Midlife Dimensions

www.MIDLIFE.com

Christmas Eve - 12/24/08

[12/24 18:02] Brin [Facilitator]: All, Good evening and welcome to Christmas Eve chat room. May God help us to encourage one another during this time.

[12/24 18:07] Brin [Facilitator]: Hello Priscilla. How are you tonight?

[12/24 18:08] Priscilla97: Hi---I'm struggling during this season, but I'm trying to think of these days (the holidays) as just 'another day' on the calendar :-)


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[12/24 18:09] Priscilla97: Is there a certain topic tonight?

[12/24 18:10] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@18:08, I understand. The holiday seasons are a tough time for the left behind spouse. It helps, if you can, to think of the holidays as just another day on the calendar.

[12/24 18:11] Priscilla97: amazing---I really just figured that out this afternoon :-)

[12/24 18:11] Pelagius: Hi all!

[12/24 18:12] Pelagius: Brin, you're facilitating now! Great!

[12/24 18:12] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@18:09, No particular topic tonight - just whatever you need to chat about that can help you in your journey while your spouse is away.

[12/24 18:12] Pelagius: Brin, that's exactly what I said to myself, and to h, today. It's just another day on the calendar.

[12/24 18:12] Pelagius: Mine came over for breakfast today, said the house looked fantastic, I looked like a million.

[12/24 18:13] Pelagius: He's having a hard time with the holiday; he will miss going home to visit my family with me on the 31st.

[12/24 18:13] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:12, Hello. Thanks for the support. I am here to help where I can. SO you got to speak to your H today? Or do you still live under the same roof?

[12/24 18:13] Pelagius: Priscilla, hi, are you new?

[12/24 18:14] Pelagius: We are separated; he loses his apartment at the end of the month (jobless) and will probably move in with OW. But I can see there's a real struggle there.

[12/24 18:14] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@18:11, Hmmm - it's great that you figured it out. Maybe God was speaking am encouraging word to you ;-)

[12/24 18:14] Pelagius: He said yesterday he wanted to come over last night or today, to get some power cords to his printer that I forgot to pack.

[12/24 18:15] Pelagius: Priscilla, what's your situation - separated?

[12/24 18:15] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:12, Awesome - that your H complimented you and spent part of today with you, even if the excuse was to get his power cord.

[12/24 18:15] Pelagius: I had presents for him and he teared up. He said he was giving NO presents this year, he has no money.

[12/24 18:16] Pelagius: I told him time together with him over breakfast was gift enough. I suspect he bought OW something, but I'm not sure.

[12/24 18:16] Pelagius: I focus on h and me, and not what he is doing with her. He grumbled about her a little today.

[12/24 18:16] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:15, yes, absolutely. He loved my hair, the color of it, m new clothes. That's twice he's done that.

[12/24 18:17] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:16, Well done, well said. It's sweet of you to show him unconditional love by getting him presents and then reassuring him that the breakfast time was enough as a gift from him. I am sure it meant a lot to him.

[12/24 18:18] Pelagius: I got the chance to tell him that I was concerned for his safety Friday night, and that I prayed fervently that God would protect him.

[12/24 18:18] BETH [Facilitator]: Hi Brin I dropped in to help you for a while.

[12/24 18:18] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:16, It's a good sigh that he grumbles about OW TO YOU, I think.

[12/24 18:18] Pelagius: He wouldn't take the presents or open them (he took one, actually) but said he would consider coming back for them. After he opened the one, he called and said it was the icing on the cake.

[12/24 18:19] BETH [Facilitator]: Brin Glad to see you facilitating.

[12/24 18:19] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:18, when he moved home, he had a whole laundry list of stuff he was upset with her about; but after he vented to me, he went back to her.

[12/24 18:19] Brin [Facilitator]: Beth, Hi. I am glad to see you. I hope you feel better soon.. And thank you for your support and encouragement.

[12/24 18:20] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:18 (cont). if he gets things off his chest he goes running back to her. But today he was disgruntled. He is starting to see that she uses him for money.

[12/24 18:20] Pelagius: So, Brin, I'm not sure if letting him "vent" is good. But I just try to listen.

[12/24 18:20] Pelagius: Hi Beth!

[12/24 18:20] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:18, Hee hee. So the presents were all connected somehow?

[12/24 18:20] Pelagius: helpme! Yay, hi, how are you?

[12/24 18:21] Priscilla97: My h. moved out in March--yet said he didn't love me anymore in June/07

[12/24 18:21] Brin [Facilitator]: Helpme, Hi. How are you tonight?

[12/24 18:21] Priscilla97: yes & no I'm new---I was here probably a year ago or so

[12/24 18:21] BETH [Facilitator]: Sorry the phone rang so had to answer it. Now I should be ready to go.

[12/24 18:22] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:20, he had said to me a while back, even after we were separated, that he wanted slippers for Christmas, moccasin style. And I got him a new book on the history of the American Rifle.

[12/24 18:22] BETH [Facilitator]: I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas

[12/24 18:22] helpme: Brin; It's been a rough day today...dil & I got into it this morning & things have went downhill from there.

[12/24 18:22] Pelagius: Brin @18:20 (cont). OW had told him he couldn't have guns in her house, and he likes to collect and sell them. She is denying him a huge part of who he is.

[12/24 18:22] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius, I think you are doing great in letting him vent to you. It's all part of the process - his venting, moving back in and out. He's probably doing a lot of processing.

[12/24 18:22] BETH [Facilitator]: Brin I am not having any pain now but I am half afraid it will come back.

[12/24 18:23] Pelagius: He didn't open or take the slippers or the book.

[12/24 18:23] helpme: Brin; My dil has this control thing & it just hit me wrong this morning.

[12/24 18:24] Pelagius: I think so too Brin. He still is. Today he held my hand several times, kissed me, hugged me, and he was more relaxed and easy around me.

[12/24 18:24] Pelagius: Oh helpme, say more! My h's DIL is a little controlling.

[12/24 18:24] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:22, thanks!

[12/24 18:24] Brin [Facilitator]: Helpme@18:22, I am sorry that you had a rough day with your dil. I hear that holidays can be really tricky with family and can trigger memories of past hurts, etc. Is dil staying with you for the holidays?

[12/24 18:25] BETH [Facilitator]: Priscilla and Pelagius I have never met you before but welcome. Glad to meet you.

[12/24 18:25] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:22, he tried to come home in October, and I think he really will in January. He wants to see his doctor for a follow-up to check on the ADs and maybe get testosterone.

[12/24 18:26] Pelagius: Hi Beth @ 18:25, thanks for helping tonight.

[12/24 18:26] Pelagius: Beth, why do you have pain?

[12/24 18:26] Brin [Facilitator]: Beth@18:22, I hope the pain doesn't come back and that it passes out by itself. It is a concern. I pray that God heals you quickly and surely.

[12/24 18:27] BETH [Facilitator]: Pelagius have you been coming to chat very long? How about you Priscilla?

[12/24 18:27] helpme: Brin; They are staying at hotel tonight (probably a good idea) but they will be back here in the morning.

[12/24 18:27] BETH [Facilitator]: Pelagius I had to go to Emergency last night and again this morning because of a kidney stone attack.

[12/24 18:28] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@18:21, Have you been able to get any counseling advice on your situation to help you figure things out?

[12/24 18:28] Pelagius: Brin, I did confess to him that sometimes I don't feel safe, that I miss knowing I am coming home to him or that he will pick me up from work when the weather is bad.

[12/24 18:28] Pelagius: Oh, Beth, I am so sorry about the kidney stones; that's what started my h's MLC.

[12/24 18:29] helpme: Pelagius; My son does everything she says when she tells him to...not good on him or their marriage, but he puts up with it.

[12/24 18:29] Pelagius: Beth, I guess I've been coming here a couple of months now; I got the speech in June, a week after his birthday, and two weeks later confession about OW (cont)

[12/24 18:29] Pelagius: (cont) Beth, he told me that day that he was doing everything he could to get back to me.

[12/24 18:30] Pelagius: helpme @ 18:29, I’m so sorry. That must be frustrating to watch.

[12/24 18:30] BETH [Facilitator]: Pelagius, kidney stones is really hard pain. I feel groggy from the medication.

[12/24 18:31] Brin [Facilitator]: helpme@18:23, 29, Do you think your son would consider asking dil to go to counseling together or at least go to a marriage workshop/conference sometime, e.g. a Love & Respect conference or study group? That would be really helpful

[12/24 18:31] Pelagius: Beth @ 18:27, do the doctors think you will pass the stones, or will you require medical assistance to remove them?

[12/24 18:32] Pelagius: Beth, my h didn't take the pain meds; they made him mean to me. I didn't have to say anything to him; it broke his heart that he was barking at me!

[12/24 18:32] helpme: Pelagius; Yes, it is. I have seen my son deal with depression a lot especially when H left me on top of things that go on at their home, I can only pray the Lord to help keep his head up.

[12/24 18:32] Pelagius: helpme, how long have son and DIL been married?

[12/24 18:33] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:29 etc, It seems that your H is really trying. Keep praying for God to work on him? Do you subscribe to Charlyne Cares? There were a couple of devotionals from her with scripture prayers. I pray them every night and think they are helpful/powerful.

[12/24 18:33] BETH [Facilitator]: Pelagius the Dr said the stone has moved down . A CT scan showed that. he thinks I will pass it but I hope I do not have any problem because our Dr that deals with the kidneys is gone for Christmas.

[12/24 18:34] helpme: Brin; She says she does not have a problem, it's my son who has the problems. My son is not perfect, but things are not all his fault.

[12/24 18:35] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:33, I will go to Charlyne's website again. Thanks! I think he really is, Brin.

[12/24 18:35] helpme: Pelagius; They have been married for 5 yrs. & have 2 boys. My little grandbabies are age 3 yrs. & 3 months.

[12/24 18:35] BETH [Facilitator]: helpme, it seems or sounds something like your spouses. They are not at fault but us. Is she in ML too?

[12/24 18:35] Pelagius: Oh, Beth, I will pray for you.

[12/24 18:36] Pelagius: helpme, my h is very passive. I think my h's spirit was broken at an early age.

[12/24 18:36] Brin [Facilitator]: Helpme@18:34, Gary Chapman often suggests that if the spouse won't go, the more motivated/mature person can still say to the spouse that they'd go alone anyway. Often times, the spouse will eventually join them in counseling, especially if they see positive changes in the one who went.

[12/24 18:36] BETH [Facilitator]: Welcome Tamashii How is everything? I hope you have a merry Christmas.

[12/24 18:36] Pelagius: Oh Brin, I forgot to tell you, I said to him that he mentioned once he had so much guilt and remorse that he wanted me to move on. I said I am not leaving you behind, I have forgiven you and please don’t' focus on the guilt and remorse but on getting well and whole and happy again.

[12/24 18:38] Pelagius: (cont) I said I wanted that for him, and that he come back and be with me, but mostly that he be well.

[12/24 18:38] BETH [Facilitator]: Priscilla how are you? You are very quiet tonight.

[12/24 18:38] helpme: Beth; I wouldn't think, she's only in her 20's. Brin; My son is to be shipped overseas early next year, he's in the military...I wanted so much for this Christmas to be a nice one, he won't be back for over a year when he leaves.

[12/24 18:38] Pelagius: Helpme@ 18:34, I go to counseling and my h hs really noticed the difference.

[12/24 18:39] Pelagius: Priscilla, you said your h left in March

[12/24 18:39] BETH [Facilitator]: helpme I sure feel for you. I would not want my son to go overseas. I don't even understand what the war is all about.

[12/24 18:40] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli and solospin how are you and welcome.

[12/24 18:40] Pelagius: Hi solospin! Priscilla did you said you got the speech in June 07?? You're a year ahead of me, then.

[12/24 18:41] Brin [Facilitator]: Pelagius@18:35, Specifically, I am referring to the Charlyne Cares devotionals on Oct 23 and Oct 26 2008.

[12/24 18:41] BETH [Facilitator]: All what is everyone doing for their Christmas dinner tomorrow?

[12/24 18:41] Yoli: Beth: Hi, I'm okay, how are you? Didn't get to read through all the information, do you have kidney stones? Painful!

[12/24 18:41] helpme: Beth; I am very proud of my son...but I am also his mother, know what I mean?

[12/24 18:41] Pelagius: Helpme, my h was in the military.

[12/24 18:41] Pelagius: Brin @ 18:41, thanks!

[12/24 18:41] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli, solospin, Merry Christmas to you. How are you both doing?

[12/24 18:42] LisaK: Hi All, just wanted to pop in and say "hi". Also, thanks to Brin for being here tonight and opening the Chat Room for us.

[12/24 18:42] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli Yes I had an attack last night and again this morning. I ended up in Emergency twice.

[12/24 18:42] helpme: Beth; My youngest is here with me also..he's in Chef's school & is planning on doing the cooking :) He did treat me today & cooked supper!

[12/24 18:43] Yoli: Beth: My h and older daughter get stones. Last attack daughter had was in August. She had 6 stones. It's awful. Husband hasn't had any stones in about 7 yrs. Last time he had lithotripsy twice.

[12/24 18:43] BETH [Facilitator]: helpme I know you are prod of your son. And once a mother always a mother. That instinct is there even when they are grown and on their own.

[12/24 18:43] Brin [Facilitator]: Lisa, Merry Christmas to you. Nice to see you drop.

[12/24 18:43] Pelagius: Beth @ 18:41,nothing really. Just bought some of my favorites. I didn't sleep well last night from all the excitement of getting ready for my h's visit.

[12/24 18:43] helpme: LisaK; Hello & Merry Christmas :)

[12/24 18:43] Pelagius: Hi Lisa!

[12/24 18:44] Yoli: Brin: How are you? I had my surgery yesterday & am home. Got out around noon today. I was doing so well that doctor said I could go home.

[12/24 18:44] BETH [Facilitator]: helpme WOW!! Someone to do the cooking. Send him my way. I hate cooking.

[12/24 18:44] LisaK: My family was going to go to the 5 pm service at church, but we ended up going to the 3 pm service instead. We're about to head to dinner now. I will be thinking of all of you tonight and praying for the Lord to bless you all with peace and comfort. I'll pop in tomorrow to say Merry Christmas to all, but in case you all aren't here tomorrow, I'll say MERRY CHRISTMAS TOO ALL OF YOU tonight. :o) Happy Birthday Jesus! Love you all.

[12/24 18:44] Pelagius: Yoli @ 18:43, in three years my h has had lithotripsy three times! It set off his MLC.

[12/24 18:45] helpme: Beth; He loves cooking & it comes so natural to him...it took him awhile, but he's doing what he loves!

[12/24 18:45] Pelagius: Merry Christmas Lisa!

[12/24 18:45] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli boy it sure seem to run in families. My brother has them often. I have a cousin that has them often.

[12/24 18:45] Brin [Facilitator]: Helpme@18:38, It must be hard to see your son go off in the new year. I hope they can work things out more before he goes. Maybe they can watch the "Love & Respect" DVD set? That is a recording of Emerson Eggerich's live conference. Very powerful message delivered in a funny and down-to-earth manner. Many jokes in there to lighten things up.

[12/24 18:45] LisaK: WOW! Special hi to BETH before I head out. We're hardly ever in here together! Glad you can be here! You'll beat the rest of us to Christmas! You're almost there. :O)

[12/24 18:46] Yoli: Pelagius: I heard a restored testimony on Monday night & h got stones & his wife knew this was what was going to bring him back & it did. Sorry it triggered your h's MLC. Maybe next attack will bring him home..

[12/24 18:46] LisaK: BRIN, thanks again for jumping in without fear tonight. You're terrific! A blessing to us all.

[12/24 18:47] Yoli: Beth: Oh yeah it runs in families. Older daughter told me that her father was kidding with her one day saying he needed proof that she was his daughter. Well I told her, the stones! She didn’t' think it was funny.

[12/24 18:47] LisaK: Time to go. Good night all.

[12/24 18:47] Pelagius: Yoli @ 18:46 thanks!

[12/24 18:47] BETH [Facilitator]: Lisa yes less then an hour before Christmas day for me. I am glad I could drop in for a while. I know I appreciated any help or chat company when my H left at first.

[12/24 18:47] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@18:44, I am glad your surgery went well. Are you in any pain?

[12/24 18:47] helpme: Brin; I will suggest it to my son, know it wouldn't be received very well by dil.

[12/24 18:47] Pelagius: Night Lisa.

[12/24 18:48] Brin [Facilitator]: Beth@18:47, Where are you?

[12/24 18:48] Yoli: Brin: Yes. Yesterday after recovery I had major pain in my back. I couldn't sleep. Dr. said she thought it was the operating table & gas pumped into abdomen. Oh joy.

[12/24 18:49] helpme: All; I am glad I came in tonight, have been depressed about all day today.

[12/24 18:49] Brin [Facilitator]: helpme@18:47, Keep praying for God to intervene and move your dil's heart.

[12/24 18:49] BETH [Facilitator]: I Brin I am from eastern Canada. 1 & 1/2 hrs ahead of Eastern Time. It is now 11:19 here.

[12/24 18:50] helpme: Beth; Christmas is kind of hard since H left on Dec. 21 4 yrs. ago.

[12/24 18:51] BETH [Facilitator]: helpme I felt like going on a pity party when I ended up in Emergency but then I thought maybe God wanted me to be there for a reason. Also I was thinking about other people a lot worst of then me.

[12/24 18:51] Yoli: helpme: So sorry about this. They do pick the darndest times don't they? Hang in there.

[12/24 18:51] Brin [Facilitator]: Beth, It's nice of you to stay up so late for us, especially when you are not feeling 100%. If you need to go, I understand.

[12/24 18:51] BETH [Facilitator]: Helpme that was a bad time to leave I agree. You are doing good. Do you have any meds for depression.

[12/24 18:52] Pelagius: Helpme, there is a lovely Christian man who runs a website for men in MLC who says many men leave during the holidays,

[12/24 18:53] Brin [Facilitator]: helpme@18:49, I am glad you stopped by tonight. I found this chat room really lifted my spirit on Thanksgiving Day when I was all alone. SO I am glad that we have chat room during the holidays.

[12/24 18:53] BETH [Facilitator]: Brin I am not in bed just tired. I can sleep in a bit tomorrow because we are eating late. My D works until 3 p.m. so she wants to eat with us. There will be me, D and my 2 sisters. One sister lost her H in Sept.

[12/24 18:54] Yoli: Beth, Brin: What made me sad is that older daughter was upset at having to take me to hospital. She was being bossy with younger daughter. Once I got out of recovery, older one left and I didn't see her until today. I don't understand them sometimes.

[12/24 18:54] Pelagius: All, I need to go for a few minutes. I will try to come back. But thanks to all for being here. And while I know we are all struggling, I feel led to thank God for the time I had with my husband today. (Cont)

[12/24 18:54] Brin [Facilitator]: Beth@18:53, It must be nice to be able to spend tomorrow with your d, and your 2 sisters.

[12/24 18:55] BETH [Facilitator]: Pelagius I am inclined to agree with that. My H left around Labor day. Most every year he takes a holiday when it is my birthday and our anniversary. he works every Christmas.

[12/24 18:55] Yoli: Beth: Can you have lithotripsy done? To pass them can be like giving birth to a bouncing baby stone.

[12/24 18:55] helpme: Beth; I have tried time & again to get meds for depression but they keep saying I'm not that bad...even through there have been times I thought of taking my own life..still they say I'm not that bad..

[12/24 18:55] Pelagius: (cont) for those of you without sight or sound of your spouse, I pray God fills your mind and heart with peaceful and sweet thoughts.

[12/24 18:56] Brin [Facilitator]: helpme, Yoli, They do pick the strangest times. Mine moved out right before my birthday...

[12/24 18:56] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli when you figure your children out let me know how you did it. I sure can't figure them out for the love of money.

[12/24 18:56] Pelagius: Beth @ 18:55, does your h live with you? Mine didn't leave until after the affair became known.

[12/24 18:57] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@18:54, mmm - is your older daughter feeling insecure?

[12/24 18:57] Pelagius: Beth @ 18:55, cont. he confessed to the affair two weeks after the speech, but he wanted to stay in our house at first, before the confession.

[12/24 18:58] helpme: Beth; I 'think' my boys & family are going to see their dad tomorrow evening, I hope all goes well (they do not care for ow).

[12/24 18:58] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli The specialist is gone right now for Christmas. In order to have anything done I have to go to St. John's 4 1/2 hours away.

[12/24 18:58] Yoli: Beth: I knew that I could rely more on younger daughter than the older one. She spent most of the afternoon with me yesterday & couldn't do enough for me. She's really a sweet girl. Older one has issues that she hasn't worked out. She blamed me for

[12/24 18:58] BETH [Facilitator]: Helpme find another Dr. Some meds are good for both depression and anxiety.

[12/24 18:59] Brin [Facilitator]: NW, Hello. Merry Christmas to you. How are you doing? Did you guys have a good time celebrating your son's BD?

[12/24 18:59] Yoli: Beth: cont-everything as well. She told me on Sunday that she just can't talk to me. Yet she spends hours at a time telling me about all that's going on. Help.

[12/24 18:59] BETH [Facilitator]: Pelagius no my H doesn't live with me. After he moved out a month ow moved in with him.

[12/24 19:00] Yoli: Brin: I don't know if older daughter is feeling insecure or not. I don't know what she feels.

[12/24 19:00] helpme: Beth; I live in a small town & don't have a car now, so I'm very limited in who I get to see for depression.

[12/24 19:01] BETH [Facilitator]: helpme, that will be nice for them to see tier father. As I always say no matter what happens between my H and me he is still the children's father.

[12/24 19:01] Brin [Facilitator]: helpme@18:55, I agree with Beth. I think you should get a 2nd opinion by trying another doctor. Sounds serious enough to me. I have been through this before - years ago, so I know what you mean,

[12/24 19:01] Yoli: Beth: Wow that's too bad. I'm so sorry about the stones. I've seen the kind of pain they cause. Older daughter even got bactremic the first time she got them. Was in ICU overnight.

[12/24 19:02] BETH [Facilitator]: yoli sorry to hear about your D being so sick with the stones.

[12/24 19:03] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli how old are your children

[12/24 19:03] helpme: Beth; Yes, it will be very good for my sons to see him, I pray they have a good visit.

[12/24 19:03] Yoli: Brin: You don't know how bad I've wanted to ask daughters if my h asked about me & the surgery. They spent last night with him. His bday was on Monday.

[12/24 19:03] BETH [Facilitator]: Helpme I am concerned for you. Is there anyone who can take you to a DR to get some help.

[12/24 19:04] BETH [Facilitator]: Hello Noworries How are you? Merry Christmas to you.

[12/24 19:04] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@18:58, Perhaps your older d feels competition between her and her sister for your attention and love. I know it's tricky to talk to her if she's blaming you for things.

[12/24 19:04] helpme: Beth; My fear is though he will back out, that has happened so many times...even with Thanksgiving H backed out on seeing them..sad.

[12/24 19:05] Yoli: Beth:21 and 17. What's amazing is that younger one told me on Monday that "it was all of us" causing problems among us. I thought that was very insightful. That's exactly what it is. But older one blames me b/c it's easier than taking responsibility

[12/24 19:06] Yoli: Brin: Well compared to Thanksgiving when they had a blow out, I thought things were better this time. But they aren't. Older daughter is really jealous of younger one. Even about the difference in height & hair color!

[12/24 19:06] helpme: Beth; Many times the Lord has brought me though when I've been so depressed, God is faithful.

[12/24 19:06] Brin [Facilitator]: YYoli@19:03, Wow, you did great zipping your lips, girl!

[12/24 19:07] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli, what does she blame you for. My sister has a D 18 and is very mad at both her mother and father.

[12/24 19:07] Yoli: Beth: At 19:02 it was bad. This last time was even worse. She calls me for help & I tell her what to do. I can't leave younger one alone. There's no help from husband.

[12/24 19:08] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:06, It might help if you try to compliment her on her virtues and reassure her of your love for her. It sounds like she's feeling insecure. If she was feeling secure, she wouldn't need to be jealous of her sister.

[12/24 19:08] Yoli: Brin: Interesting that you say this. I think I've been zipping my lips about a lot of things & they told me that I was always angry & depressed. That I needed to get over what happened. H was never coming back. All b/c I zip my lips. Younger d agreed

[12/24 19:10] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli does your H help in any way ? Money ? I am not sure if I understand the part about calling you for help. Does she live with you? Is she working ?

[12/24 19:10] Yoli: Beth: I think both d's are angry. Younger one takes it out on me but older one acts as if she's okay. But she's not. See h was ready to admit her to psych hospital about 2 months after he moved out. Even with this, he told me that they would be okay

[12/24 19:11] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:08, Ahh - they don't understand the power of zipping lips. It's strange that they think you are angry and depressed because you don't ask about their dad?

[12/24 19:11] Yoli: Beth: No she's in college. But b/c she and dad have major arguments about money, she'll call to vent to me & then tells me on Sunday that every time she mentions him I have negative comments to make. Not true!! She calls to ask for advice because that's fr

[12/24 19:12] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli show her unconditional love and pray, pray for her. get a friend or someone in this group to help you pray for her.

[12/24 19:13] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli, You mentioned much earlier about a restoration testimony. Could you share more about that sometime?

[12/24 19:13] Yoli: Brin: Well she's jealous about a lot of things but she's beautiful. A few weeks ago she asked me who she resembled. All I said is that she looks like herself. But height wise, she does look like me. I'm short.

[12/24 19:13] BETH [Facilitator]: Yoli can she work part time and go to school or get student loans?

[12/24 19:15] BETH [Facilitator]: Ladies I am going to go now. I will try and drop in tomorrow night. I will try to catch upon some rest.

[12/24 19:15] Yoli: Brin: It was a CD from Covenant Keepers. He was a minister at a church here in Houston. He had an adulterous affair for half of their married life (about 10 years) U then began to cheat on the cheater. It took him 5 yrs to come full circle. He had to sell used cars. After their marriage was restored, they were asked to give their testimony at the same church where he preached. The congregation needed healing as well. It was good. If I can I will send to you later.

[12/24 19:15] helpme: Beth; Bless you & Merry Christmas!

[12/24 19:16] Priscilla97: sorry, I'm back---my daughter arrived home from her dad's so I had to chat

[12/24 19:16] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:13, Maybe you can remind her every so often that she's beautiful. Maybe she doesn't think she is, even though she is. I know my H used to always tell me he thinks I'm beautiful but I wouldn't believe him and it upset him that I didn't. It's a self-image problem, and maybe she has that problem.

[12/24 19:17] Yoli: Brin: There were actually about 7 CD's with restored testimonies. I can't wait to hear the other ones. It also seems that this same couple gave their testimony at one of the annual meetings for Covenant keepers.

[12/24 19:17] Priscilla97: I want to know more about Covenant Keepers

[12/24 19:17] Brin [Facilitator]: Beth, Thanks so much fro helping out tonight. Couldn't have done without you. Merry Christmas to you.

[12/24 19:18] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello everyone, hope your Christmas Eve is joyful

[12/24 19:18] Yoli: Brin: She tells me that dad has told her "no guy is going to want to date a fat girl." He never told any of us what he thought but did mention their weight.

[12/24 19:19] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:15, Yes, please send it. BTW, I tried asking for help with finding a prayer partner but I never did get a response from them...

[12/24 19:19] Yoli: Priscilla97: Their an organization founded by Marilyn Conrad who has a restored marriage. I think they have some groups around the country. They believe in standing for your marriage. They also have a lot of materials that you can order from them,

[12/24 19:20] helpme: Swanlake; Hello!

[12/24 19:20] Brin [Facilitator]: Swan, Hello. It's nice to see you. Hope your day has been good too.

[12/24 19:21] Yoli: Brin: From Covenant Keepers? We have a woman that belongs to Covenant Keepers that attends our meetings as well. They are almost the same as what Bob & Charlyne have.

[12/24 19:21] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Brin - very good, spent it with friends, spoke to my children and grandson in California.

[12/24 19:22] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:18, What an awful thing for your H to say to her. This would have set her self-image back! Poor thing!

[12/24 19:24] Brin [Facilitator]: Swan@19:21, How nice for you. I went to Christmas Eve service and then had dinner at a friends afterwards. It was nice to have company for sure.

[12/24 19:24] helpme: Swanlake; Could use some prayer for tomorrow...dil & I got into it this morning & things have went down hill from there today. She really likes to control me the way she does my son, that caused problems this morning.

[12/24 19:25] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:21, Yes, Covenant Keepers. I was hoping to find a prayer partner nearer where I am.

[12/24 19:25] Yoli: Brin: Well he never paid any compliments to younger daughter either. To be honest with you, he never said too many good things to me.

[12/24 19:26] Priscilla97: Do you have a website to go to: for the covenant keepers?

[12/24 19:26] Brin [Facilitator]: Yoli@19:25, Was he always this way, or only after MLC hit?

[12/24 19:26] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - will cover you in prayer tonight and tomorrow. Sorry about your dil, some people just have to be in control of everything around them. Will pray for her to soften as well.

[12/24 19:26] Priscilla97: what have you heard about it?

[12/24 19:27] Priscilla97: Do most MLC need lots of love? like they feel rejected & have trouble receiving love?

[12/24 19:27] helpme: Swanlake; Youngest son says he's ready to move out (he lives with them), says he just can't deal with her.

[12/24 19:28] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@19:26, I think the web site is http://covenantkeepers.org/

[12/24 19:28] Yoli: Brin: He was always like this. Not really sure why? He had some other quirks but I still love him.

[12/24 19:30] Yoli: All: Feeling a little tired. Going to try and get some rest. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow. Thanks.

[12/24 19:30] helpme: Swanlake; Bless you for your prayers. By the way, thank you for the sweet Christmas card, I wanted to buy Christmas for grandsons and it really left me short & couldn't afford even stamps after I paid for gifts. Your card was a blessing to me.

[12/24 19:30] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - usually people who need to be in control are themselves out of control in some thing in their own lives, they also commonly have many fears and control is a way to deal with the fear.

[12/24 19:31] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@19:27, Yes, they need our unconditional love and our unconditional respect. Even if they don't respond to it now or acknowledge it, they notice it and remember it. Our love/respect/affirmation will help them feel safe to come back.

[12/24 19:32] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - I am so happy you were able to get some things for your grandsons and I am glad the card was a blessing, I love to send Christmas cards to those I care about and love.

[12/24 19:32] helpme: Swanlake; Dil is always needing to go to hospital or doctor...even doctors say there's nothing wrong with her. Is this common with wanting to be in control?

[12/24 19:33] Priscilla97: they actually notice it even though they reject it & don't receive it?

[12/24 19:37] Priscilla97: Is Christmas day tough for lots of these "families"?

[12/24 19:37] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@19:33, They'd have to notice it before they can reject it. They may reject it out of guilt or hurt or anger. But deep down they will remember our kindness. My H from time to time tells me he notices my new attitude, and tells me that I have been extremely supportive of him. If you have not read "The Prodigal's Perspective" by Bob Steinkamp, I'd recommend it. You can get it from rejoiceministries.org.

[12/24 19:38] helpme: Swanlake; Doing anything special for Christmas Day?

[12/24 19:38] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - actually there are some who convince themselves they are ill, to them it is real, they will even feel the pain and develop symptoms. This is usually brought on because when they were younger it was the only time they got attention. So, now as an adult they develop these pains to achieve attention again. It is said there are three types of attention, good attention, bad attention and NO attention, when people don't get good attention, they will actually act out to get bad attention because NO attention is too painful.

[12/24 19:38] Hannah [Facilitator]: hi everybody

[12/24 19:38] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme are your family there yet?

[12/24 19:39] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@19:37, Bob Steinkamp, a returned prodigal, says that the holidays are even harder for the prodigal than for the left behind family.

[12/24 19:39] Brin [Facilitator]: Hannah, Hi there. Merry Christmas to you. How are you?

[12/24 19:40] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - spending it with friends in the area and then I am facilitating chat tomorrow from 3:00 to 9:00 pm pacific time.

[12/24 19:41] helpme: Swanlake; I know from people who knew dil when she was growing up she was treated mean & not had a good childhood...so I can understand what you are saying.

[12/24 19:41] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hannah - using dogs and sleds to get around up there yet? How are you girl?

[12/24 19:41] Priscilla97: why is it hard for the prodigal? yes, I will have to read it--I'll go to the website.

[12/24 19:41] Hannah [Facilitator]: Brin I am fine thanks. Just returned from a friend's party, church before that.

[12/24 19:42] Hannah [Facilitator]: Swan we had a lot of snow but now the rain is setting in and it is melting although there is still about 3-4 feet in some places.

[12/24 19:42] Hannah [Facilitator]: All it will be a white Christmas here though.

[12/24 19:42] helpme: Hannah; Hello! Yes, my family came in last night, they are staying at hotel tonight (dil & I got into argument this morning). Son came also & going to cook tomorrow! I'm touched he wants to do that, chef's school is good for him!

[12/24 19:43] Brin [Facilitator]: helpme@19:41, When children were by their parents physically or emotionally, they have to survive on their own and learn to control the world around them. They learn that they need to control things in order to survive and feel safe. They won't let people into their world.

[12/24 19:44] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - I agree, chef school has seemed to give so much to your son in the way of responsibility and self confidence.

[12/24 19:46] Brin [Facilitator]: Priscilla@19:41, Because the holidays remind them of their families and what they are missing. At the same time they can't come back (yet) for whatever reason - guilt, shame, disobedience, pride, etc. I encourage you to subscribe to Charlyne Cares devotionals - also from the rejoiceministries.org website. They are awesome devotionals. Many, many times, they speak to me just when I need them.

[12/24 19:47] Brin [Facilitator]: Hannah, Same here - it's been snowing soooo much. It seems I am always shoveling snow....

[12/24 19:47] helpme: Swanlake; He has a year and a half and then they even will find him a good job cooking somewhere. And if he ever needs a job all he has to do is contact them & they will help him find one..not bad I think.

[12/24 19:48] Priscilla97: thanks, I'll try that

[12/24 19:49] helpme: Hannah; We've had lots & lots of rain here...too bad you can't send me some snow for Christmas.

[12/24 19:49] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme your son will finish school when my d finishes her masters in communication disorders. We will have to celebrate together.

[12/24 19:51] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - just imagine in approximately 18 months your son can be a chef at a resort, on a cruise ship, or some place really fabulous, it will be so good for him.

[12/24 19:52] helpme: Hannah; That would be cool :)

[12/24 19:53] helpme: Swanlake; I can tell just what he's already done has helped his self esteem a bunch, look out world!

[12/24 19:54] Hannah [Facilitator]: helpme what time do your guests arrive tomorrow

[12/24 19:55] Brin [Facilitator]: All, I think I'll say good night now. Getting tired and need to say my prayers before going to bed. Merry Christmas to you all. May God comfort you and give you joy even during this difficult time.

[12/24 19:56] helpme: Hannah; I have no clue. What are you doing tomorrow?

[12/24 19:57] helpme: All I want to say Bless you all for being here tonight, it did lift my spirits & help being here.

[12/24 19:57] Priscilla97: goodnight

[12/24 19:58] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - I know you will miss him if he gets a job outside of the area, but I can tell you just about every cruise ship I have been on, the staff love working on them and some of the all inclusive resorts, especially those in the Caribbean, the staff goes on and on about how great their jobs are. When I was in tourist, we spoke to the staff a lot. Just a thought for him if he doesn't want to stay around there and wants to get out and see the world.

[12/24 19:58] Priscilla97: all those suggestions will be a great start for me ..thanks

[12/24 19:58] Hannah [Facilitator]: Son and family will come tomorrow morning and then in the afternoon we will go to my daughter-in-law’s grandmas

[12/24 19:58] Priscilla97: I've already signed up from Charlyne's site

[12/24 19:59] helpme: Swanlake; Oh, he's already told me he wants to go elsewhere...so I'm enjoying the blessings of his cooking now.

[12/24 20:01] helpme: Hannah; Well, you have a Blessed Christmas and maybe we can talk tomorrow evening or sometime.

[12/24 20:01] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - sometimes our baby birds have to stretch their wings and sometimes, we have to give them a little nudge and watch them start flying as they speed through the air.

[12/24 20:02] helpme: Swanlake; Ok, I'm not going to think about that right now, my oldest son is leaving for overseas next year & already get tears in my eyes over that.

[12/24 20:04] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: helpme - circumstances are different, emotions will run a little higher considering older son's deployment. But just think, wherever your younger son goes, you will have an excuse to visit.

[12/24 20:05] Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Well, it is time to close tonight, please join us tomorrow for our special Christmas Day chat beginning at 3:00 pm going until 9:00 pm pacific time.

[12/24 20:05] helpme: Swanlake; You're right there! In Jan. youngest gets to have family come to school & cook for them (and get graded on it). I'm planning on going.

[12/24 20:06] helpme: God Bless Each And Every One! In my prayers, good night I'm so glad there was chat tonight

[12/24 20:20] Cricket [Facilitator]: All - Sorry I missed everyone, tried to get in before chat closed. Had some unexpected things happen that got me distracted and time got away from me. Merry Christmas all.

[12/24 18:02] Brin [Facilitator]: All, Good evening and welcome to Christmas Eve chat room. May God help us to encourage one another during this time.

[12/24 18:07] Brin [Facilitator]: Hello Priscilla. How are you tonight?

[12/24 18:08] Priscilla97: Hi---I'm struggling during this season, but I'm trying to think of these days (the holidays) as just 'another day' on the calendar :-)

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud