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Christmas Eve / Regular Session - 12/24/11

1:57 PM

dumbfounded2

To all - Hi everyone.  Hope you all are reminding yourselves of all your blessings even if your significant other is not around.  I do have a question.  What emotion or feeling keeps a spouse away from wife and family during holidays?  Even when H has recently reconnected and says he still loves me and has brought gifts by as early as 2 days ago.  I invited him to spend day with us and have dinner with our families (his and mine) He said he didn’t think they would understand and that he and I barely understand (think this is a good sign) What do yall think?

2:00 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 they are so many emotions going through their heads at the moment and I think the holidays are a time when they want to be more careful about the messages they send, by being present it might mean more than just bringing by presents would mean

 

 

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December 24, 2011 / Saturday 1-2 pm PST / CR#5

1:02 PM

Swan

Hello everyone, welcome to Saturday afternoon chat

1:07 PM

Morwenna

Hello Swan, sorry I am late. I am at my brother's house and needed to install Java to get into chat

1:09 PM

Morwenna

How are you today Swan?

1:12 PM

slo

All-Happy Christmas Eve. :)

1:12 PM

Morwenna

Hello slo and welcome to chat.

1:12 PM

mas

Hi everyone.

1:12 PM

Morwenna

Hiya mas and welcome to chat

1:13 PM

Morwenna

slo @:12 and to you too! How is your day going?

1:14 PM

mas

Morwenna Swan slo How are you today?

1:14 PM

Morwenna

All, I am at my brother's house and he has just put his D6 to bed. She is just so excited!

1:15 PM

mas

Morwenna Isn't it so exciting to see Christmas through children's eyes?

1:16 PM

mas

Hi buttons!

1:16 PM

buttons

Hey MAS

1:16 PM

Morwenna

mas @:14 I am feeling good thanks. Our sister just phoned so we were on loud speaker talking to her. Apparently Father Christmas in Baghdad at the moment - as on NORAD

1:16 PM

slo

All-I could use some advice...h is moving out on Thursday and our court date is February 21st.  We have remained pretty close for the entire time except for a bit when he was in replay.  I have pretty much been "available" for him for the past 5 years. He has come home, moved out, come home and now moving out again.  What is your opinion about creating space between us when he comes around again after he moves out?  We have out, do things together, and talk every do day or so...with benefits.  Should things be different this time around?  Should I tell him when he wants to hang out or do something no?  He is already talking about taking a "bike ride" this summer and maybe taking me with him.

1:16 PM

buttons

morwenna very exciting for children

1:17 PM

mas

Morwenna Sorry, what is NORAD?

1:18 PM

mas

slo Is there OW?

1:18 PM

Morwenna

mas @15 Oh yes it is. My youngest is 15 now so it's been a long time since I've had the excitement of a young child at this time. We decorated the tree together and got the grocery shopping in. As the mother of 3 sons spending time with a little girl is so lovely. N3 will be here from 9am to 6pm and I've not met her yet - I can't wait!

1:19 PM

mas

Morwenna Where does your sister live?

1:20 PM

Morwenna

mas @:17 It's available online to see a map of the world and where Santa has been already.

1:20 PM

slo

mas - Yes.  They have been off and on again also.  She is engaged to another man but told H when our D is final she will break up with him and come back to H.  She is a piece of work.  He has been with her almost 8 years.  From the beginning of mlc.  He tries to leave her but she won't let him and he has even said it is like an addiction and can't break it off with no contact.

1:20 PM

buttons

slo I don't recognize your name... anyway... my H has gone and returned, the first time he returned injured and wasn't ready to return, the second time it seemed like he was wanting to return but it was an undetermined time frame as he was overseas... the whole time there have been benefits as something my dad said early one stuck in my head--- they had friends who ended up together, fully again, because there was the "intimacy"... as mas said though is there an ow... that might put caution in your moves but I know it doesn't always for some

1:20 PM

mas

Morwenna Ohhh!! Gotcha!! :)

1:20 PM

Morwenna

mas @:19 In the same county as me. Our brother is in the next county

1:21 PM

Swan

mas - A military organization responsible for the aerospace and maritime defense of the United States and Canada. Also provides advanced warning of impending missile and air attacks against its member nations, safeguards the air sovereignty of North America, and maintains airborne forces for defense against attack.

1:22 PM

buttons

hello nutterbutter it's been a while

1:22 PM

nutterbutter

Hi everyone

1:22 PM

mas

Swan Thank you!

1:22 PM

buttons

thank you swan I know NORAD was something like that but couldn't put it in words for mas :)

1:22 PM

buttons

Hi Swan

1:22 PM

mas

nutterbutter Hi, how are you?

1:23 PM

Swan

mas & buttons - I am very familiar with NORAD, my husband worked with them when he was in the Marine Corps.

1:23 PM

Morwenna

Hiya buttons and welcome to chat

1:23 PM

Morwenna

Hiya doveseyes and welcome to chat

1:24 PM

buttons

Hi doveseyes

1:24 PM

Morwenna

slo @:16 I would say it's good to keep the friendship going.

1:24 PM

nutterbutter

mas: Hi mas, how are you?

1:24 PM

mas

slo Having OW in the picture makes things more complex. Right now, he probably feels as if he has the best of both worlds.

1:24 PM

buttons

All so I peeked at the gifts my mom brought for me and one of them is a daily calendar for women who do too much... rgh, I am done with my family giving me their two bits

1:25 PM

mas

nutterbutter Feeling a little under the weather. Am trying to fight off a cold.

1:25 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:25 How naughty of you to peek!

1:25 PM

doveseyes

Morwenna hello...and merry Christmas everyone

1:25 PM

nutterbutter

mas: Awww....feel better mas.

1:25 PM

mas

doveseyes Hi, Merry Christmas.

1:26 PM

Morwenna

mas @:25 Sorry to hear that (((((((HUGS)))))))

1:26 PM

mas

nutterbutter Thank you. What's new with you?

1:26 PM

Morwenna

Hiya Bluesky good to see you!

1:26 PM

mas

Morwenna Thank you.

1:26 PM

mas

Hi Bluesky.

1:26 PM

doveseyes

all just dropped in...crazy mess...h wants to come home for Christmas eve...but kids said no.  He has had no consistent contact with them for 2 years

1:26 PM

Bluesky

Morwenna Hi just popped in to wish you a Merry Christmas. Hope you are hanging in there.

1:26 PM

doveseyes

mas merry Christmas...how are you

1:27 PM

Bluesky

Mas, I am sorry I missed your birthday, so a belated Happy Birthday to you.

1:27 PM

nutterbutter

mas: Nothing much, just relaxing and enjoying my day off.

1:27 PM

Morwenna

doveseyes @:26 Oh dear that's a tough one. Has your H said why this year is different?

1:27 PM

mas

doveseyes Physically, a bit rundown, but otherwise okay.

1:27 PM

buttons

merry Christmas bluesky

1:27 PM

mas

nutterbutter Relaxing is a good thing!

1:27 PM

doveseyes

Morwenna misses everybody...hates the disconnect...and broke

1:27 PM

mas

Bluesky Thank you so much!

1:28 PM

doveseyes

mas what caused that?

1:28 PM

nutterbutter

mas: yes it is and much needed.

1:28 PM

Bluesky

Merry Christmas Buttons, doveseyes, nutterbutter and slo,

1:28 PM

Morwenna

Bluesky @:26 Yes I am bless you and thank you. I arrived at my brother's house late last night and have had a busy but fun day

1:28 PM

doveseyes

Bluesky merry Christmas...

1:28 PM

mas

doveseyes Oh...Just fighting a cold.

1:28 PM

nutterbutter

Bluesky: Same to you Bluesky!

1:28 PM

buttons

morwenna well the thing is my mom brought things for our kids and for me but not for H so I hide the ones for me away... it really hurt me and upset me as this is the second year she's done that

1:28 PM

Swan

buttons - They do a Santa tracking every year, it is really cool and kids love it.

1:28 PM

Bluesky

I will be back in tonight so stop in and say hi.

1:28 PM

mas

doveseyes How do YOU feel about your H coming for Christmas Eve?

1:28 PM

doveseyes

mas what are your Christmas plans...

1:28 PM

buttons

swan I remember checking them every so often when our kids were young

1:28 PM

Bluesky

Morwenna I am glad to hear that. You have been on my mind a lot.

1:29 PM

Morwenna

doveseyes @:27 Ah broke - I've been hearing that about my H as well lately

1:29 PM

doveseyes

mas torn...honestly just crying out to God...my kids aren't for it

1:29 PM

mas

doveseyes Having dinner at my mother's house...am going with D and SIL. What about you?

1:29 PM

Swan

buttons - Right now Santa is in Brasov, Romania

1:29 PM

doveseyes

Morwenna hum...you mean to tell me proverbs is true?  infidelity reduces their finical worth to a loaf of bread...

1:30 PM

doveseyes

mas tonight with my mom and kids...tomorrow am...with kids and them my aunts

1:30 PM

buttons

swan cool

1:30 PM

nutterbutter

Bluesky: I have a question. It seems as though my H finds it easier to spend time with our grandkids, but not with me. Is this normal in MLC?

1:30 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:28 Bless you for doing that for your H - I would do the same as you

1:30 PM

Bluesky

Swan, are you planning on being in chat tonight too?

1:31 PM

buttons

morwenna david/bosco said that I should not have but with the blow up from H late last week about my family being dead to him, etc... I really just did not think it was a good thing

1:31 PM

Bluesky

nutterbutter yep, it sure is. they connect, or stay connected to the kids first. First of all, there usually isn't any pressure with them.

1:31 PM

Morwenna

Bluesky @:29 Bless you! I can tell you getting away from home for a few days is just what I need right now and then its back into the fray come new year! :)

1:31 PM

mas

buttons @28 That’s got to make things a bit awkward and uncomfortable. (:

1:32 PM

Swan

Bluesky - I might be late since I am going to my brother in laws family, but we are hoping to be back here by chat time, I will be in the room once we get back.

1:32 PM

buttons

mas it sure does and it hurts, esp. when I peeked and saw one is a daily calendar for women who do too much

1:32 PM

Bluesky

Morwenna good, enjoy your time, is your pup with you? I wish we could help out with your housing situation.

1:33 PM

Bluesky

Swan enjoy too.

1:33 PM

mas

buttons Was she trying to send you a message?

1:33 PM

doveseyes

well...have to run...blessings and merry Christmas eve

1:34 PM

Morwenna

doveseyes @:29 Have you read all of proverbs about the unfaithful H heaping lit coals in his lap and what a vengeful H can do to his love rival if his wife cheats on him?

1:34 PM

buttons

mas I don't know but I think so... she has made comments about how it's been two years and such, she knows what all I'm doing to keep things afloat, etc... I truly do think she was

1:34 PM

Bluesky

all, I am going to take a nap before church. See you tonight.

1:35 PM

buttons

mas on the other end of it the other present was a photo album thing, to do digital albums and such

1:35 PM

Morwenna

Bluesky @:31 Sorry I didn't know about that happening

1:35 PM

buttons

Merry Christmas bluesky take care

1:35 PM

Bluesky

Morwenna about what?

1:36 PM

Swan

Bluesky - I'll, sadly I am not a big fan of my brother in laws sister, and she is somewhat snooty and is always trying to impress people, especially those she hasn't met before or doesn't see often.  She is just one of those people I can do in small doses.

1:36 PM

Bluesky

Swan well if anyone can get thru something like that it is you. But I do understand when you are forced into the situation.  Merry Christmas.

1:37 PM

Morwenna

Bluesky @:32 Yes, my pup is here lazing in front of my brother's very hot fire! He ran in the mud and had to be hosed off before he came in the house to be toweled dry! Bless you for thinking of me and my home situation. My brother may be losing his home too if he has to sell it for settlement

1:37 PM

Bluesky

Morwenna silly boy. Seriously, your brother too? That is just terrible.

1:38 PM

Morwenna

Bluesky @:35 Sorry that was for buttons

1:38 PM

Bluesky

Morwenna okay. talk to you soon. Hang in there.

1:39 PM

buttons

morwenna yeah, it makes it a different situation and it hurts so much to be "stuck" in the middle

1:39 PM

Morwenna

Bluesky @:38 Yes, both of us

1:40 PM

buttons

morwenna could you and your brother find something that would provide living spaces for both of you?

1:40 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:39 Especially when they don't even know what we're doing to protect them, but God sees your actions and will bless you for your loving heart

1:40 PM

Swan

Santa is now in Ankara, Turkey, boy he travels fast.

1:41 PM

mas

slo I think the last thing I said was that when there is OW in the picture, it tends to make things more complicated. The way things have been going, your H probably feels that he has the best of two worlds.

1:41 PM

buttons

morwenna thank you, I am trying to protect two people, I don't think she (my mom) knows how upset he is with her either at the moment and that's rough since he called her ma, thought of her as his second mom and such...

1:42 PM

Swan

Bluesky - I could stay here and not go, but I accepted the invitation, it made my sister happy.

1:42 PM

buttons

swan magic and belief are powerful things

1:42 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:40 That may be a possibility. We have talked about buying boats to live on. N6 told her dad that my H said he'll be glad when she can go and live with her father - so maybe she'll come and live with us too. She can't be manipulated by OW and my H - she knows that what they're doing is wrong. She's very very bright for a 6 year old

1:43 PM

buttons

swan it is never easy going where there are some you don't enjoy being around, my step-father is one of those people--- H really never liked him and I have tolerated him all along and now it's harder to take his strong opinionated personality and my mom has some of it rubbed off on her

1:43 PM

Morwenna

Swan @:40 Oh my I'm getting worried he'll be here before I get out of chat. If he sees me typing away he may not stop here! lol

1:44 PM

buttons

morwenna children are very perceptive, I have seen this in the classroom, some children handle it well and others try hiding it and that shows too

1:44 PM

buttons

morwenna don't worry, children have to be in bed, adults may not always see him :) hehehe

1:44 PM

slo

mas - That is how I have thought too. I have mentioned that and of course he disagrees.  so, should I be "distant" this time.  I'm not sure he would get it.  He would probably just think I am punishing and start with the whole rejection thing again.  I don’t know. I am really torn.

1:45 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:44 She is very well behaved with her father and me, but a handful for my H and OW. I'm wondering what N3 will be like when I get to meet her for the first time tomorrow?  Phew! That's OK then!

1:46 PM

buttons

morwenna although if you believe you might need to be more careful.  I can tell you that children often reflect what they sense or see, one little girl last year was so much of a handful, we found out some things that weren't good in her home.... then there was one of our little boys who saw his parents fighting often.... calm begets calm and as calm as your H and OW might be trying to come across children sense depth....

1:48 PM

nutterbutter

Have a good evening everyone! I'm going to take a nap....

1:48 PM

slo

buttons -what grade do you teach?

1:48 PM

mas

slo Of course, the other concern would be that of your health. Personally, I would maintain a friendly relationship with him, but as long as OW is still in the picture, I would not allow him to come back home yet.

1:49 PM

buttons

slo this year is K/1 which is the same as last year

1:49 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:48 Calm is definitely not in THAT household - my H has a caustic temper even in the best of his moods

1:50 PM

mas

Morwenna Hasn't the OW allowed you to see her all these years?

1:50 PM

slo

mas - that will be a definite next time he comes back.  I am tired of this keeping in contact stuff.  He has come home and left 4 times!!!!

1:50 PM

buttons

morwenna slo then the children know and will reflect that, even in the classroom if I don't remain calm or if I am feeling tired and overwhelmed the class seems to escalate and with my group last year and this if I'm that way then I need to get a handle on it fast or I am more than fried by the end of the day...

1:50 PM

Morwenna

SLO I believe Jim would advise insisting on counseling when they start wanting to come back. That we are to be soft when they go, but tougher when they want to return - often we do the opposite

1:51 PM

buttons

morwenna man I wish that had been something in my case but with H hurt it was not that easy and now... sigh... all in God's timing anyway, He knows His plans for my life

1:51 PM

mas

slo That's got to be so hard on you!

1:51 PM

slo

buttons -my grandson is K.  My daughter and grandson are on a plane now as we speak coming home.  She said the pilots at Frontier airline let him sit in the cockpit while everyone was boarding :)  He is a busy boy. When he is good he is so sweet but when he's not ooohhhh boy!

1:53 PM

mas

slo I think you need to set some boundaries and be more firm with him this time. Swan, Morwenna, would you not agree?

1:53 PM

buttons

slo hehehe, yup, they can be super sweet and super crazy all at the same time too! How cool to see the cockpit!!! That'll be something he can share when the holidays are over

1:53 PM

Swan

Morwenna - He headed south some - Kindu, Democratic Republic of Congo

1:54 PM

buttons

ALL... I have the tree up with lights on but NO ornaments as of yet, this year no one seems to want to put them up.... I am emotionally exhausted and that is making me more physically exhausted than I want to be... ugh...

1:54 PM

Morwenna

mas @:50 No, OW has only allowed my Brother to see his D3 for one hour a fortnight at her parents' house. Only recently has he been able to take her home, but he still only has her for 2 hours including traveling time. Tomorrow will be the first day brother has had her for more than 2 hours. Mum myself and my sister have been unable to see N3 as my brother lives in a different county to us. It is wicked the way OW has been with my brother. He didn't even know his D3 had been born until the day after and he was not allowed to see her for several days after that. He had such a massive stress attack he was taken to hospital with suspected heart attack - That's the pressure OW exerts on my brother

1:55 PM

Swan

mas & slo - I do agree, boundaries are normally a good thing, when done correctly

1:55 PM

slo

mas - I’m more tired now than anything.  This is the second time he filed for D.  I really don't even cry anymore.  I am ready for something different in my life.  This is way too much drama for me.  I told h one time I am too calm and  normal for him and that is why he keeps going back

1:55 PM

buttons

morwenna (((hugs for you and your brother)))) I hope tomorrow is wonderful for both of you

1:56 PM

mas

buttons I put up decorations around my whole house but don't have a tree. I miss having one, but the good thing is I don't have to worry about taking it down.

1:56 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:51 I am glad you know that despite the heart ache

1:56 PM

buttons

HI dumbfounded, I saw you had been in but vanished, how are you doing?

1:57 PM

slo

Swan - I could use some help on ideas for boundaries. I tend to go the route of least resistance.  I know it in my head but I just can't seem to follow through. Can you give me some suggestions on how or what to say?

1:57 PM

Morwenna

mas @:53 Yes, that's what I meant mas. That when they want to head home, that we need to ask what will be different this time and that counseling etc may be a good place to start

1:57 PM

dumbfounded2

to all - Hi everyone.  Hope you all are reminding yourselves of all your blessings even if your significant other is not around.  I do have a question.  What emotion or feeling keeps a spouse away from wife and family during holidays?  Even when H has recently reconnected and says he still loves me and has brought gifts by as early as 2 days ago.  I invited him to spend day with us and have dinner with our families (his and mine) He said he didn’t think they would understand and that he and I barely understand (think this is a good sign) What do yall think?

1:57 PM

buttons

mas I would have had to work harder to get out decorations for the rest of the house, the tree stuff was easier to get out... D and I put up lights earlier in the week

1:57 PM

mas

Morwenna That is so awful!! I'm really sorry!! ((HUGS)) How long will he be able to have her this time? Was this something that the courts have dictated?

1:58 PM

Morwenna

Swan @:53 stop it - I am getting TOO excited now! lol

1:58 PM

slo

Swan - Could you give me some suggestions? I tend to go on the path of least resistance.  I know I should but can't seem to follow through.  What kind of things to say and do.  Suggestions?

1:59 PM

buttons

morwenna sometimes I am super tired, stressed from events with H but need to remind myself that if I am not calm and open to what is happening in the room then I will go crazy and SO will the kids :)

1:59 PM

dumbfounded2

buttons  Sorry, had a cake in oven and stopped to play around of a wii game with boys

1:59 PM

mas

slo Maybe it's HE who likes the drama and excitement of it all.

1:59 PM

Morwenna

mas @:58 He has her for 9 hours. No this is all down to the OW. If she can't manipulate my brother she stops him seeing kids. He's applied to court for proper visitation arrangements to be put in place

2:00 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 they are so many emotions going through their heads at the moment and I think the holidays are a time when they want to be more careful about the messages they send, by being present it might mean more than just bringing by presents would mean

2:00 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:56 Bless you and thank you!

2:00 PM

slo

mas - That's what I meant.  I am too normal and calm for him.

2:00 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 no problem just hoped things were alright

2:01 PM

mas

Morwenna Why haven't the courts come through?

2:02 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:59 We can do that, but they couldn't

2:02 PM

mas

Morwenna It seems that legally, she has no right to do what she's doing.

2:02 PM

Morwenna

mas @:01 It's all so slow- the legal process

2:03 PM

buttons

slo there are many here who have had D filed more than once and something happens and it stops... NONE of this is easy and it is a rough, emotional ride for us, we need to find something that provides us with balance and brings us back to equilibrium quickly... God is one of those things but what else helps you?

2:03 PM

dumbfounded2

buttons   what do you mean being present might mean more than just bring presents.  He recently told me that loves me and has begun flirting again.  I had told him in the spring not to approach me with any type feelings/actions that were not true in his heart.  This is the first time he has reached out and maybe he is scared it is going too fast.  I was stunned when he leaned in and kissed my lips after reading a note he had written for my bday 2 years ago.  I have kept that card since the day he gave it to me as a bookmark (I love books).  He came by and pulled card and read it line by line to me, then kissed me and left.  What a whirlwind of emotions that put me through!  Anyway, I am sure I am asking impossible questions, just probably wanting too much too quickly

2:04 PM

buttons

morwenna you are right, kids don't self-regulate the same way adults do, well most adults--- those in mlc don't do it well either

2:05 PM

Morwenna

mas @:02 She knows that but she doesn't care. She uses the kids for her own ends. She keeps sending N6 with panties and jeans that are way too small for her I suppose hoping my brother will buy more even though he gives her a good maintenance for his D. N6 keeps getting cystitis which I believe is linked to her having too tight undies on. What sort of woman does that to her D?

2:05 PM

slo

buttons - I wish I knew.  I feel like this time around I need to find MY life.  I just work soo much and babysit there really isn’t time to do things and I don't like doing things by myself. I have always done things with H. It will be 30 years February 13th.

2:06 PM

mas

slo How many children do you have?

2:06 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 that's what I meant, maybe there's a sense of moving too fast, or being present the day of the holiday might be too much of a commitment right now, they do get scared and do back away... my H swings back and forth and I still don't know if we are or aren't reconnecting...

2:07 PM

Morwenna

All, sorry my brother's computer keeps sticking on some keys and is slow in posting replies. I keep missing what is happening in chat whilst I correct it

2:08 PM

dumbfounded2

buttons Good to hear even if I KNOW THIS!  How long has your H been going thru MLC?  Sometimes, I feel like labeling this turmoil MLC is a cop out, but I also if this isn't MLC, my H has been abducted and replaced by an ALIEN!

2:08 PM

buttons

slo I too work quite a bit and feel like all I do is eat, sleep and work but finding small things that you enjoy is important to--- read a magazine (I know I'm too tired for a book right now), have a bath--- nearly two years ago I went WAY out of my comfort zone and took a burlesque dance class it was super fun, also did water aerobics for quite a while

2:08 PM

slo

mas - 3 adults. D1 is 29 and has my 5 year old grandson that I was in the delivery room with.  Son who just got married. We all went out to CA for that. and D2 who is 21.  She still lives at home.  My son also has my granddaughter age 6.  H and her had a blast last week while we visited.  We spent the day with her and really enjoyed it

2:08 PM

Swan

slo - There isn't a science to what to say or not say it depends on each different circumstance.  I would recommend reading or listening to Boundaries in Marriage or Boundaries, When to Say Yes, When to Say No by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.  Other than that, I would recommend determining what YOUR boundaries are (boundaries are about your limits and what you allow, not getting someone else to do it your way).  Once you know what those things are that you simply cannot tolerate, you need to establish how much you can and will tolerate when others violate your boundaries.  And then what the consequences of that is.  You clearly and calmly state the violation to the boundary and the consequences to the other person and (here is the part most people fail at) you follow through and do what you said will be the consequence when and if they violate the boundary.

2:08 PM

Morwenna

dumbfounded2 @:08 Yup, there are LOTS of aliens out there! :o

2:10 PM

dumbfounded2

Morwenna   Maybe we could host a convention and just see what shows up, but we would have to come up with an appealing name, not Men in Midlife Crisis (they would run the other way)!

2:10 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:08 Burlesque dancing? You go girl! ;)

2:11 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 :) hehehe... I see the teen years returning only now it feels crazy... I find that mlc is-- no matter what you want to call it is really an emotional break down and Yup aliens appear--- a short in the brain... it's been just over two years (Oct) now, H has been in house 95% (about) of the time because he returns injured... second time it sounded like he really wanted to work on things but there is still tons going on in his brain

2:11 PM

Morwenna

Swan @:08 The best thing I learned from the Boundaries book is that I am not responsible for the happiness of others.

2:11 PM

buttons

morwenna it was super fun and helped build my confidence big time! thought about doing more but the cash thing keeps that from happening... hehehe... the instructor did it in shows and she was mature so that really helped!

2:11 PM

mas

slo It sounds like you have a very nice family. How fortunate for you that your D still lives at home. How have they reacted to everything that's going on?

2:12 PM

Swan

slo - Example, my husband used to call me in the middle of the night, cursing, saying horrible things, making threats, etc.  One night I told him I deserved to be treated with respect, therefore, I was asking him to speak to me in a respectful manner or I was going to hang up and would not answer any calls from him until he could be respectful.  He said, ok, but within a couple minutes was back to violating my boundary.  I once again stated that his actions were not acceptable; therefore, I was hanging up and requested he not call again that night.  I hung up and he called back, I didn't answer.  At one point he called our son's phone and asked him to put me on the phone, my son told him no, if I wasn't answering his calls there was a reason and he would bet that my husband was aware and had been warned, refused to listen and was now dealing with the consequences to his own choice.  It was a few days later before I talked to my husband and it took a few times of doing this, however, from then on, my husband will not even raise his voice and if he does or curses, he immediately apologizes and asks me not to hang up, he won't do it again.  He makes himself aware of his tone and words when he talks to me, I am told he talks to pretty much everyone else however, nasty he wants to.  The bottom-line, he has a choice talk with respect or don't talk at all.

2:14 PM

Morwenna

buttons @:11 I have read of classes which combine burlesque with life drawing! Makes you wonder what those classes are like! lol

2:15 PM

buttons

morwenna that would be WAYYYYYY out of my comfort zone :)   That does sound intriguing though...

2:15 PM

dumbfounded2

buttons   Sorry.  Sometimes, I am thankful my H is not in home (left Feb '11).  I don’t think I would have been able to work on myself and find understanding with him in home.  The teen thing has recently surfaced (Ex.  He wanted to see me last week and came to my exercise class.  I went out to talk with him and it was raining, so I got in truck with him.  He said we were going to ride and the next thing I hear is "Gosh awful rap music" and he was grinning and smiling with a beer and asking me did I want one?  This man has listed to country music his entire life and barely drank a beer until Aug 2010 (melt down)!  Geezz!  I just smiled and said, "No thanks!  I am good! but I would like a diet coke because I am hot from my long work out!  He actually bought me one and put the straw in and everything!  Miracle for the woman who wrecked his life a few months ago!

2:15 PM

Swan

Morwenna - No you are not and they are not responsible for your happiness either.

2:16 PM

Swan

All Chat is going to close, please come back and join us at 6 pm PST for a special chat.

2:16 PM

Morwenna

All, I need to go now. I wish you all a wonderful Christmas. Please come to chat tomorrow

2:17 PM

mas

Morwenna Have a great Christmas with your family!

1:57 PM

dumbfounded2

To all - Hi everyone.  Hope you all are reminding yourselves of all your blessings even if your significant other is not around.  I do have a question.  What emotion or feeling keeps a spouse away from wife and family during holidays?  Even when H has recently reconnected and says he still loves me and has brought gifts by as early as 2 days ago.  I invited him to spend day with us and have dinner with our families (his and mine) He said he didn’t think they would understand and that he and I barely understand (think this is a good sign) What do yall think?

2:00 PM

buttons

dumbfounded2 they are so many emotions going through their heads at the moment and I think the holidays are a time when they want to be more careful about the messages they send, by being present it might mean more than just bringing by presents would mean

 

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud