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July 04, 2012

6:34 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - I guess that is where I get confused. I don't really feel "walked on", just have a hard time when he pulls close (like once he got through security, he turned and threw me a "air kiss" goodbye, then a few minutes later he calls and "says I am on the plane now. Just pulls really close at times and I see my real H, then he distracts himself with work and it seems me and the boys are out of sight, out of mind (at least that is how it feels) although he says he thinks of me all the time..

6:40 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 Your H is still very much in the throes of MLC.   I will reiterate what I said before, and that is you just need to have a great amount of patience and faith right now. I would take comfort in the fact that there is no OW, that he still really cares about you and even more importantly, that he TELLS you and SHOWS you that he cares even thought it may not be as often or in all the ways that you might like.


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July 04, 2012 / Wednesday 6-7 pm PST / CR#3

6:07 PM

mas

Swan Good evening.

6:07 PM

Swan

I guess everyone is getting ready for fireworks, this is a really slow start tonight. Mas how are you tonight?

6:08 PM

mas

Swan Well, nothing personal, but I wish I were out watching fireworks too.

6:09 PM

mas

Swan How are you? Did you work today?

6:10 PM

Swan

mas - I guess they will start here in about an hour, there are several places here that will have them. I can see four locations from my deck, but it just isn't the same watching alone. Not to mention I will be sleeping through them this year.

6:10 PM

mas

Swan No, sadly it isn't the same watching alone at all.

6:11 PM

mas

Swan Funny, today was the first time we've had rain here in quite awhile. But it looks like it might clear up before the fireworks.

6:11 PM

Swan

mas - I'm good, I worked last night, today and will work again tonight. For now it is the way the Lord is providing for me. I'm just not going to win the big lottery, I guess so He provided me with good places to work. Of course, guess I would have to actually play the lottery to win!!

6:12 PM

mas

Swan Yes, I think that might help just a little!!

6:13 PM

Swan

mas - that is funny, especially for your area. We need rain badly here, there are bans on fireworks in so many areas because it is so dry here right now. Most personal fireworks are being limited.

6:13 PM

mas

Swan @11 I know what you mean. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to win either, so that's why I'm looking for work as well.

6:15 PM

mas

Swan Guess we just have to accept the life the Lord has given us.

6:16 PM

Swan

mas - I got that, what type of work do you do or kind of like me just looking for anything. I never thought I would be doing housekeeping, but here I am and actually it isn't bad, I like the people, the guest are ok for the most part and there are times the work itself is a little hard on the back, but every day when I feel like I am waning, I seem to get a second wind to carry me through.

6:16 PM

mas

Swan Yes, I'm looking for anything right now to help carry me through.

6:17 PM

Swan

mas - I will keep you in prayer for the job that God has for you and were you will be an honor to Him.

6:18 PM

mas

Swan Since like you, my H has not been consistent with spousal support and it's too much hassle to do go through all types of legal channels.

6:18 PM

Swan

Hi dumbfounded - how are you tonight?

6:18 PM

mas

Swan Thank you so much. I appreciate that.

6:18 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan, Mas - Hey! Hope ya'll have had a good 4th of July. I invited my parents over and we grilled burgers and had a nice time.   My boys S12 and S20 did all the cooking so I got to visit with my parents for awhile. Nice.

6:19 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 Oh, that sounds really nice! Glad you had a good day.

6:20 PM

Swan

mas - it’s a hassle and very expensive, which makes no sense since you don't have any money if they aren't paying as they should be.   Our legal system really does make it too easy for these people to not be responsible, spousal support is one thing, but it is just as bad with child support and that is a crime in my opinion.

6:20 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 I had wanted my family to come over and had hoped we could all go and at least watch some fireworks, but none of them wanted to. So, here I am.

6:21 PM

mas

Swan I agree with you completely...it is just so unfair to the LBS.

6:21 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan, Mas - Thanks, but I need you girls to help me remember how H can cycle. You might remember H has been reconnecting more and more and even spent the night here Last Sat night. He has been working out of town a lot for his company and he came and asked me to go to his plant and tour Sat evening and introduced me to co workers as his "wife". Anyway, yesterday, he text and said he would call me soon! Still haven't heard a word. I know he is working 12 -14 hours a day . I took him to the airport and his truck is here so I guess when he returns in a couple of weeks he will expect me to pick him up. I just need to make sure I stay grounded and remember how they can zone out and seem easily distracted. I saw this in action over this past weekend. He told me several times how Hard it is without me and kept asking me if I loved him? What gives with that so much?

6:22 PM

mas

Swan I had talked to a few lawyers, but they all wanted a retainer and I just can't afford that since I've pretty much exhausted my savings at this point.

6:26 PM

Swan

mas - I will admit there are times I do question God, I just really do not understand the sowing and reaping thing, I sowed into my husband's military career, put everything I had wanted to do on hold and made that number one, when he needed to go to school I worked to help pay the tuition, I spent many nights alone while he was in classes after work and I did a lot of the research and typing for his homework to make it easier on him. I helped my husband be in the place of earning a 6 figure salary and then was thrown away and now there is an adulterous woman reaping the benefits of all that work. She put not one thing, not one minute, not one lonely night, not anything into getting him to where he is career wise, but she sure is sitting pretty. Guess sometimes I feel resentment, especially when I am tired and have had a long day.

6:26 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 For whatever my 2 cents is worth, it seems to me that your H is really on a crazy rollercoaster. With that said, I really believe that he still cares very much about you just from the things he says and the way he behaves, even though it's quite contradictory at times. I think the key words here are patience and trust in God.

6:29 PM

dumbfounded2

mas - I agree about the crazy rollercoaster ride, because when I am on the phone with him he gets so "real" about his feelings, but when he is face to face with me he tries to flirt and joke (jokes with boys).   I think it is just Too much emotion for him to feel at one time where we are all concerned. But it is also amazing to see him struggle with small decisions (even had a hard time getting his stuff together for his work trip). I helped and he kept saying I knew you would help me remember

6:29 PM

dumbfounded2

mas - everything..

6:31 PM

Swan

dumbfounded2 - it sounds like your husband cares and wants you in his life, he just has his moments when he also wants to escape.   Remember often their desire to escape isn't about us at all, we just get the fallout of it. I would say accept what he can give you when he can, be cautious of being used and set boundaries. Loving a MLCer doesn't mean we lay down and become a doormat, it is ok to stand up for yourself in those things that are just beyond our own emotional boundaries. They might rebel, but at some point they will also respect us more for not letting them walk over us.

6:32 PM

mas

Swan I can sense your frustration tonight but at the same time I do understand what you're saying. Although I didn't go so far as to put my H through school, I was right there beside him through some very difficult financial times. And yes, I feel exactly the same way about being discarded like a piece of trash while the OW is reaping the benefits of everything we had worked for. I thought that he and I would be spending this time enjoying ourselves and traveling the world, but instead, he's out there having a good time with her. It really hurts a lot.

6:34 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - I guess that is where I get confused. I don't really feel "walked on", just have a hard time when he pulls close (like once he got through security, he turned and threw me a "air kiss" goodbye, then a few minutes later he calls and "says I am on the plane now. Just pulls really close at times and I see my real H, then he distracts himself with work and it seems me and the boys are out of sight, out of mind (at least that is how it feels) although he says he thinks of me all the time..

6:37 PM

Swan

mas - I didn't exactly put him through school, he always had his military salary, but I did work to help cover our expenses while he paid for school. The military only paid for 3/4 of the tuition and none of the books, lab fees, etc.   And like you this isn't where I thought I would be, my husband used to always thank me for sacrificing so much and would say "one day when I am making lots of money, you'll get to relax and be treated like a queen", for now someone else is sitting on that thrown. I know God has a plan and I trust the Lord, just like I said at times when I am tired, it is hard not to feel a little resentment.

6:40 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 Your H is still very much in the throes of MLC.   I will reiterate what I said before, and that is you just need to have a great amount of patience and faith right now. I would take comfort in the fact that there is no OW, that he still really cares about you and even more importantly, that he TELLS you and SHOWS you that he cares even thought it may not be as often or in all the ways that you might like.

6:41 PM

Swan

dumbfounded2 - I would say he does think of you all the time, but to the MLCer they measure themselves by their career success and they just honestly take family for granted. He is in as much confusion as you are, he wants to be the good husband and dad, but wants to be respected and admired in his career as much, maybe more. Men rarely measure themselves by their families, but by work and a MLC man even more so.

6:45 PM

Swan

Amen to what mas said at :40, the MLC walk does definitely train up our patience and faith.

6:45 PM

mas

Swan I know. My H and I were actually planning on buying a new house before he left. He had told me that I would have everything and anything I wanted...it would be like my "dream" home. He was also supposed to take me to Greece and Italy for our anniversary. Well, here I am, in a rented house which I could lose at any time, while he and the OW enjoyed themselves on a vacation to Hawaii.

6:51 PM

Swan

mas - the ironic part is they probably are not enjoying themselves on vacation. My husband and I always talked about him working at the home office for his company which is in England, the year after they got married that opportunity became available for him. Our plan was since we would live in Europe, to take little mini trip all over Europe.   She went over with him and after two weeks, they got into a major fight, she flew back to California, filed for divorce. She withdrew the divorce, went back over, they fought and this continued for six months (except for the filing for divorce part, she only did that twice).   His dream of working at the home company and getting to travel Europe cheap was ended, he had to request a transfer back to the US after six months and when the company reminded him of his one year commitment, he actually left that company and now works for another company which my children say he hates but it keeps him in Northern California where she wants to be.

6:54 PM

mas

Swan Ahhh....I thought he was still working overseas.

6:55 PM

mas

Swan That's why I was wondering where he was when he became ill.

6:56 PM

Swan

mas - Well actually right now he isn't working anywhere, he had to quit because of his heart, guess that has her both sitting happy but then again not so much. He isn't old enough to retire, they are living off what investments, savings he has and his military retirement which isn't much. From what I have heard about her spending habits, can't imagine her being too happy with the financial situation and I know my husband he can be extremely tight with money when he is afraid of not having it anymore.

6:57 PM

mas

Swan It's all just so very, very sad.

6:57 PM

Swan

mas - The company he works for now, he does travel a good deal, and he was in the Boston Airport when he collapsed.

6:58 PM

Swan

mas - Unfortunately the Word of God does warn about the adulterous wasting away a man's fortune and my understanding is she is doing to part to confirm that scripture.

6:59 PM

mas

Swan It sure seems that way!

6:59 PM

mas

Swan Well, it looks like it's about time for chat to close!

7:00 PM

mas

Swan The hour went pretty fast.

7:00 PM

Swan

mas - it does seem the hour has gone by quickly.

7:01 PM

mas

dumbfounded You've been kind of quiet...everything okay?

7:02 PM

mas

Swan Do you have to go to work now?

7:03 PM

mas

Swan Maybe she's watching fireworks.

7:03 PM

Swan

mas - no I am going back to bed for a couple hours, then have to be to work at midnight, from there I go to the other job at 9am, then I get to come home and sleep for a few hours before I start all over again.

7:04 PM

Swan

Yeah, it is time for the fireworks, at least here!

7:05 PM

mas

Swan Well, I'm not going to say take care of yourself again   because I know you've heard it from too many other people. I trust that you're able to pace yourself and know how much your body can handle.

7:05 PM

Swan

Well it has been nice chatting with you ladies, I am heading off so the room will be closing in a moment. Please enjoy the rest of your evening and join us again Friday evening.

7:06 PM

Swan

mas - thank you and yes I do keep an good pace, I don't push myself too hard at either job and am getting a good amount of sleep.

7:06 PM

Swan

Night ladies.

7:06 PM

mas

Swan and dumbfounded2 Goodnight and have a wonderful 4th of July! (Whatever's left of it!)

7:07 PM

mas

Bye!


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6:34 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - I guess that is where I get confused. I don't really feel "walked on", just have a hard time when he pulls close (like once he got through security, he turned and threw me a "air kiss" goodbye, then a few minutes later he calls and "says I am on the plane now. Just pulls really close at times and I see my real H, then he distracts himself with work and it seems me and the boys are out of sight, out of mind (at least that is how it feels) although he says he thinks of me all the time..

6:40 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 Your H is still very much in the throes of MLC.   I will reiterate what I said before, and that is you just need to have a great amount of patience and faith right now. I would take comfort in the fact that there is no OW, that he still really cares about you and even more importantly, that he TELLS you and SHOWS you that he cares even thought it may not be as often or in all the ways that you might like.

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud