Midlife Dimensions

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Christmas Eve - 12/24/10

8:39 PM [lalachrissie] Beth D12- told H during therapy session in Sept that she will not support his decision to abandon our family, said that he knows what he is doing is wrong D9- was a little nervous to see him at first but said she would see him once a week, came back after a Halloween outing & said Daddy was weird and was acting scary & she told him she needed a break from seeing him

 

8:44 PM [Beth] lala it has to be hard on the children to see their father as a stranger. My d says she does not know her father anymore and she doesn't. I always told my children that what happened between their father and me had nothing to do with them. He was still their father and he needed them and they needed him.

 


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December 24, 2010 / Friday 6-7 pm PST / CR#4.

8:03 PM [swan] Blessed Christmas Eve to all, welcome to Midlife Dimension Friday evening chat

8:04 PM [lalachrissie] hi swan

8:04 PM [lalachrissie] how are you tonight?

8:05 PM [swan] lalachrissie - I am doing good, visiting with my sister, her family and my brother, just arrived a couple hours ago. How about yourself

8:07 PM [lalachrissie] swan it's been a hard couple of days, my h seems to be really confused. Reaching out a bit & then stepping back. I know it's b/c of the holiday

8:07 PM [lalachrissie] swan is there snow for you?

8:08 PM [swan] lalachrissie - The holidays are very hard and confusing for MLCer's, they long for the family bonding, but yet are convinced they need to separate from their lives in order to find peace.

8:09 PM [lalachrissie] swan I can see it. h is not clearly thinking

8:09 PM [swan] lalachrissie - Yes, there is snow here. I don't drive in it much, so it was a little nerve racking when it hit early and prolonged my travel by a couple hours.

8:10 PM [lalachrissie] swan I wish there was snow here. we just had a huge amount of rain & now it's warm again. even a little cold weather would be nice

8:11 PM [lalachrissie] looks like it might just be us

8:12 PM [swan] lalachrissie - this is my first white Christmas in years, it hasn't snowed here in Missouri at Christmas in five years, I have been here for four years and before that I lived in Southern California and we didn't get snow unless we drove a few hours away up to the mountains.

8:12 PM [lalachrissie] how are you doing with the loss of a parent? my father passed 6 yrs ago & I still miss him terribly

8:12 PM [lalachrissie] swan southern ca. I can see the snow on the mtns, but it's a drive

8:12 PM [lalachrissie] hi faithful

8:13 PM [swan] lalachrissie - ok, it is a better place for her than being here and in pain.

8:13 PM [faithful] Feliz Navidad (Merry Christmas)

8:13 PM [faithful] is sure quiet tonight

8:13 PM [lalachrissie] swan I know. I remember the days in the hospital, it wasn't the strong man I knew

8:14 PM [faithful] Hey plum how are you?

8:14 PM [swan] lalachrissie - the closest snow to us was Julian, but the chances were better up at Big Bear

8:14 PM [lalachrissie] swan with all the rain last week Big Bear was slushy. Mammoth has the most snow ever.

8:15 PM [lalachrissie] hi plum

8:15 PM [swan] Hi Bluesky, faithful and plumcrazy, how are you ladies tonight?

8:16 PM [Bluesky] Hi all, Merry Christmas. My kids are over at their dad's for dinner and I am trying to get the last minute wrapping done.

8:16 PM [faithful] swan I am doing pretty good. My oldest is here with us and he went to Christmas every service with us. While he was praying he broke down and cry for his dad, he is 27. He misses his dad and is afraid dad is going to die before he sees him. I encourage him to reach out to his dad.

8:17 PM [swan] lalachrissie - my office sold lift tickets to all the ski resorts in the area, so I used to get snow reports daily via email. We would open gifts and then usually head for snow, play for a while, then spend the rest of the day relaxing and having fun as a family.

8:17 PM [Beth] Good evening everyone and Merry Christmas.

8:17 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful--I am ok. day started out ok H laughing and joking then started in with little comments. Putting people on TV down Like Ellen on Cover girl Made statement that she couldn’t be a cover girl because she is gay. I just looked at him. Where is the man I USED to know? He was talking to D about volleyball She was saying she was bad at it SO H says we get it you suck at sports. that wasn’t a nice comment at all and D got upset

8:17 PM [swan] Hi Beth

8:17 PM [Bluesky] swan I am kitty sitting too.

8:18 PM [Beth] swan is the chat open tomorrow the same time or not?

8:18 PM [faithful] swan h was here last Monday and complain of shortness of breath just taking a flight of stairs. That is how he was feeling last time they found out one of his arteries was block 98%. I told him to be careful it could be that but he blames it on gaining weight.

8:18 PM [plumcrazy] All---I just don’t understand why he makes such unkind comments about others. He was never like that before

8:18 PM [swan] Beth - chat is open normal time tomorrow.

8:19 PM [swan] Bluesky - how is the kitty sitting going so far

8:19 PM [Bluesky] plumcrazy I would think it is because he is in MLC remember they are completely different from what they were. Remember the alien taking over.

8:19 PM [Beth] Plumcrazy our H's are not themselves. They are as different as chalk and cheese.

8:19 PM [faithful] Plum I really do not know how they can be so hateful. All we can do is just bite our tongue and you can try to uplift your daughter. Is so sad and I am sure heartbreaking.

8:20 PM [Bluesky] swan well it has only been about 90 minutes so far, he is just starting to come out from hiding. He just meowed at me so that is a good sign. He should get pretty weird here soon.

8:20 PM [Beth] What is everyone doing for Christmas Dinner?

8:20 PM [Bluesky] Beth Chalk and Cheese? Is that a Canadian saying?

8:21 PM [lalachrissie] faithful that is scary 98% blockage is big. my BIL ha a massive heart attack at 35 b/c of a 7%& blockage, lost 60% of his heart muscle & had another attack just b4 his 37th birthday that killed him within seconds

8:21 PM [faithful] Beth I am cooking at the house and my s27 is coming over. I just plan of taking it easy.

8:21 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful--we were laughing and having a good time then H started making these comments unexpectedly. Almost like he realized everyone including ME was having a great day then freaked

8:22 PM [plumcrazy] Beth--I am making a roast and potatoes for dinner also making cherry and pumpkin pie.

8:22 PM [swan] faithful - it could be added weight, fatigue, stress, poor diet, etc. I hope he will consider going to the doctor and get himself checked out soon

8:22 PM [Beth] My D and I are going to my sister's and hope to visit some family after.

8:22 PM [lalachrissie] Beth don't laugh. D9 asked that I bbq filet mignon for Christmas dinner w/a brussel sprout sauté

8:23 PM [faithful] lalchrissie that is why son was crying he is scared h is going to have a heart attack. Last time I made him go have a stress test because I was concern. He had no symptoms but MD just did it to please me and he failed his stress test big time. When he left he stop taking his medication.

8:23 PM [Bluesky] lalachrissie we are just having Maui burgers, so if you want to laugh I think I win.

8:24 PM [faithful] swan I wish it was that but bad heart runs in his family. Dad had a heart attack before he was 50. I hope is just the added weight.

8:24 PM [plumcrazy] All---I am going to a cardiologist Tuesday and having a stress test. Having issues with irregular heartbeat, chest pains nausea. Almost passed out at work.

8:24 PM [Beth] lalachrisse that is different. For a 9 yr old to like that is great. Not many children like brussel sprout. Everyone to their own taste. Are you going to cook it?

8:24 PM [plumcrazy] All----EKG came back fine .Dr said it was like when you take your car to the shop and it doesn’t act up so getting stress test done

8:24 PM [faithful] plum that is a good idea. You cannot take those things lightly

8:25 PM [faithful] plum that is good because in women is harder to diagnosis heart problems. Stress test is a good idea.

8:25 PM [Beth] plum I hope there is nothing serious wrong.

8:26 PM [plumcrazy] faithful---I figure it is STRESS but there is a history of heart disease in my family on both sides

8:26 PM [lalachrissie] faithful my BIL when he passed had just parked his car & was joking w D about how she & her friends couldn't be ojk doe a minute without texting. she said aaww dad, he didn't respond & when she looked over the car door was open & he was on the ground. Is there anyone who can get you h to the doctor? to me, this is super scary

8:26 PM [Beth] A woman may find pain in her arms more than chest.

8:27 PM [faithful] Beth but also upset stomach is another symptom of heart problem in women

8:27 PM [lalachrissie] Beth of course, she asked. she just looks at me with those big brown eyes and it's hard to refuse :)

8:27 PM [faithful] Beth but also upset stomach is another symptom of heart problem in women

8:27 PM [lalachrissie] Beth of course, she asked. she just looks at me with those big brown eyes and it's hard to refuse :)

8:28 PM [Cricket] All - I'm with my family for Christmas but wanted to stop in and wish everyone a Merry Christmas. I know this time is hard, but remember that our spouses are thinking of us too especially at Christmas.

8:28 PM [lalachrissie] Bluesky no sides?  

8:28 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful ---the other day at work I got chest pain, felt like I was going to throw up and started having trouble breathing all of the sudden. Felt like I was going to pass out

8:28 PM [lalachrissie] Cricket thank you

8:28 PM [Beth] lala I would love to see those big brown eyes then. I have a nephew whose eyes are brown. My children have blue eyes. They have gotten a bit darker since they got older.

8:29 PM [Bluesky] lalachrissie oh sure, mac and cheese, salad, veg, My kids are vegetarian now so it makes it a bit challenging.

8:29 PM [faithful] lalchrissie that is my fear but he is so stubborn, he does not like seeing doctors I just hope he took what I said and made him think. I told him that is the way you were acting last time you had your artery clog. He just looks at me. I just pray he will go see MD. He also had an EKG and it was fine, but EKG is only good to show if they had a heart attack in the past or having one right there and then.

8:29 PM [Cricket] Lalachrissie - Stress is very powerful and of course men just don't get to the doctors like they should.

8:29 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful--Then I had a couple of episodes of chest pain that night with weird heart beat and strange feeling in my chest so sent to the Dr and he did ekg, Came back fine

8:30 PM [swan] Bluesky - Hey my kids are vegetarians too, we actually had some pretty good dinners, even on the holidays.

8:30 PM [faithful] plum you need to have them do all kinds of tests even if stress test come back ok. Do not let them push you aside. Those are serious signs.

8:30 PM [Beth] Cricket it struck me some forcibly yesterday about our previous Christmas when H was home. I had a little cry after all those years. I pray he does think about those years too.

8:30 PM [Bluesky] Cricket same to you. I have my son's kitty, he has gotten so big and fat.

8:30 PM [Cricket] Beth is right, women's symptoms are different (often) then men.

8:30 PM [Bluesky] swan I am sure if I was entertaining I would put more thought into it.

8:31 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET--- I am having stress test done Tuesday

8:31 PM [swan] Bluesky - my DIL has gotten really good at the veggie menus, you really don't miss the meat when she plans the menu

8:31 PM [Bluesky] Cricket how do we know they are thinking of us at this time?

8:32 PM [Bluesky] swan maybe I will have to get an idea from her in the future. I wouldn't miss the meat either. I am all about the sides.

8:33 PM [plumcrazy] All--H said about 6pm to the kids

8:33 PM [Cricket] Blue - I have both my kitties with me, took them to Oregon on a road trip. The baby doesn't like driving and was difficult when I did this on a shorter trip Thanksgiving so I got med's from the vet.

8:33 PM [Beth] Bluesky how can they not think about it . We do and they are human.

8:33 PM [Bluesky] Cricket yes I remember you saying that. How did the lil one do?

8:34 PM [Bluesky] Beth I am not sure they are human they way they behave  

8:34 PM [Cricket] Plum - I'm glad to hear you're going for a stress test, but still waiting to hear about the support group.

8:34 PM [lalachrissie] all- my h dropped off gifts for the girls today. he emailed yesterday could he come by today, but the girls didn't want t to see him so he said he'd come by last night after they went to sleep. never showed up. then today emailed at 11 to come by before noon I said ok, then emailed maybe he'd come by tonight to leave gifts in garage, I said ok. then he emailed 5 minutes later that he left gifts in garage. first time he "admitted" having a key Why all the craziness?

8:34 PM [faithful] all I have to go having a party here with all my kids. They are having fun. Is nice to see my kids together, I just wish h was here but I know is not possible so need to make the most of it.

8:34 PM [plumcrazy] ALL--H said at about 6pm to the kids "OK who wants to go to shopping with me?" then messed around and didn’t go. Stores here closed between 6-8 pm Guess it was so he could say he thought about it

8:34 PM [Bluesky] Bluesky especially with hardened hearts.

8:34 PM [Beth] Bluesky I have to agree with you re human in some ways. It struck me so sudden yesterday so I ams

8:35 PM [Bluesky] Beth that was for you not me

8:35 PM [Beth] I am sure they think about it too. I want to believe it anyway.

8:35 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful---Take care and merry Christmas!!!

8:36 PM [Cricket] BlueSky - I've talked to many who's H's are home and also heard from David Alan and Bob Steinkamp, even my H ... all say that they thought of us, family & past holidays especially during the holidays.

8:36 PM [swan] Cricket - how did she travel with the meds, did you need to use them? Got your picture, so cute

8:36 PM [Bluesky] Cricket good to know.

8:36 PM [Beth] Lala why doesn't your girls want to see your H? How old are they?

8:38 PM [plumcrazy] Cricket---I didn’t know what to give H for Xmas. He is so disagreeable and makes comments like get me underwear and socks. I thought about doing that but I decided against it. Should I just give him money? I got a funny card to give him

8:38 PM [Cricket] swan - Yes I tried the natural things first, the treats that has natural calming and the collar with the Fermon treatment - However I got only a couple books away and BOTH of them began yelling at me. I pulled over and gave them both the med the doctor gave me. The baby did calm down a couple hours into the trip. She mostly cried a lot and wasn't moving too much. Good thing as I came across a fatal accident that had traffic nasty but she was pretty much asleep then.

8:38 PM [Beth] Cricket we will pray they think about us and previous Christmas.

8:39 PM [Bluesky] Cricket how long was the drive?

8:39 PM [Cricket] Plum - Don't let his attitude determine what you give... again - What would Jesus Do... isn't there something you know he'd like?

8:39 PM [lalachrissie] Beth D12- told H during therapy session in Sept that she will not support his decision to abandon our family, said that he knows what he is doing is wrong D9- was a little nervous to see him at first but said she would see him once a week, came back after a Halloween outing & said Daddy was weird and was acting scary & she told him she needed a break from seeing him

8:40 PM [Cricket] Blue - I drove 1/2 and stayed in a motel (it took 5 1/2 hrs) first half and then 3 hrs the last part.

8:40 PM [Cricket] Beth - They will think of, have faith.

8:40 PM [Bluesky] Cricket oh yeah, were they okay in the hotel?

8:41 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET--Last yr I gave him something I knew he would like but he never opened it. Unwrapped the outer wrapping and set it on the shelf Never opened it

8:41 PM [Beth] Plum I gave my H a calendar of our children, DIL and grandsons of pictures I took when I was there this spring. he loved it. last year I gave him a Cd of pictures of his family from when they were growing up.

8:41 PM [Cricket] Blue - Yes they did okay. The big sister has done this many time, the baby not so much.

8:41 PM [Bluesky] plumcrazy give it too again  

8:41 PM [lalachrissie] Beth - to clarify scary. She meant he was nervous and not being the "fun" person she was used to

8:42 PM [Bluesky] Cricket is the baby still groggy?

8:42 PM [Cricket] Plum - Doesn't matter, we stay consistent and do the right thing regardless of how they react. Remember that Christmas is hard on them too. The little things you were doing had been working.

8:42 PM [Cricket] Blue - No they seemed to bounce back really easily. The Vet said it was like Benadryl

8:43 PM [Bluesky] Cricket oh that’s good. I flew my cat years ago to our new home across the country and it seemed she wasn't back to normal for months.

8:43 PM [Cricket] Blue - The Vet said to give a 1/2 tablet and I did that and she seemed better that evening.

8:44 PM [Beth] lala it has to be hard on the children to see their father as a stranger. My d says she does not know her father anymore and she doesn't. I always told my children that what happened between their father and me had nothing to do with them. He was still their father and he needed them and they needed him.

8:46 PM [lalachrissie] Beth my girls see that nothing happened between their father & I though. It's really hard for them. He even told them that I was perfect and he hated that he is doing this; it's just something he needs to do. Nothing like completely confusing your children

8:47 PM [Beth] lala yes it has to be hard on them.

8:50 PM [lalachrissie] all- my d's want to watch a movie with me. Hope you have a wonderful evening & a very merry Christmas

8:50 PM [plumcrazy] ALL--I am feeling down. I know my H didn’t take my kids to get me anything and I know he will not give me anything. It isn’t really about the gifts it is about being thought of. Like I don’t count at all. People at work thought more about me than my own family. Although S did say he made me something for Xmas. Plus my Mom made me a blanket it and sent it. Told me when I was missing her wrap in it and think about her hugging me. That was the BEST present!

8:51 PM [Beth] plumcrazy that is so nice of your mother. Don't forget to do that too when you get lonely or down.

8:52 PM [plumcrazy] BETH--I have been doing that since I got it

8:52 PM [Cricket] all - My family is ready to celebrate Christmas with me so I better go. All please know that God is working in our spouses, have faith. Put your chin up, a smile on your face and treat your spouse’s like you'd like to be treated. That reaches them so much more than anything else and it is what Jesus would want us to do.

8:53 PM [plumcrazy] goodnight BETH Take care Merry Christmas

8:54 PM [Bluesky] plumcrazy I am not getting anything from my h, so whatever. I agree with what Cricket said.

8:55 PM [plumcrazy] CRICKET---I have been doing that Listening to the video of the 7yr old singer and watching videos of Nick the young man without arms and legs

8:55 PM [Cricket] Merry Christmas all - Plum - Like BoscosDad says - Fake till you make it....  

8:55 PM [Cricket] Night all.

8:56 PM [plumcrazy] Bluesky--I would love it if H just wished me a MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Some kind of acknowledgement

8:56 PM [Bluesky] plumcrazy go to church tonight. But you are expecting too much. You have to accept that he is the way he is right now.

8:57 PM [plumcrazy] Well ALL ---I am going to go Take care and MERRY CHRISTMAS

8:59 PM [Bluesky] Goodnight swan, have a wonderful time with your family.

8:59 PM [swan] Bluesky - thanks, you and your family too.

8:59 PM [Bluesky] thanks

8:39 PM [lalachrissie] Beth D12- told H during therapy session in Sept that she will not support his decision to abandon our family, said that he knows what he is doing is wrong D9- was a little nervous to see him at first but said she would see him once a week, came back after a Halloween outing & said Daddy was weird and was acting scary & she told him she needed a break from seeing him

 

8:44 PM [Beth] lala it has to be hard on the children to see their father as a stranger. My d says she does not know her father anymore and she doesn't. I always told my children that what happened between their father and me had nothing to do with them. He was still their father and he needed them and they needed him.

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
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