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Valentine's Day - February 14, 2015

10:45 AM

buttons2

Finding nemo anyway Power Talk goes. Please stop. I don't like it when ______ it makes me feel ______. Next time can you (or maybe its next time I will _____.) I can find the link with the video and you can watch it. I also have it written at school

10:50 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - In agreement with Buttons2 - people are more receptive to "I" comments and almost always immediately close their ears and minds to "you" comments

 

 

 


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February 14, 2015 / Saturday 10-11 am PST / CR#4

10:02 AM

Cricket

Happy Valentine's Day all, welcome.

10:04 AM

swan

Hello everyone

10:04 AM

Finding Nemo

All - Hello Everyone Happy Valentine's Day

10:04 AM

Cricket

Hey Swan & Finding Nemo. Welcome.

10:04 AM

Cricket

Hi Little Magpie.

10:05 AM

Cricket

Hope you all had a good week.

10:05 AM

Little Magpie

All: Good Morning and Happy Valentine's Day! You are all loved very much and have blessed my life richly!

10:06 AM

swan

Good morning all and Happy Valentine's Day

10:07 AM

Cricket

Little Magpie - Thank you, it's such a blessing that we have this site and can bless one another.

10:07 AM

Finding Nemo

Cricket - I can't say that I had a very good week. My boss showed up from out of state unannounced with only the warning that someone was going to get fired. So for three days I sat on pins and needles for her to come and talk to me. I didn't get fired which is a huge praise and relief. She did fire someone though. And then after all of that, I now have a fire burning in regard to my husband and my daughter because of communication issues.

10:08 AM

Finding Nemo

All - I would be lost without you guys right now. So, thank all of you for taking the time to share your love and support.

10:09 AM

Little Magpie

Finding Nemo - what is going on with your d and husband? Thankful that your job is secure!

10:10 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - I can imagine it was stressful worrying that someone was going to be fired. Having been a manager, I can say that I can't imagine showing up with an announcement that someone was to be fired. I do think it's good to stop in unannounced to have a real feel for how things are going. For most, they are doing a good job rather the boss is there or not. Having to fire someone is something that should be confidential and private. What do you mean about having a fire burning with your husband?

10:10 AM

Finding Nemo

Little magpie - its secure for now. The investor from the company is out looking around at what's going on and there has been a lot of finger pointing going on as to why things aren't right in some areas of the country. Of course, being the low man on the totem pole we are catching the brunt of everything.

10:11 AM

Little Magpie

Finding Nemo - so is your location new?

10:12 AM

Finding Nemo

All - last weekend my husband showed up completely unannounced. He talked to both daughter and I for hours. He promised our daughter that he was here for her, he was trying to make his way home and that he would do everything he could to avoid letting her down again. So, she called him on Thursday and they made plans for last night and for next week as well.

10:12 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - It's sad that they wait until there is a problem to visit and evaluate. Generally staying in touch and informed on a regular basis is far more effective and prevents problems from growing.

10:13 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - Wow that is absolutely unprofessional and bullying at the minimum. They apparently manage through fear and that does not make for a pleasant work place.

10:14 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - That sounds good as far as your husband. Did something happen after this communication with his d? We know that often they promise things and then don't follow through, is that what has happened or are you concerned he will fail to show and hurt your d?

10:14 AM

Finding Nemo

All - first I walk in to a girl scout meeting where my daughter is upset. She was so upset she threw a book across the table. Then, she asked me if it would be okay to call her dad and ask if a couple of her friends could come along with them. She asked if they could borrow my car. I said sure. Just like clockwork, I call and he doesn't answer. I text, an hour later still hasn't answered. Daughter gets upset because now her friends are asking what's up with her dad.

10:16 AM

Finding Nemo

All - I explained to her that I did everything I could to get a hold of him - stopping short of what is considered harassment. She is harboring a lot of confusion and anger toward him because of his behavior - says one thing and then does the opposite. She is upset he wasn't available to her for 6 weeks straight and then showed up out of the blue and wants to be a big happy family (her words).

10:17 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - I'm sorry. Sadly this type of let down is so typical for a mlcr but kids don't understand and get their hopes up. Even worse if they include friends. Always good to have a backup plan when a mlcr makes this type of plan to have something fun to do in case they don't show.

10:17 AM

Finding Nemo

All - Her friends were trying to hug her good bye and she just shrugged them off. One girl she turned her back on and just got into the car. She was rude and I did talk to her about it. She thinks I am mad at her. When she came home she went to the basement with a blanket and was crying in a corner.

10:19 AM

Finding Nemo

All - I sent a final text and I asked him to please call his daughter because she is really upset at him. He called about an hour later and it was if he never saw any contact from me at all. He cursed me out and hung up on me. He called me back and things just got worse. Somehow I am the one at fault for all of this.

10:21 AM

Little Magpie

Finding Nemo - I am so sorry! I will be praying that the Lord will keep her heart soft toward her dad. This is NOT your fault and we know he is venting his anger at you instead of taking responsibility for it on his own. Sorry that he reacted like this toward you!

10:21 AM

Finding Nemo

All - He was on his way to get her when he called me, but he decided not to show up because daughter sent him a message asking him not to come. She told him she wants to be alone. He asked what was going on and she told him that I was the problem. I am mad at her. She didn't tell him anything about how she felt. She only let me have it and I understand its' because I am the one that is here. I just feel so helpless.

10:23 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - Curious, how old is your daughter, too young to contact dad herself? If your husband is in avoidance mode with you, it might be an option for her to contact dad, make plans with him on her own and then let you know what they have planned. I do hope her actions don't cost her to lose friends; it can be emotionally breaking when someone treats you so rudely when you are only trying to comfort them and they take their anger at someone else out on you. You definitely have a rough path.

10:24 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - Sadly your husband's actions are his own self loathing and your d is afraid to tell her Dad how she feels for fear of pushing him away. Of course she was hurt but she's also afraid to be honest with him so she pushed things on you as you are safe. Of course that didn't help and is just hurtful to you.

10:25 AM

Finding Nemo

Swan - she is 14. She does try to contact him, but it doesn't matter if it’s her or me that tries to contact him. There is always some excuse as to why he can't be contacted. Yet, his friends and even OW1 is able to get a hold of him just fine. That's what make me so mad.

10:27 AM

Little Magpie

Hi buttons2

10:27 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - He avoids contact with you and your d due to his own guilt but still it is so very hurtful.

10:27 AM

Cricket

Hi buttons2

10:27 AM

buttons2

Little Magpie Cricket hey there ladies

10:28 AM

Finding Nemo

Buttons2 - Hello

10:30 AM

Finding Nemo

All - I do plan to speak with my daughter some more about this because it's not okay for her to be rude to her friends and it's not okay to throw things when you are upset. She is having a very difficult time holding her emotions vs. logic in check. If you guys have any suggestions as to how to change this, I am open for suggestions

10:30 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - Since you have knowledge of the contact between your husband and his friends and OW1, does that mean you also have contact with these people, is it possible when daughter is really feeling stressed about dad that one of them might be go between. Maybe if you are removed from the equation, he might be more open to contact with daughter. It isn't right, but MLCers need someone to blame so much and it is typically their spouse, they will avoid and lash out at anyone that equals contact with us.

10:33 AM

Finding Nemo

Swan - that only contact I have is with a friend he has known since he was a young boy. I know of the contact with OW1 because he came to me last week and told me that she contacted him asking for help because she was sent to a mental hospital for an evaluation. Every time she called him, he would call me. She is nothing to him, but she somehow figured out how to use a foreign phone number to show as the number being called from.

10:33 AM

buttons2

Finding Nemo hey there, was just trying to catch up a little

10:34 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - I might sound like a broken record, the Boundaries series is awesome and there is one for teens. You can go to the website www.cloudtownsend.com and check it out.

10:34 AM

Finding Nemo

Swan - I wish I could say that his friend would be of help, but his friend would not help. His friend only contacts me because he wants me to leave my husband and date him.

10:36 AM

Finding Nemo

Swan - I avoid talking to the friend as much as possible because of this.

10:36 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - Not really a friend! Wow, how unethical. Boy, your plate is really full, so sorry you are dealing this so many levels of crazy.

10:37 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - I agree with Swan's suggestion about other friends being a go between. I'm also thinking that it might help to explain to your d that you understand she is afraid to tell her dad the truth about why she's upset but that when she blames you, it actually pushes her dad away from both of you more. I'd tell her you understand she didn't know how to handle it when her Dad called and didn't mean to cause problems. I'd just explain that you know she was hurting but that when her Dad is mad at you, it makes it harder for on the whole family. You might be able to give your d suggestions about how to talk with her Dad when she's hurt. It may be that she tells him she's upset/emotional right now and ask him if she could call him later after she calms down. He may not let that go but if you and she can come up with some safe responses for your daughter, it may help.

10:42 AM

Finding Nemo

Cricket - This is a good plan. I do have something to tell you guys that is sort of praise in regard to my husband.

10:43 AM

Finding Nemo

All - He has a friend who is going to give him some work to do in order to help our finances.

10:43 AM

buttons2

finding nemo 4 years ago they introduced full-day K to our whole district, I had a partner teacher who did lots of looking at the resources provided to help support this... as a result our classroom started using Power Talk and she jokes about the fact she started using it at home with her retired (or ? as I know he does some training or something still) police officer husband

10:44 AM

Little Magpie

Finding Nemo - I agree with swan and Cricket. Yeah! The job does sound good and it might help.

10:45 AM

Finding Nemo

buttons2 - I will try anything at this point.

10:45 AM

buttons2

Finding nemo anyway Power Talk goes. Please stop. I don't like it when ______ it makes me feel ______. Next time can you (or maybe its next time I will _____.) I can find the link with the video and you can watch it. I also have it written at school

10:45 AM

buttons2

finding nemo it's straightforward, allows the expression of emotion without accusing and provides a solution or differencing response

10:46 AM

Finding Nemo

buttons2 - Ahh yes. Very similar to what they teach you in counseling using I statements.

10:46 AM

Little Magpie

buttons 2 - that is what my counselor is trying to teach me to do with my husband

10:46 AM

buttons2

Finding Nemo yes

10:47 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - I'm proud of you that even in this turmoil; you are remembering to notice the praise. It's so easy to just focus on the difficulties and stressors and miss the praises along the way.

10:47 AM

Little Magpie

buttons2 - I am a very slow learner though and I need to write statement starters out in order to remember to use them so it isn't really practical.

10:49 AM

buttons2

cricket can you do a private box, I will give you a link to give nemo, it has location info so

10:49 AM

Cricket

Little Magpie - Actually it's still practical for you, write out statements and re-write them out. The more you write them, print them and keep them where you see them, the more they'll come to mind when you need them. You might keep a few handy on 3 x 5 cards so when you feel the need, you can latch onto some of these things before your discussion.

10:49 AM

buttons2

Little Magpie yes, it takes time to change old habits, they say it takes X length to establish them and then Y to change and reestablish new ones

10:50 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - In agreement with Buttons2 - people are more receptive to "I" comments and almost always immediately close their ears and minds to "you" comments

10:50 AM

buttons2

hey dumbfounded2

10:51 AM

dumbfounded2

buttons2 - Hi. Beautiful weather here today in the low 60s, so I am on the patio soaking up some much needed vitamin D

10:51 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding nemo - How are things with you?

10:51 AM

Little Magpie

hello dumbfounded2

10:51 AM

Cricket

buttons2 Finding Nemo - I also sent the link in an email so you can access it more easily.

10:52 AM

dumbfounded2

Little Magpie - Hi. I hope you are doing well today.

10:52 AM

Little Magpie

buttons2 - I think I missed your praise.

10:52 AM

Finding Nemo

Cricket - Oh good. I was trying to copy and paste, but my mouse is giving me attitude.

10:52 AM

Cricket

dumbfounded2 - Weather is great here too. I'm on my porch in shorts this morning. It’s supposed to hit 80 F degrees here today.

10:53 AM

buttons2

Little Magpie put even ONE on your phone or in a spot you will see it regularly. In my classroom for the last three years I have put up the starter with little monsters that represent emotions, it's there for the students and those supporting them cricket or maybe the link is for magpie (ugh I am getting lost lately)

10:53 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - Hi.

10:53 AM

dumbfounded2

Cricket - Wow! I just got a text video from one of my friends who is visiting Hawaii and that is the kind of weather she is enjoying

10:53 AM

Cricket

Hi dumbounded2 - How are you today? Good to have you in chat last night.

10:53 AM

buttons2

dumbfounded2 it is not sunny here however it is also not raining so I am planning on hitting the garden for a little and getting a bit more mulch down

10:53 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding Nemo- I have been thinking and praying for you and your daughter and husband.

10:54 AM

dumbfounded2

buttons2 - That sounds like a good way to spend an afternoon. I used to be a gardening fanatic, but not so much over the past few years, but there is something satisfying about watching something grow

10:54 AM

buttons2

Little Magpie nope, just keeping up and responding, not really talking about self right now :) other than to share

10:54 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - Last night was not a fun night to say the least.

10:54 AM

Little Magpie

dumbfounded2 - Doing okay. We had unexpected huge expense with my husband pickup truck this week so are just doing a family thing tomorrow afternoon with the 20 yr. olds boyfriend. We are seeing a movie we had planned to see last night. We changed plans due to a friend on furlough from Thailand who was speaking to the girls at our church yesterday.

10:54 AM

Cricket

dumbfounded2 - My area into the 4th year of drought so we really need the rain but I have to admit I've enjoyed the gorgeous weather. We've had several days in the mid to upper 70's from Dec through Feb.

10:54 AM

swan

Little Magpie - There are three types of learners - visual, auditory, and kinesthetic - discover which you are and it will really help you.

10:55 AM

buttons2

cricket thanks

10:55 AM

Finding Nemo

Cricket - We are being told that due to the lack of snow this year we may end up in a drought as well. Because the area I live in is prone to fires they save back as much water as possible.

10:55 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding nemo - Catch me up, what happened last night?

10:56 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - more drama between husband and daughter because she tried to reach him and could not get a hold of him.

10:57 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding nemo - That will happen a lot, but just stay out of it and let them settle it or not, has nothing to do with you, that is what you all tell me over and over and I finally got it. FN he will disappear again over and over until he gets everything settled inside him, he cycled back and stayed a few days to make sure you are still going to be there, and now he is back to figuring himself out because in his mind you are settled and now he can go fix this other stuff

10:58 AM

buttons2

dumbfounded2 yes, we bought our house 7 yrs ago or something like that, husband's mom passed the May after we bought it, I worked all summer, the second summer I spent playing catch up with school and house so the garden didn't get much attention and then that fall things blew up so it was back to crazy and no energy for the last three years to work in the garden as working ALL summer at some jobs, this year finally have some energy and just plain drive/desire!

10:59 AM

Little Magpie

swan @54 I think I am visual and auditory both. Listen and follow along to my book being read to me.

10:59 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - We have water restrictions here, in fact the fine for watering your lawn is several hundred dollars. We haven't gotten any rain and the mountain area we get additional water from hasn't had snow either. Like Cricket, we are going on the 4th year and fire season isn't normally until late summer, but this year we have been in fire alert since last summer, everything is so dry.

10:59 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - Yes we've worried about fires the past few years too. There have been some but not as bad as it could have been.

10:59 AM

dumbfounded2

buttons2 - So you have been dealing with this midlife crisis for about 5 years too, it is funny how things sap our energy and I have just begun looking up and around and have a little desire to do more than I have in quite awhile

11:00 AM

swan

Little Magpie - since you have to write it out, I was actually thinking you are more kinesthetic, typically hands on.

11:01 AM

Little Magpie

swan - I have to be able to "see" it. That is why written out.

11:02 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding nemo - How are you feeling?

11:03 AM

Finding Nemo

Cricket - Swan - There are some areas in the mountains that the state has taken back from privately owned camp grounds, etc because there are no more trees in that area to hold back a fire if one starts.

11:03 AM

Little Magpie

All - I am going to go. I have a few more ecards to send out. Blessings! Hopefully we can get a pansy or two to brighten the porch.

11:03 AM

Cricket

Finding Nemo - yes, it has been scary with how long this drought has continued.

11:04 AM

buttons2

dumbfounded2 something like that, it all blends as he's pretty much been in the house the whole time. I finally reached a point where I said, he's here in whatever form that is, I need to be far more flexible and to let it go and not sap me, once I did that it started to give me more energy to focus on my students and now on the house some too, mind you I never stopped focusing on my students it just drained me more than it does now, make sense?

11:04 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - I see on the news the horrific snow storms in the north east and think of the flooding they are going to have as it all melts, and if only there was a way to send it this way.

11:04 AM

Little Magpie

All - Thank you for you Love and support! Prayers and Love to you all!

11:04 AM

dumbfounded2

buttons2 - Crystal clear sense as I know exactly that feeling.

11:05 AM

buttons2

dumbfounded2 k, good :)

11:05 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - I am okay. Just extremely tired. I was telling the others I had a rough week because my boss showed up announced with only the warning that someone was going to get fired. I waited three days and she finally talked to me. I wasn't the one that got fired. Praise!

11:05 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding Nemo - Oh my how stressful your week has been. I hope you will have a more relaxing weekend and that will be the end of the losing your job drama

11:06 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding nemo - Any plans with your daughter today?

11:06 AM

Cricket

All - I need to head out for a meeting. Have a good weekend and try to do something for YOU this weekend. Hugs and prayers to everyone.

11:06 AM

Finding Nemo

Swan - No kidding, huh? I have a friend who lives in New York and she shares photos with me of how much snow is outside her front door.

11:06 AM

Cricket

Bye all.

11:07 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - We had plans with my husband, but that's not going to happen. She and I will come up with something. She's working on some home work at the moment.

11:07 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - My best friend from high school lives in Boston and she has a picture of the snow and it is a good five feet taller than her. It is horrible.

11:07 AM

buttons2

All I am going to head off too cricket take care and take care of yourself!

11:08 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding nemo - My son had a rifle meet this am and we just got home and he also has a project to finish for school, but he is out of school on Monday so we are going to visit my parents and sister tonight and go to church with them tomorrow. How are things with your husband and you?

11:09 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - He isn't speaking to me so I have no idea. Somehow this went from please call your daughter as she is upset with you to him not speaking to me.

11:09 AM

Finding Nemo

dumbfounded2 - I should check to make sure we have school on Monday. I forgot it is a holiday.

11:10 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding Nemo - Completely normal, so don't panic it doesn’t really mean anything. Remember, how my husband cycled toward home at Christmas and in early Jan and now after not responding to invite from son has completely gone dark, it is part of this mess

11:10 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - my grandson has been out of school since Thursday and doesn't go back until Tuesday - long holiday

11:10 AM

Finding Nemo

All - I am glad I checked. I would have been the only parent in the parking lot trying to drop of the kiddo

11:11 AM

swan

Well all chat is about to close, please join us again tomorrow evening.

11:11 AM

dumbfounded2

Finding Nemo - Have a feeling your daughter would have told you when you tried to wake her for school on Monday. I will keep you in my prayers as I know the sinking feeling you are probably experiencing with the husband situation

11:12 AM

Finding Nemo

All - thank you guys so much for chatting and your support.

 

 

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10:45 AM

buttons2

Finding nemo anyway Power Talk goes. Please stop. I don't like it when ______ it makes me feel ______. Next time can you (or maybe its next time I will _____.) I can find the link with the video and you can watch it. I also have it written at school

10:50 AM

swan

Finding Nemo - In agreement with Buttons2 - people are more receptive to "I" comments and almost always immediately close their ears and minds to "you" comments

 

 

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud