking about plum? she's busy with her H some and then she's had a challenging little one she works with and is often exhausted

buttons2: kmkrn thank YOU!

Beth: Buttons there are more than plum who do not get on chat anymore.

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - I had plenty of conversations in my "head" that were totally different from what came out of my "mouth." And if I had nothing nice to say--saying nothing was the better choice. It does take some practice, but it is possible!

Little Magpie: buttons2 - I can relate to the emotional feelings re: friends and my family

buttons2: beth I know and then the numbers seem to have dropped as in new people too. I know swan has been working on changing how the site is found

Beth: Cricket do we sign out or exit? I am sure I saw both on this site?

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn – Yes, the conversations I have with H in my car (in my head) are totally different from those that I actually have with him and God seems to keep saying "be still and be quiet" and let me work.

Cricket: Beth - when you exit here, you get to the small window and click on the blue flower type symbol and hit sign out.

Beth: Cricket thanks. I will get it one of these days.

buttons2: little magpie I have attributed my body's erratic behavior to it changing however most times I've been able to ignore it all, this month it's fried me and I'm a mess, add family and friend challenges and it's throwing me around!

Cricket: button2 - I know you've had a lot on your plate so it's understandable to have all the emotions you're battling. Remember to try the Omega3 supplements. They really help when you're stressed.

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn, Cricket - I think I thought once his affair was over that he would be healed in short time, but I honestly think he is in worse shape now a couple years later and seems to be angry, confrontational at work and feels sorry for himself, so on it goes and it gets discouraging, sometimes he will tell me he loves me, but there are not actions to back it up

buttons2: little magpie I also REALLY just want my evaluation over and have not really been able to prepare the way I really would want to and then reading some professional development books over the break have me feeling like I'm not strong at my job either. sigh

Cricket: All - I know with my niece, she found one of the other sites right away and liked that she could post a question and get an answer back the same day. Once she found this site and got used to the chat style, she loved it but at first it was easier to go to the sites that were more like a blog.

Kmkrn: ALL - Wow! Time flies! Good night all and remember to spend time in prayer with our wonderful Lord and for all those here tonight. Especially those in Brussels and Pakistan. The world is a crazy place--thank God that Jesus has overcome the world!

buttons2: cricket yes, thank you for reminding me. I have some and was going to take them

buttons2: cricket yes, I found other sites first too and agree that being able to post a question is a good thing, having the supported chat is great too

Cricket: dumbfounded2 - Yes I can understand. Remember the affair was just a symptom of the problem. These OW really are just a Band-Aid but the second part is facing the issues that caused mlc.

Beth: Good night to all and God bless!

buttons2: kmkrn HAVE a wonderful week, thank you, so nice to see you again

buttons2: beth Night.

Little Magpie: buttons2 - Don't let the enemy defeat you. You are strong in Christ

Little Magpie: Good Night Beth

buttons2: little magpie thank you

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - I know what you mean, but there is no quick and easy fix to MLC. Your patience will pay off.

Cricket: button2 - You are a really good person with a huge heart. What you're feeling right now is the accumulation of stress

Little Magpie: All - Good Night and may you have a blessed week, hope to see you Wednesday

buttons2: All I am going to head off too. HUGS and prayers for all. cricket Thank You

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - Thanks and I so hope my H can repair his relationships with our sons. I know that would be best for all

buttons2: Night ALL

Cricket: dumbfounded2 - I've faced that with my H too, he ended it with the OW, reconnected with me for a year but never really dealt with the stuff he's carried and buried all these years so he keeps reaching for quick fixes

Dogwood: Sorry be so late, hope everyone had a Happy Easter! I just went out for a hiking and back, so late

dumbfounded2: Cricket - I want mine to deal with his stuff because I do not want to do this again, thank you very much!

Dogwood: Cricket is there a way to help H deal with his "stuff"?

Cricket: dumbfounded2 - I agree. I second guess myself a lot as far as the year my H connected but I realized he immediately jumped from situation with OW, separated, filed for divorce and immediately began seeing me but was just jumping from one situation to another without dealing with anything.

dumbfounded2: Cricket - That is what Tiger's xH is doing right now.

Dogwood: Cricket thanks, I understand your H's way of dealing with his "stuff"

Cricket: Dogwood - Not really until and unless they want to deal with their stuff. It often can help if they see us doing well in our life, happy and enjoying things when they are so miserable. When they see us getting our life together & seeming happy, they want what they see us finding.

dumbfounded2: Cricket - You know my H showed me a bit of what he is thinking back in Christmas 2014 when he told me he hadn't been a good spouse, had struggled with handling rejection at work, etc. so I let him talk and didn't push; now it seems he has made very little progress since that time. I think the drinking and working is just helping him cope from day to day

Dogwood: Cricket thanks, mine is burying his head to all types of sport games on TV and excuses to ball games with his group of friends, distracting from dealing with "issues"

Cricket: Dogwood - It's common for many to deal with it by running. My H's parents and friends feel that my H knows he made a mistake but feels stuck where he is, particularly as the woman he jumped too after being alone & depressed has 4 kids and grandkids and quit work so he is her only support.

Cricket: dumbfounded2 - Yes, they medicate and pour themselves into work to escape and avoid looking in the mirror.

dumbfounded2: Cricket - Well, I am going to bed and get a good night’s sleep. thank you all again for your continued prayers and support

Cricket: Dogwood - Yes that's typical behavior and the more we try to push them for answers, the more they feel smothered and run even more.

Dogwood: Cricket Yes; they got "stuck" with the situation they ran into

Cricket: dumbfounded2 - Yes, I need to get going too. Between being on the phone with Jo and chat, I need to move.

Cricket: All - Good Night.

Dogwood: Cricket: Good night and good week ahead

 

dumbfounded2: Kmkrn - Do you remember feeling that you were unsure what and when to say anything to your H? Sometimes I feel so bad for him, but I know that he would reject my compassion if I voiced it, so I remain silent but supportive

Kmkrn: dumbfounded2 - I had plenty of conversations in my "head" that were totally different from what came out of my "mouth." And if I had nothing nice to say--saying nothing was the better choice. It does take some practice, but it is possible!

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud