Midlife Dimensions

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Valentine's Day 2016

Swan: Beth - I still pray for my husband, I think of him every day and I do love him, but to be honest I don't know if I could be with him again at this time. He is still an angry man from what others say, he throws childish fits, breaks things, he and the other woman have gone to blows (I am told she hits him first, but after awhile, he started hitting back) and I have so much peace in my life now, I just don't know if I would be able to deal with him in this angry state. Actually, I know I wouldn't be able to, I grew up in that type of home, my step father was a violent man and I was his go to target, I cannot, actually will not live that again, not even for my husband. I do have faith that when my husband submits to God's will, the anger will be gone, because God too knows I can't do that life.

Beth: swan I can understand and don't blame you for not wanting that type of life. Nobody wants that. I pray for my H too. But I saw a picture of him while ago and they were gone on holiday visiting her family who had a new baby. He has a dark complexion anyway but with the beard and the clothes he was dressed in he looked like a foreigner. Somebody saw a picture and said he looked like a homeless. He looks worn out and old.

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February 14, 2016 / Sunday

Swan: Hello everyone

Beth: Hi swan how are you?

Beth: Of course when I tried to get in I had more pop-ups slowing me down.

Swan: Beth - I am good. You get pop ups? Only here or other sites as well? I don't get any, but if you are only getting them here, I can ask Lisa why that might be happening.

Beth: swan how did you get that sign by your name?

Swan: Beth - if you send me a picture you want next to your name I can change yours as well.

Beth: swan it is my computer. For some reason I still can't get on chat on my laptop so have to use desktop. They both have virus, they are both old so not sure if I want to spend money on fixing them.

Swan: Beth - or if you want, I can pick one from what I have.

Beth: swan where do I get the pictures? Just a picture I have or can find?

Swan: Beth - yeah just something you have or find most will convert pretty easy.

Beth: Swan I had a dove before. For some reason I always like doves. It reminds me of Jesus being baptized by John and spirit fell on Him like a dove.

Beth: swan ok. Not sure where I can find a picture.

Beth: Isn't Krkrm supposed to be here tonight?

Beth: swan how was your day? As it is Valentine’s Day?

Beth: swan rainbow is nice.

Swan: I believe you correct, but we are here, so I am not stressing it if she doesn't make it.

Beth: swan I seldom see her here. So was wondering if I read the email right or not.

Swan: My day was nice, quiet; my grandson had a water polo tournament, so I have the house to myself.

Swan: Beth - She still facilitates, but doesn't come to chat much else. She may not have seen the email with the schedule; I'll send her a reminder before next week.

Beth: swan I got out of bed so happy went to SS and church. On the way out they gave us a devotional book and it was about devotions about marriage. Later I opened Face book, saw some pictures of couple and of course saw one of my H and ow. Bottom just feel out of my world and felt lonely for the rest of the day.

Swan: You can find all kinds of pictures on line, example: I type graphics of swans in Google and it gives me places to look at them.

Beth: swan that picture id fine you have there for me. I like it.

Beth: swan how long as your H been gone now?

Swan: Beth - I know what you mean, there are times when I feel like a fifth wheel. Last Sunday my son and daughter in law hosted a super bowl party, it was her parents, her brothers and their wives and children, a few of their friends, me and my grandson. With the exception of me and the kids it was all couples, makes for lonely feelings at times, especially during the holidays.

Swan: Beth - my husband has been gone since December 2005, so just a little over ten years.

Beth: swan it sure does. I have good many friends that are either divorced or widows and we do things together. But there are times that it just strikes me so hard this being alone.

Beth: swan mine has been gone over 14 yrs. there was a year or so he would call, text, and even Face timed me. Now he has gone off the face of the earth for me anyway.

Swan: Beth - I don't really have many single friends my age and I work with mostly young people, seems like everyone in my Bible study group is married (there is one single but he is a younger man). But between work and family, I enjoy most of the times when I get alone time.

Beth: swan sometimes I am fine and happy with my life. I thank God for the years we had together and the children we had together. The things we did together and went together but then I get so lonely and miss him, our life together.

Beth: swan I guess I have a lot to be thankful for. There are a few women here not married anymore. I still have some married friends too. But it is not the same as when your spouse lived at home.

Swan: Beth - I don't have any contact with my husband, when he married the other woman she issued the no contact command and he has abided by it. He did call me when I still lived in Missouri, we talked for almost three hours, but I heard a door open and a woman's voice and he suddenly had to get off the phone. In October he came to visit our son, just showed up and was standing in the garage talking with son when I got home from work. I walked right past him and he didn't even acknowledge me, so I kept going.

Beth: swan I can believe that ow would want all contact stopped. I wonder sometimes if ow found out he was contacting me and put clamps on him too. They are like a puppy on a leash. Only allowed to go so far and ow tightens the lease by demanding no contact.

Swan: Beth - I still pray for my husband, I think of him every day and I do love him, but to be honest I don't know if I could be with him again at this time. He is still an angry man from what others say, he throws childish fits, breaks things, he and the other woman have gone to blows (I am told she hits him first, but after awhile, he started hitting back) and I have so much peace in my life now, I just don't know if I would be able to deal with him in this angry state. Actually, I know I wouldn't be able to, I grew up in that type of home, my step father was a violent man and I was his go to target, I cannot, actually will not live that again, not even for my husband. I do have faith that when my husband submits to God's will, the anger will be gone, because God too knows I can't do that life.

Beth: swan sometimes I wished my children lived closer but there is no work here. This province will eventually will be mostly seniors, people on social service and tourists.

Swan: Beth - That is the thing I think I have the hardest time with, my husband was never an under anyone's thumb kind of person, but with the other woman she controls his every movement and that is just not the man I knew from our teenage years until MLC.

Swan: Beth - I will admit the enemy was able to get to me more when I lived in Missouri alone, even with my friends, work, family, etc. It is nice being with my son, daughter in law and grandson and having my daughter and son in law close by.

Beth: swan I can understand and don't blame you for not wanting that type of life. Nobody wants that. I pray for my H too. But I saw a picture of him while ago and they were gone on holiday visiting her family who had a new baby. He has a dark complexion anyway but with the beard and the clothes he was dressed in he looked like a foreigner. Somebody saw a picture and said he looked like a homeless. He looks worn out and old.

Beth: swan the place my children live is so big. I would not want to drive to church or very far up there. I can manage to get to the stores and to each of their place. The older you are the harder it is to drive in 5 or 6 lane traffic and to make friends. I am retired and my children and daughter in law work so I would be alone more there then here. I am involved in things here at least.

Beth: Where is everybody tonight I wonder?

Swan: Beth - My husband works in a profession where he has to dress, but our children and older friends say that when he isn't at work, he looks horrible. One friend made the same comment that he looks like a homeless person. My husband always showered every morning, even days off and I guess he still does, but he will wear the same torn pair of sweat pants and old t-shirt that apparently doesn't get washed daily, doesn't shave, doesn't even comb his hair. It really is a sad thing to hear, because that just isn't who he was.

Swan: Beth - I don't know, yesterday no one came to chat, and Cricket was here by herself.

Beth: swan my H is not that bad I believe. At that time he was in Peru and dressed in their kind of clothes even with one of those big hats on. Re dressing the pictures I| see he looks dressed up. It is just the beard does not suit him and he looks old with a beard.

Swan: Beth - Actually Saturdays are often low in participation and Cricket is the only facilitator able to facilitate, I have been looking at the numbers and am considering taking a poll in regards to eliminating that chat all together.

Beth: swan I wonder if people are having problems getting in. It seems we do not get as many people as we used to. I know for years chat would be full every time.

Swan: Beth - My husband dresses properly for work, but that is it. I am told the other woman refuses to go in public with him because he wears his sweat pants and t-shirt, made me laugh!

Beth: swan it seems the people are not there anymore. Or they have moved on. Or do not know about this website. Or even do not want to save their marriage.

Beth: swan my H wears scrubs for work. But he never wore sweat pants much so I doubt he do now. At least I have never seen him in person or on pictures with them on.

Swan: Beth - I don't know, Lisa and I have both tried to get information about the site out, she stays on top of the internet stuff, but the numbers just don't seem to be there. I agree that many don't seem to focus on saving their marriages. We have had some who came here and they were looking more for permission or confirmation to move on and most of the emails we get support that. I refer all email submits to the chat, but only a few come in, rarely more than a time or two. A lot of them register, but don't come.

Swan: Beth - My husband wore sweats for years when he was in the Marine Corps, that is the attire for physical training, but he didn't live in them, normally took them off after working out and put them in the laundry for me to wash.

Beth: swan I sort of think people do not want to save their marriage anymore. This site is not only about saving your marriage but praying for your spouse and family. About making some changes in yourself with God's help. Support each other. Be there to uplift somebody hurting etc.

Swan: Beth - That is true and there has been some confusion of late about what Midlife Dimensions is about. It really isn't about standing or saving your marriage, it is about Midlife Crisis and how it affects the family, marriage, etc. God help and supporting one another, prayer, and just being here for others hurting because of this mess. Sadly, there are some who have taken the standing for marriage thing to a level, Jim never intended and have sent emails to others who may mention not feeling like standing for their marriage because of the anger or remarriage of their spouse. That causes people to think they will be attacked if they come here for support. When it is brought to my attention, Lisa and I try to address it, but sometimes the damage is already done.

Swan: Beth - there is nothing worse than having someone who is hurting be "confronted" by someone from the group and told how wrong they are for what they say or how much of a sin it is, etc. Even in the prayer group, there have been some who told others they wouldn't pray for them because they don't agree with their requests. It is just sad and only creates more hurt and confusion.

Swan: Well it is the top of the hour, so I think I am going to close chat for tonight. Hope you have a wonderful week.

Swan: Beth - I still pray for my husband, I think of him every day and I do love him, but to be honest I don't know if I could be with him again at this time. He is still an angry man from what others say, he throws childish fits, breaks things, he and the other woman have gone to blows (I am told she hits him first, but after awhile, he started hitting back) and I have so much peace in my life now, I just don't know if I would be able to deal with him in this angry state. Actually, I know I wouldn't be able to, I grew up in that type of home, my step father was a violent man and I was his go to target, I cannot, actually will not live that again, not even for my husband. I do have faith that when my husband submits to God's will, the anger will be gone, because God too knows I can't do that life.

Beth: swan I can understand and don't blame you for not wanting that type of life. Nobody wants that. I pray for my H too. But I saw a picture of him while ago and they were gone on holiday visiting her family who had a new baby. He has a dark complexion anyway but with the beard and the clothes he was dressed in he looked like a foreigner. Somebody saw a picture and said he looked like a homeless. He looks worn out and old.

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud