Midlife Dimensions

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Christmas Eve, 2014

5:24 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I kind of have a problem with the video and photos because I feel like I am being cheated. Why does he reap rewards for not stepping up to her dad?

5:26 PM

swan

finding nemo - You are in many ways being cheated, however, he is also losing major even though he might not realize it at this time. Consider it more as offering a blessing to him and helping the relationship between him and his daughter, do it for her.

 


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December 24, 2014 / Wednesday 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:01 PM

swan

Hello everyone, welcome to Wednesday evening chat. Bill is speaking tonight and will not be with us. Please keep him and his family in prayer during the holiday.

5:04 PM

swan

Hi finding nemo - how are you tonight?

5:04 PM

finding nemo

Swan - Hi. Wasn't sure anyone would be on tonight since there is chat tomorrow.

5:04 PM

finding nemo

Swan - Not doing so well. Trying to get myself prepared to deal with a pretty upset child tomorrow.

5:05 PM

swan

finding nemo - we rarely are not here on a regularly scheduled chat, Bill might not be in, but someone will be covering for him. Tomorrow is a special chat because of Christmas, it gives those who need to get encouragement, support or just vent a place to come.

5:06 PM

swan

finding nemo - Upset child?

5:06 PM

finding nemo

Swan - My husband told us that he was going to be here for Christmas. Then a friend he has known for most of his adult life reentered his life and the friend invited him over for Christmas. So, he's giving up time with his daughter to be with the friend.

5:07 PM

swan

finding nemo - Is he at least manning up and telling her himself or has he taken the cowards way and left that to you also?

5:09 PM

finding nemo

Swan - Nope. Hasn't said a word to her. He hasn't seen her in nearly 2 /2 weeks and now this. The last contact he had with her was a few days ago when he asked her why she hadn't turned a school work assignment. We get email from her school regarding missing work etc. So, he got the email and wanted to know why she didn't do it. She was working on it, but forgot to leave it on the teacher's desk the last day of school before the winter break.

5:09 PM

swan

finding nemo - Just wondering, would he not be able to split the time and spend a little with his daughter and his friend? Sorry he is doing this, but it is typical of a MLCer, they often live in the moment and long term doesn't play a factor. In his thinking, the friend is only there a short time, the daughter is always there, it isn't right and doesn't really make valid sense, but either does the midlife crisis brain.

5:11 PM

finding nemo

Swan - He isn't capable of that. A few days ago when he went to the friend’s house he called me and told me to have daughter and I ready for a movie in a couple of hours. He was going to the friends and would come get us in a couple of hours. He never called, never showed. Only sent me a text yesterday after two days of not hearing from him.

5:12 PM

finding nemo

Swan - Fortunately I didn't tell daughter anything about the movie. I would have been up all night trying to console her.

5:13 PM

finding nemo

Swan - He's been telling me that we are going to go to this movie for weeks now. I have lost count of how many times he had "good intentions" of taking us, but someone or something else always got in the way.

5:17 PM

swan

finding nemo - Is it too late to let your husband know that he needs to tell his daughter that he isn't coming to see her for Christmas? If you have to be the one to tell her, be kind in your words. Tell her that daddy had something come up that he is going to do and if she asks what or why, let her know that she will need to ask daddy, it isn't your place to say. Let her know that you and she will make the best of the day and then maybe do something special, go to that movie without daddy, get a giant popcorn to share and just have a good day.

5:20 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I don't know. I don't usually try to make contact with him unless he contacts me first. I have not heard from him at all today which usually means he went off to do something with someone and he will ignore me.

5:22 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I will be kind. She and I have spent a lot of holidays together just the two of us. We'll come up with something fun to do. Not sure what to do about her gifts though because he helped me pick them out - he kept saying Can't wait to see her open this.

5:22 PM

swan

finding nemo - I am guessing that he contacted you to tell you that he is going to spend time with his friend instead of his daughter, so that opens the door for you to contact him and let him know that his daughter needs to be told he isn't coming and it isn't your place to be his messenger for this.

5:23 PM

swan

finding nemo - Do you have a camera, or even your phone that you can record it, let her open then, record her doing it and then send it to him.

5:24 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I kind of have a problem with the video and photos because I feel like I am being cheated. Why does he reap rewards for not stepping up to her dad?

5:25 PM

finding nemo

Swan - In the past if he was sick and couldn't make it, I didn't feel that way and would share. I guess I am just hurt for her that she has to go through this.

5:26 PM

finding nemo

Tiger - Hey Tiger. How are you?

5:26 PM

swan

finding nemo - You are in many ways being cheated, however, he is also losing major even though he might not realize it at this time. Consider it more as offering a blessing to him and helping the relationship between him and his daughter, do it for her.

5:26 PM

Tiger

finding nemo swan- just wanted to jump in real quick and say Merry Christmas

5:26 PM

swan

Hello Tiger - how are you tonight?

5:27 PM

Tiger

all- Doing good, husband came over and ate with us and opened presents. it was really nice

5:27 PM

finding nemo

Tiger - yay!

5:27 PM

Tiger

all- my kids are still here but I wanted to get in here real quick.

5:27 PM

Tiger

swan - I will probably join you tomorrow, got to get back with the kids

5:28 PM

finding nemo

Tiger - Merry Christmas.

5:28 PM

swan

Tiger - Hope you are having fun with your family, Merry Christmas.

5:28 PM

Tiger

Merry Christmas

5:30 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I will do what I can to share the moments with him. This is so frustrating. In less than a month I have gone from him deciding to come home December 31 to now he's not her for Christmas and he's distanced himself from me and made it pretty clear he won't be coming home. Sigh...

5:33 PM

swan

finding nemo - Yeah this rollercoaster they ride is one of really high climbs and low dips, which is why staying off the car is best, although so hard to do. A good quote to remember is: "If you expect nothing from anybody, you're never disappointed"

5:37 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I am getting there. He's had serious moments of knowing why he's in crisis - knows the exact moment it started, seems to know what he really wants and knows what he needs to do to get those things. He's been in depression and withdrawal. I guess I was expecting something different once he reached this point.

5:39 PM

swan

finding nemo - unfortunately the peak out of the tunnel, sometimes even come out a distance, but they also often get scared and run back into the dark and it seems that all the progress is lost, but it isn't, it is just prolonged.

5:41 PM

finding nemo

Swan - That is good to hear. How will I know when he is truly out of the tunnel?

5:46 PM

swan

finding nemo - Jim always said they are truly out of the tunnel when they stop cycling and have worked through the past issues that are causing the crisis. Typically you will notice that the time he spends in the tunnel becomes less with each trip back in and he becomes more aware. They live more in the now and less in the fantasy. Unfortunately midlife crisis is one of those that cannot be pin pointed; it bounces around and doesn't really follow a step by step.

5:47 PM

swan

Hello Little Magpie - how are you tonight?

5:48 PM

finding nemo

Swan - Looks like me and my old friend patience are in for a long wait. :)

5:48 PM

finding nemo

Little Magpie - Hi Magpie, How are you?

5:49 PM

Little Magpie

swan - Today at work I miss-timed a restroom break and ended up missing our staff meeting. I had been warned so I was trying not to be late or miss it. I can't believe it, my brother, "the big boss" wrote me up after he chewed me up one side and down the other. It was a total mistake on my part. I didn't know that he was going to meet since he was late and there was a client coming in.

5:50 PM

Little Magpie

swan - I just wanted to die.

5:50 PM

Little Magpie

I don't know if I want to do Christmas tomorrow.

5:52 PM

Little Magpie

finding nemo - I am sorry that I flew in out of sorts

5:52 PM

swan

Little Magpie - It is unfortunate that he reacted that way. Now stop beating yourself up, it isn't like you blew the meeting off, you went to the bathroom! Did you make it to the meeting before the client? Please remember, too many people would miss you if you die! And tomorrow is about Christ, spend the day worshiping him and make an effort to enjoy being with others.

5:53 PM

finding nemo

Little Magpie - No worries. I am unsettled a bit about tomorrow as well.

5:53 PM

Little Magpie

finding nemo - I hope that you have a good holiday

5:53 PM

swan

Hey Cricket

5:54 PM

Little Magpie

swan - I missed it they had a short quickie because of it so I didn't know it was even held. My SIL was in his office with him when I left and everyone was in their offices like normal when I got back.

5:54 PM

Cricket

Hi swan. I'm working on setting up my travel wifi. Have Tech Support on the phone but wanted to see if it will even work.

5:55 PM

swan

Little Magpie - Wow, they had a meeting that fast, in the time it took you to go to the bathroom.

5:56 PM

Little Magpie

swan - He said I was away 20 min, I don't know, I don't my facility usage time. I didn't think it was that long, to me it seemed like it was in and out.

5:57 PM

swan

Cricket - Will you be here for a few minutes, my grandson wants to open presents and I told him as soon as I got off chat, if you will be here, I am going to log off a few minutes early.

5:57 PM

Little Magpie

swan - Have a blessed Christmas

5:58 PM

finding nemo

Swan - Merry Christmas. Thank you for chatting with me and giving me support.

5:58 PM

swan

Little Magpie - Apologize and ask if there is anything you can do to make it up, you had to go to the restroom, didn't realize it would take so long and will work on being early to future meetings. Maybe you could offer your brother that you will make apologies to the client because you want them to know they are important to the company. Not sure what you all provide to your clients, but a phone call might be a nice touch. Your brother is making it out to be a major thing, so maybe a little gift to the client would be appropriate??

5:58 PM

Cricket

Do not stay for me. I mostly wanted to know if all this work with tech support would be worth it. If this works, I'll be able to come to chat from my cabin rather than driving to the club house.

5:59 PM

swan

Thanks, I am leaving. Remember we will be having chat tomorrow night from 4-7 pacific time.

5:59 PM

finding nemo

Little magpie - I would bet that it wasn't that long. He has to make it seem like a really long time to justify writing you up.

5:59 PM

Little Magpie

swan - I tried. It is hopeless. So I set a timer on my computer and a note that says no potty breaks after 9 am unless it is lunch.

6:00 PM

Little Magpie

finding nemo - so now every Wednesday I have a timer to remind me, so I won't be caught out again.

6:00 PM

Little Magpie

finding nemo - I am trying.

6:01 PM

finding nemo

Little Magpie - You work with family?

6:01 PM

finding nemo

Cricket - Hey!

6:01 PM

Little Magpie

finding nemo - yes. Right now I don't know if it is a good thing.

6:03 PM

finding nemo

Little Magpie - That's a tough situation at times. Keep trying and do your best. That's all you can do.

6:03 PM

Cricket

Hi all - I'm on the phone with Tech Support trying to fix my wireless while I'm with my sister for Christmas. Merry Christmas all.

6:04 PM

finding nemo

All - I have been on for a while so I should go spend time with my daughter. My husband is skipping out on us tomorrow to spend time with one of his friends. I need to try and make the best of a bad situation. Sigh, Merry Christmas everyone.

6:04 PM

Little Magpie

Cricket - Sorry you are having problems. I hope you have a Merry Christmas! I am trying to make cards/certificates and then I need to rush to church late.

6:04 PM

Little Magpie

finding nemo - Take care!

6:05 PM

Cricket

finding nemo - I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Do try to make the best of things.

6:06 PM

Little Magpie

Cricket - I hope all goes well for you. I had a crappy day and don't want to have Christmas tomorrow. I just want to stay home in bed. Unfortunately, I am the one who is to make the Crockpot roasts.

6:06 PM

Cricket

Little Magpie - Have a Great Christmas too. Hope you will have a better day tomorrow.

6:06 PM

Little Magpie

Cricket - I certainly hope it is possible.

6:07 PM

Cricket

Little Magpie - Don't stay in bed. Put today behind you and look forward to tomorrow being extra nice. I know you're upset at your brother but best to put your best foot forward and make the best of things for the rest of the family

6:08 PM

Little Magpie

Cricket - Hurt is the better word. I try my best, better and then I debated about going because I didn't want this to happen and then I took a chance and voila!

6:11 PM

Cricket

Little Magpie - Well you can't change what happened all you can change is how you respond to it. Do your best, as you said, it was your mistake and it's been a problem in the past. Let your brother see you feel bad and be as kind and pleasant as you can.

6:12 PM

Cricket

Looks like chat will close any moment. Best wishes.

6:12 PM

Little Magpie

Cricket - Thanks and Merry Christmas.

 

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5:24 PM

finding nemo

Swan - I kind of have a problem with the video and photos because I feel like I am being cheated. Why does he reap rewards for not stepping up to her dad?

5:26 PM

swan

finding nemo - You are in many ways being cheated, however, he is also losing major even though he might not realize it at this time. Consider it more as offering a blessing to him and helping the relationship between him and his daughter, do it for her.

 

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud