Midlife Dimensions

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Christmas Day / Extended Session - 12/25/11

6:46 PM

Chapman

Dani  Do you think it was good that I didn't initiate any communication with my H today?  It is always hard to know just what to do. The person that I am would like to wish him a Merry Christmas, but I don't want to push him further away so I decided to do nothing today.

6:48 PM

dani

Chapman, it is hard to know what is going on in their mind when they do not contact us.  I do know that with my h he desperately needed me to remind him that we were thinking of him, missing him, loving him.  It is always a risk to be hurt when we reach out in any way, but we do it with prayer and our eyes wide open that they may not respond.  We just reach out as God reached out to us.  Jim always says to keep it light, funny is good, not romantic, not mushy. Pray about this.

 

 

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December 25, 2011 / Sunday 5-8 pm PST / Christmas Day Special

5:04 PM

Joey

Mary CHRISTmas everyone!!!! Hope you were able to feel God's presence today as we celebrate the birth of the Savior we worship as Lord!!!

5:05 PM

Hannah

Hi Joey, merry Christmas to you too. 

5:05 PM

Joey

Hi Hannah!!!! How was your day?

5:06 PM

Hannah

It was a great day. Brunch at my son's mil, then home for a few hours before my son and his family came over to open presents.  My d arrived home Friday so we were altogether.  How was yours?

5:07 PM

Hannah

Saw my h at my son's on Friday but he really didn't speak to me - don't know why, sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't.  OW is not allowed at my son’s home so he visits alone.

5:09 PM

Joey

No one was on the prayer line I kept it open for 17 minutes and thought chat was already open so I closed prayer line to get on here but it didn't open till 8.

5:10 PM

Hannah

I figured nobody would go on the prayer line in fact I didn't think of it at the time as it still doesn't seem like Sunday to me.

5:11 PM

Hannah

My children never ask their father what he is doing over the holidays either.

5:12 PM

Joey

Sometimes it better not knowing it makes it hurt more.  I figured more people would be on chat by now too.

5:15 PM

Hannah

I also thought there would be more people on here

5:20 PM

Hannah

Hi dumbfounded2 welcome, how has your day been?

5:20 PM

Joey

Hi dumbfounded, how are you tonight?

5:23 PM

dumbfounded2

Hannah Thanks for asking.  Day has been nice...presents, nice lunch, nap, games with boys

5:24 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 that sounds like a nice day indeed! glad it was really good for you!

5:27 PM

Hannah

dumbfounded glad you could have a nice day.

5:29 PM

dani

Hi, Merry Christmas everyone!

5:30 PM

Joey

Hi Dani!!!!

5:30 PM

dumbfounded2

joey  Thanks.  It was good, just a little sad now.  I sent a Merry Christmas text to H and he responded 2 hours later with the same and sent his "bunches of luv" to me and boys.  Just disappointed as my oldest tried to call him last night (kind of late), but didn’t leave him msg.  he wanted to invite H for dinner 2day and to join both boys flying hobby helicopters.  Anyway, I hoped H would be excited to hear from boys (been almost 9 months since seeing oldest until last Tuesday.  H came over and they hugged for a long time and just talked about lighthearted stuff.  I try to remember H is hypersensitive to almost everything.  Maybe he thought son was calling to fuss

5:31 PM

dani

Hi dumbfounded. I don't think I've chatted with you before...good to see you!

5:31 PM

Hannah

hi dani, nice to see you.  Hope you had a great day with your h and girls

5:33 PM

dumbfounded2

dani   Hello.  Yes, I am new to chat, but been trying to weather my H's MLC for about 16 months now.  I am glad the chat room is here.  Holidays seem to be stressful anytime, but this year H is not in home and our family seems like it is missing a puzzle piece.

5:33 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 that’s a good reminder to yourself. Dani could give you some good pointers to use with the kids concerning their dad.

5:34 PM

dani

Hi Hannah and Joey, we had a very good day, but the girls and my son in law will not be here until next week ....affectionately referred to as "Christmas-B".  It was just my h and I and we spent dinner with friends. 

5:35 PM

Joey

dani you can just call it an extended holiday!  :)

5:35 PM

dani

dumbfounded - I am so sorry to hear about your situation but you are amongst a wonderful group of supporters here and I hope you can find wisdom and support to "weather" this challenge.

5:39 PM

dumbfounded2

dani   Joey said you may have some tips on how to deal with my boys and the situation with their father.  My oldest son is 20 and seems to be having the most difficulty with my stance.  He is naturally protective of my feelings and we have been very close.  He left for college and the 2nd semester he was gone is when "the bomb was dropped".  I was blind sighted, but my son seems to be still reeling from the blow to our family unit.  He says over and over how he never expected to have to deal with this kind of thing.  Thought his dad was a stand up guy who met his obligations.  I try to explain to son that this has nothing to do with his obligations or even me, him or other son.  This is a journey his father must make ALONE and we are just casualties of the poor way H has chosen to handle his emotions.  Am I on the right track.  I try to remember I am talking to a young man that has strong opinions on what he feels is right and wrong.  Didn’t we all at that age?

5:40 PM

Hannah

dumbfounded the bomb dropped on my son's first semester at college and my daughter beginning her junior year at school

5:41 PM

dani

dumbfounded...I know it is really hard to try and be a "normal family" through the holiday and it is just so awkward and painful and there is so much longing during the day.  It's so difficult to be "faking" the smiles while my heart was splitting, trying to laugh while I cried around the corner....it's a struggle ....one that prayer and God's grace gets us through. 

5:43 PM

dumbfounded2

Joey - Sometimes, I have found that the hardest thing to do is to keep on "doing the things you always have but remaining lovingly detached while doing them.  For example, last week I had a big crock pot of soup left over from a luncheon we had at work.  On the way home, something told me to give it to H but this was going out of my way and it was raining.  Anyway, I guess God had a plan.  I drove past my exit and before I knew it I was loading H's truck (in the rain) with soup and a bunch of Christmas goodies from work.  Later that night, I got a call from H and he was happy "Santa" had visited with good food.  He also wanted to see me and came to my exercise class.  I believe that would have never happened if I hadn't reached out first.  BUT remember to do it with NO EXPECTATION.  If you can't, don't do it.

5:46 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 that’s true. I sent an e-mail at thanksgiving with a recipe I thought he'd like and said Happy Thanksgiving and got nothing. That’s why I was surprised he replied to this one.

5:47 PM

dumbfounded2

Joey   How long has your journey been?

5:48 PM

dani

dumbfounded, it sounds to me like your attitude with your son is right on target.  My 2 girls were high school age when this happened and my older one went off to college while her dad was still gone.  My younger one, especially. had a lot of anger.  My older one suppressed her anger more...good or bad?....I don't know.  I do know that we have to let them feel what they feel and respect that.  In turn, we can expect their respect also.  I handled holidays much the way you seem to have described. 

5:49 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 it’s been a long one, I don't focus on time anymore just trusting God's timing. don't want to discourage new people with the time factor.

5:50 PM

dani

Joey,  that is nice that you were able to have the day with your family. 

5:51 PM

dani

Hannah, did you have fun with your grandbabies ???  I'll bet the holidays are something else with those little ones around!

5:52 PM

Hannah

dani they are something else, they make Christmas what it should be about - family.

5:52 PM

Joey

dani my dad surprised me by having my mustang back from the garage and I got to test drive it before giving it back to him to continue restoring it. I've had it since 1984, when I was a Sr. in HS. had a really good visit with old friends of "ours" without H's name coming up and making it awkward.

5:52 PM

dumbfounded2

Joey - I have had the same experience with what I perceive as rejection and sometimes it is very difficult to remain focused on the big picture.  I do know we can NOT let their emotional state rule how we behave.  Consistency is very important.  I will not REACT to his poor manners, stubbornness, and rebellioness.  I only smile and say great to see you.  You look great.  Hope work is going well and can I do anything for you?  Of course, it took almost 3 months after he left to even speak and then he wanted a divorce.  I told him to get everything legally taken care of and he could have it.  Haven't heard the D work since last March. He still provides financially for our family and has recently begun asking how each of us are doing.  He even flirts with me a little bit and comments that he may be in MLC.  I do not respond but ask if I can help let me know.

5:53 PM

dani

Joey    God is using you!  Wow!!  The mustang sounds funnnnn!!!!

5:55 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 that’s amazing he even says that. my H was told by a dr. he was in an MLC.

5:55 PM

dani

dumbfounded2 it sounds like you have either studied a lot about how to react to MLC or God is giving you some real leading on how to react to the confusion that MLC causes.

5:57 PM

Hannah

dumbfounded have you read any of Jim's books?

5:57 PM

Joey

dani my uncle was working on my mustang when he had a heart attack and died yrs ago. I drove it some then parked it. when dad semi retired he needed a project and asked if the car could be it. I said yes and the rest will be history.

5:58 PM

dani

Joey, so your mustang is going to have love put into it from several people in your family!  How sweet. 

5:58 PM

Hannah

Hi swan

5:58 PM

Swan

Hello everyone, how are you tonight?  We just got back to my sister's, nice to see all of you.

5:58 PM

dani

Hi Swan!  Merry Christmas!  How is your day going?

5:58 PM

Hannah

Swan so glad you spent today with your sister

5:59 PM

Joey

dani including my H, things he put on/in it were put back as well :)

5:59 PM

Joey

Hi Swan!!!!

5:59 PM

dumbfounded2

joey  That is crazy.  My H went to Dr in Aug 2010 and asked for help because he had been experiencing lack of sexual drive.  Dr. told him he was way too young to be in MLC and gave him Viagra (which H says did not help at all).  H is 43 yrs old. This just confused H more and he is not interested in seeing any dr.  He just thinks he is broken and a failure, but hopefully he is working through some things.  H is basically a very moral, hard working, faithful man who values his family.  He was hurt deeply by being rejected for promotion at work and this seems to have pulled a rug from underneath him to the point he is in an emotional turmoil and wanted to blame everyone but himself.  He has recently stated that he never stopped loving me and knows that he blamed me for things he was angry with himself for.

6:00 PM

brin

Merry Christmas everyone!

6:00 PM

Hannah

Hi brin, merry Christmas

6:01 PM

Swan

dani - Going well, I am up visiting with my brother, sister and her family, we had a nice Christmas.

6:02 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :59, Your H at least knows he's being unfair to you.

6:02 PM

dumbfounded2

dani and Hannah     I actually began this journey crying on my MIL's shoulder.  She has a deep faith and she called me every morning with a new scripture.  I began faithfully setting aside time with my Bible.  Once I was a little stronger, I started reading on this nightmare called MLC and have read everything I can get my hands on including Jim Conway's books. Jed Diamond also has a great one called "Irritable Male Syndrome".

6:03 PM

dani

Hi Brin!  I read about your "celebration trip"!  Congratulations and I will keep you in my prayers for preparation.

6:03 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 that’s pretty amazing for being early into mlc. Keep up your good work for yourself, your kids then H!!!!

6:03 PM

Joey

Hi brin!!!!

6:04 PM

brin

dani :03, Thank you dani! Much appreciated. It will actually be 11 years by the time I do it.

6:05 PM

dani

dumbfounded2...I have never heard of Irritable Male Syndrome!!!!  I love the title!!!  I'm going to have to look that one up.  The fact that you wrote your husband thought he was broken and a failure sounds so similar to feelings my h expressed and still struggles with.  What a wonderful support to have a mil like that.

6:05 PM

dani

Hannah,  did you have snow today?  Its 18 here...finally feels like winter!

6:06 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :03, What a nice MIL you have!

6:06 PM

Joey

Dani, I was thinking the same thing. my MIL side with the AW's.

6:06 PM

brin

Hi faithful, Merry Christmas. How was your day?

6:06 PM

Joey

 Hi faithful!!!

6:06 PM

dumbfounded2

dani  God has helped me stay grounded and trust all will turn out as it should, but my H and I have always been very close friends and I feel that he thinks he has let me down by not "moving up the ladder" in his work.  We have spent a lot of time talking and planning for his future at work because it always seemed to be so important to him.  Somehow, he translated that to it was VERY important to me.  I think that is what he is working through.  I have never cared what he did.  We had zero income when we met in school and have worked hard to get where we are now, but $ has never been a major deal to me, but I think a man sees the job as a part of him somehow.

6:06 PM

dani

Hi faithful, good to have you here!

6:07 PM

faithful

all hello and Merry Christmas.

6:08 PM

brin

Joey :06, Same here!

6:08 PM

faithful

My Christmas Eve was good.  H came about one on Christmas eve and stayed until after midnight when the kiddos open their presents.  He was going to come over today for Christmas dinner but we got some unexpected snow so he could not come.

6:09 PM

Hannah

hi faithful nice to see you here.

6:09 PM

Hannah

Dani we didn't have snow today but we have a layer of snow left from yesterday.

6:09 PM

faithful

Hannah I have been busy, picked up some extra shifts at work so that kept me busy.

6:09 PM

dani

dumbfounded2  - I remember once that Jim said that 75% of a man's worth is wrapped up in his job.  Also, in MLC seems they mis-interpret a lot of things in the relationship, and their memory of life with us seems to be colored by the confusion they are in...not to mention the lies of the enemy!

6:09 PM

Hannah

dumbfounded is your mil still supportive of you?

6:09 PM

brin

faithful :09, Still no snow here. There was some light snow last week. Not even very cold here.

6:10 PM

faithful

brin we were not expecting it, it was a nice surprise.

6:10 PM

Joey

all, the birds have been singing here this week like its spring!

6:11 PM

brin

dani :10, dumbfounded2 - this is so true. The enemy's lies played a big part in my H. Especially because he delved in spiritual things that he should not have.

6:11 PM

dani

faithful,  I'm glad you had a good Christmas eve and the kids were able to share the evening with him.....and you weren't expecting it?!?!  What a wonderful surprise

6:12 PM

dani

Joey...those are OUR birds....they're singing because they got out of here and went south!!!  ;)

6:12 PM

Hannah

brin it is very cold here.

6:12 PM

Joey

dani - lol!!!!

6:12 PM

dumbfounded2

Hannah  Yes, my MIL and FIL have never wavered in their support.  They also want to support their son, but he is not as receptive because of the emotions (mostly guilt we assume) associated with this situation.  They continue to say that they know their son knows where he belongs and the Lord is working on him.  I do believe that, but it is hard.  I know he has turned to beer to help him cope and that worries me.  So far no OW or outrageous spending or behavior.  He pretty much keeps to himself in a small rented room and rides and rides and rides in his truck.  He has told no one and seems tired most of the time.  I don’t think he sleeps well.  He didn’t before he left home.

6:13 PM

brin

All, A good friend and her H invited me over Christmas Eve. Even though I could only be there for about an hour, I still had a good time. It moved my heart that they invited me in the midst of getting ready for Christmas.

6:13 PM

Hannah

dumfounded Jim's books will help you a lot in understanding what is going on

6:13 PM

brin

Hannah :13, Wow! I am surprised it's not so cold here then.

6:14 PM

faithful

dani for the youngest it was nice but the older ones have  a harder time with their father coming and going like nothing.  He even went to Christmas eve service with us.

6:15 PM

dani

Brin, I'm glad to hear you had a nice time Christmas eve with your friend.  Good friends are a Blessing.

6:15 PM

dumbfounded2

to all -   Send us some snow "deep south".  We always get an old wet (maybe icy) holiday season.  Gosh, my boys would freak out if we had even snow sprinkles.  They would want to go buy snow mobiles and sleds immediately.  One day I am going to take them north for the holidays.

6:15 PM

Joey

brin that’s always a nice feeling to have somewhere to go or be included.

6:15 PM

Joey

Hi koko!!!!

6:16 PM

dani

Faithful, yes, we were talking earlier with dumbfounded about how it is difficult for the older children to accept and understand our "stand"....not to mention dealing with their emotions and their  knowledge of what is right and wrong in terms of what their dads are doing.

6:16 PM

dumbfounded2

Hannah   I have read "Men in Midlife" and "Your Husband's Mid life crisis".  Are there others?

6:17 PM

koko

hi all

6:17 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :13, I agree with Hannah. I found "Your Husband's Midlife Crisis" by Sally Conway (Jim's 1st wife) very helpful. It makes helpful suggestions for the spouse and children to support the MLCer, and what changes can be made by the spouse supporting the MLCer.

6:17 PM

dani

Hi koko and Bluesky!

6:18 PM

brin

dani :15, Yes good friends are a blessing and they have always meant more to me than my own family (due to my family's dysfunction).

6:18 PM

brin

Hi koko. Merry Christmas.

6:18 PM

Joey

hi bluesky, didn't see you come in!!!!

6:18 PM

brin

Hi Bluesky. Didn't see you coming in. Merry Christmas.

6:18 PM

Swan

dani - So true, my two just do not understand or accept, they want me to give up on their dad and find someone who will be good to me.  My daughter who is very vocal, I had to set boundaries with and make the topic off limits. 

6:19 PM

koko

all Merry Christmas

6:19 PM

Hannah

hi koko, merry Christmas to you too

6:19 PM

dumbfounded2

brin  Yes, this book is helpful.  The biggest thing we have to do though is to put aside our feeling of "Why should I change?" attitude.  I struggle with that some days.  Mostly when I am too tired, too lonely or too hungry.  These are 3 things I stay on top of.  My diet has been lousy since this began but has resulted in huge weight loss (needed that) but when I don’t take care of myself, my emotions take over and result in "pity parties"..

6:19 PM

Swan

Hey koko and bluesky - welcome, how are you doing tonight?

6:19 PM

Hannah

hi bluesky I missed you coming in too

6:19 PM

Bluesky

Hi all, I was just checking in to see if you needed help. I am impressed with all of you are here.

6:20 PM

brin

Joey :16, Yes it is. Today, I stayed home even though I did get 2 last minute offers. I decided to just stay home as yesterday was hectic, helping out at church. Needed some breathing space today. :)

6:20 PM

Joey

dumbfounded2 you just said a mouthful of truth at 9:19!!!

6:21 PM

Bluesky

Joey that’s okay, How are you?

6:21 PM

koko

Swan had a good Christmas, W in good mood last few weeks , good communication, and laughing together

6:21 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :20, Yes, before my H left, I didn't think I needed change. Only after he left did I see my part in the marriage breakdown.

6:22 PM

brin

Plumcrazy - Merry Christmas.

6:23 PM

plumcrazy

brin Merry Christmas Was just reading back

6:23 PM

dani

Swan, Are they getting used to your decision and learning to respect how you have decided to handle it, or has time not really changed their attitude?...yet?

6:23 PM

dani

Hi Plumcrazy!  How are you tonight?

6:23 PM

dani

koko....good news!  Good to hear that!

6:23 PM

Joey

brin Bluesky  had a good day - a lot of unexpected company that actually was going to see mom but she was here so they stopped here. it’s been a LONG time since I had so much company. but I'm feeling tired now. went to see one family and took them their gift.

6:24 PM

Joey

Hi Plum and dig!!!!

6:24 PM

Swan

dani - They did get used to it as far as not trying to fix me up, tell me what I need to do, etc.  But they are still not exactly in favor of my choice, but they have commented that they respect me, so they will keep their thoughts to themselves.

6:24 PM

dumbfounded2

brin  - Change is funny.  When it starts, I wasn't even aware that I was changing, just trying to survive, but then I started thinking about what I was doing and how I was showing my children how I handle stress.  Above all, I wanted them to know people can survive anything with the right attitude.  Even when it is something you never expected or wanted, things will be OK.  And I needed to be stronger and healthier for them and myself.  Now, I know I will never be the same, but I will be better!

6:24 PM

koko

Dani, seems like a step forward hopefully it cont.

6:24 PM

dani

Joey....it sounds like you had a revolving door today!  I love that....tiring though!

6:24 PM

digforhelp

Merry Christmas everyone

6:25 PM

Bluesky

Joey that’s great to hear. I had a good day with my daughter too. She spoiled me and I spoiled her. She did talk to her dad but says it is very difficult.

6:25 PM

dani

Hi digforhelp, how was your day today?

6:25 PM

koko

digforhelp Merry Christmas to you

6:25 PM

plumcrazy

dani I am doing good. Had a nice Christmas. H gave me a gift certificate for $50 before Christmas. I got 2 pairs of earrings. Today when I showed him he said "I am glad you got something you liked" Talk about being surprised! PTL!!!

6:25 PM

brin

dani - Saw my H a week ago. He came to pick up his S after S spent the night and day with me. When H showed up, he just stood at the door, and "barked" some orders - like I need to do such and such. He also said "Take care" twice.  didn't respond to this as I didn't know what to say back, and I didn't see where I could fit "Merry Christmas". Even though I had wanted to wish him Merry Christmas.

6:26 PM

dani

Plumcrazy...that is so sweet!

6:26 PM

brin

Joey :24, Nice! I know - company can be tiring for me too. I always need to unwind after spending time with others.

6:26 PM

Joey

dani I had family that had never been here before and met people for the other side of the married family today. friended 1 of them on FB. had them check out my laptop while they were here and said it was good. it was a really good day considering I wasn't looking forward to it. God is good!

6:26 PM

dani

brin....wow, sounds like he is an unhappy man again!

6:26 PM

brin

Hi digforhelp. Merry Christmas

6:27 PM

digforhelp

hello dani I had a very good day. my wife came over this afternoon. she had cooked us dinner and brought me a Christmas gift!! gave me a nice kiss. and then took me to her mother’s for Evening Christmas dinner with her family. I was happily surprised.

6:27 PM

plumcrazy

dani H cooked dinner today. So I rested. I just found out in the middle of the week that all the back pain I have had is being caused by 2 bulging discs. Chiropractor doing traction for next 5 weeks then if no change back surgery

6:27 PM

dani

Joey, glad to hear God blessed you today.

6:27 PM

digforhelp

Merry Christmas koko and brin

6:28 PM

faithful

plum I am so sorry and hopefully the chiropractor will work so you do not have to have surgery.

6:28 PM

plumcrazy

koko & digforhelp PTL!!!! So happy to hear this!

6:28 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :25, Sounds like you are doing a good job making changes. I have been making good changes since the day H moved out. Unfortunately, they didn't help our marriage. Fortunately, the changes are good for me.

6:28 PM

dani

digforhelp....that sound like a wonderful day considering the challenges you have been facing.  That is quite a blessing!

6:29 PM

digforhelp

Merry Christmas Joey

6:29 PM

Joey

digforhelp Merry Christmas buddy!!!

6:29 PM

plumcrazy

faithful well one disc is completely out from between the vertebrae and it is pushing on the nerves

6:29 PM

digforhelp

dani - it was a wonderful blessing!!

6:29 PM

dani

plumcrazy,  oooh, sorry to hear about the back.  I know that can cause extreme pain.  I am glad to hear that your h is caring for YOU now! 

6:29 PM

Bluesky

plumcrazy I hope you also avoid surgery. Five weeks isn't really that long. I have been treating mine for a year with the chiro.

6:30 PM

Bluesky

brin  I was so happy to hear your headaches are gone.

6:30 PM

koko

plum been through disc thing 2yrs of walking and chiropractor feeling much better now ,no surgery but a long painful healing just like MLC

6:30 PM

brin

plumcrazy :29, So sorry to hear this. Must be painful for you.

6:30 PM

plumcrazy

Bluesky Are you doing traction? Has it decreased the pain. The 1st time I had it helped a lot  2nd I had some pain

6:31 PM

brin

Bluesky :30, Thanks Blue. Me too. Now I am focusing on getting fit for my trip. :) with God's help!

6:31 PM

Joey

brin AMEN changes have to and NEED to be for God, us then spouse!

6:31 PM

Bluesky

plumcrazy I have done it in the past, and it helped, but what helps the most is exercise really.

6:31 PM

koko

All watching a movie with W and D10, so I am going to put computer away and enjoy family time goodnight

6:31 PM

faithful

digforhelp that was a nice surprise.  They sure go back and forth.  My h was also here all day on Christmas eve and stayed till after midnight when the kids open their presents.  We also played a game of monopoly.  It was nice family time.

6:31 PM

faithful

koko you enjoy your family.

6:31 PM

Bluesky

brin and you are going to do it!!

6:31 PM

Swan

koko - Go enjoy your family, thanks for stopping in.

6:31 PM

dumbfounded2

brin   Hang in there.  It always hurts when they are reeling from emotion and the only way they deal is to "use anger".  It is a cover up.  They know they are hurting you, but seem unable to stop.  In time, if you do not react with tears or anger, it will stop. My H has almost completely stopped with the anger outbursts now.  He still withdraws into his "cave" and does not communicate, but I don't reach out to him anymore either.  I accidentally found out how important the contact I had been trying to make with home meant.  Not long ago, I dropped my phone and it wouldn’t work.  During the 3 days I was without a phone, he had text me each morning "good morning".  I got my phone working again and it showed where he had text.  Then he began calling from work #.  I am sure he thought his phone must not be working or she would have answered me.  Anyway, I answered his second call and he immediately started crying and saying that I must know he never stopped loving me.  This showed me how emotionally upset he is!

6:33 PM

brin

dani :27, I don't know what to make of it. He was here for about 5 min - just at the door. Handed me my mail, hinting that my mailbox was full. Then told me to turn off my outside faucets, etc. and tried to hand me some stuff I had left outside for a while. I sometimes think that he's regretting the D and marrying AW/OW.

6:33 PM

brin

Joey :31, Amen!

6:34 PM

brin

Bluesky :32, Way to go! :)

6:35 PM

dumbfounded2

brin  Once your H experiences a "true awakening" to his real life, he will most likely try to reestablish a relationship of some type with you.  After all, this crisis was not really about you at all.

6:35 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :32, Sounds like he thought he lost you and he didn't want to lose you. How touching and how sweet!

6:35 PM

digforhelp

faithful - I sure this is the highpoint in the rollercoaster ride. and down into the valley she will go. But I'm praying for a breakthrough. but until that happens I'm trying to protect my heart and not get very hopeful of all this. I'm just going to trust Jesus. He's in control.

6:36 PM

Joey

Hi Chapman!!!!!

6:36 PM

dani

brin, The aw/ow are just a ban aide for the confusion, anger and unhappiness they are dealing with on the inside.  When they find out they have the same "insides" and yet they have given up someone who is loving them unconditionally .....they can be full of regrets.

6:37 PM

Chapman

Joey Hi!  Hi everyone.  Merry Christmas!

6:37 PM

digforhelp

dani - one thing I noticed today is that my wife refers to our home as THE HOUSE. no longer is it considered home to me. that troubled me. But still did spoil the day.

6:37 PM

faithful

digforhelp that is so true.  I am also doing better not getting my hopes up and just waiting on God.  Is just seems like it takes forever.  It has been a year since he has been coming around and here we are still, very slow process.

6:37 PM

dani

digforhelp....wise plan!

6:37 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :35, No, it's true - the crisis is his. I had mine many years ago. It's strange. Sometimes, I wonder if he'd send me an email. Maybe someday.

6:37 PM

dani

Chapman, Hi!  Merry Christmas, how are you tonight?

6:37 PM

faithful

digforhelp my h also starting referring to the house as your house and I really do not know how to respond to that.

6:37 PM

dumbfounded2

brin  This may be what he felt, but I have to remain calm and focused even though I want to jump around screaming to everyone who DOES NOT understand, "See I told you".  Anyway, he is slowly reconnecting, but I know to expect withdrawal again.

6:38 PM

digforhelp

faithful - me either. I want to say it's your house also. but I just stay quiet.

6:39 PM

brin

dani :37, I hope he realizes that I am loving him unconditionally, and that he still has the same insides. It took me a few hours to "get over" seeing him again this time.

6:40 PM

Bluesky

digforhelp they all say things like that as to not give you any hope or attachment. My h even called his place 'the condo" because we both owned it.

6:40 PM

faithful

digforhelp I do the same and stay quiet. 

6:41 PM

brin

Hi Chapman, Merry Christmas. How was your day?

6:41 PM

dumbfounded2

digforhelp, faithful  When my H says, he doesn’t have an oven or a washer or dryers, I softly remind him that he does and is welcome to use any of these things anytime he needs to.  It is guilt that keeps them away.  I think they are afraid they cannot deliver if they recommit to family during the MLC.  They try to be very careful in saying anything further to hurt anyone which results in them saying very little (or so it is with my H)

6:41 PM

Chapman

brin Merry Christmas and Merry Christmas to all of you!

6:42 PM

brin

digforhelp :38, Good move to keep quiet. Correcting her won't help.

6:42 PM

dumbfounded2

Chapman = Hi!  Hope you had a peaceful and good Christmas.

6:42 PM

dani

digforhelp...try not to over-think these things.  She is trying to put all of this together in her head, and she probably does not want to say the "inappropriate thing" to you.  The "house" is a safe term that does not state anything.  I also hung onto terms and phrases my h used....good or bad....and it caused me to lose my focus of what I was really working on and what is important.  I had to force myself to let those details go an trust God.

6:42 PM

digforhelp

merry Christmas Chapman

6:42 PM

Chapman

All  Last year, my H called to tell me Merry Christmas.  This year, no call or text.  I did not call him..........do you think that is wise?  Also, do you think he didn't call because he is so disconnected with me or guilt or both?

6:43 PM

dumbfounded2

faithful    When you write that he has been coming around?  How do you mean? 

6:43 PM

Chapman

dumbfounded2 digforhelp Hi and Merry Christmas!  Sure did miss my H today and just missed our family as  a whole unit. My h just doesn't get how this has changed things so much for the rest of us.

6:44 PM

brin

Chapman :43, It could have been guilt or just being self-centered or feeling disconnected.

6:44 PM

Chapman

brin Ok.  Thanks.  Probably all of the above

6:44 PM

digforhelp

dani - yeah you're right. I'm going to focus on making the "house" more inviting. do some cleaning and painting.

6:45 PM

plumcrazy

brin Where is Hannah? Says she is here but haven’t seen her talking

6:45 PM

brin

plumcrazy :45, She might be busy. I just got a group email from her.

6:46 PM

brin

plumcrazy - So what will you be doing about the disc issue?

6:46 PM

Chapman

Dani  Do you think it was good that I didn't initiate any communication with my H today?  It is always hard to know just what to do. The person that I am would like to wish him a Merry Christmas, but I don't want to push him further away so I decided to do nothing today.

6:46 PM

Chapman

dumbfounded2 Did you hear from your H today?

6:47 PM

dumbfounded2

Chapman   If I remember, you said your H is very work oriented.  My H is trying to work all the holiday time he can and as a result he can ignore the holidays.  Your H may be trying the same thing.  The problem is that everywhere they go, they take themselves with them!  You have to trust that he knows what HE is doing and he is probably wondering why you have not "called to give him a piece of your mind" about his behavior.  Just don't do that.  I would text him and tell him that I hoped he had a nice holiday and "try not to work too hard" .  Sometimes, we get scared to do anything and doing nothing just brings more "nothing" to us.  As long as nothing changes, nothing changes.  I only do things that are positive and are done from my heart regarding my H and you should do the same.  You can go to bed knowing that you extending good will.  Just do not expect anything in return.  Do this just like you would for a charity of any kind!  The MLC Sympathy Committee extends you a "holiday greeting"!

6:48 PM

Joey

plum, Hannah and I have been on since 8 so she may have stepped away for a bit.

6:48 PM

plumcrazy

brin going to the chiropractor and if the therapy and traction I have an excellent  orthopedic surgeon that I already see

6:48 PM

dani

Chapman, it is hard to know what is going on in their mind when they do not contact us.  I do know that with my h he desperately needed me to remind him that we were thinking of him, missing him, loving him.  It is always a risk to be hurt when we reach out in any way, but we do it with prayer and our eyes wide open that they may not respond.  We just reach out as God reached out to us.  Jim always says to keep it light, funny is good, not romantic, not mushy. Pray about this.

6:48 PM

plumcrazy

Joey saw a Conway truck FRI!

6:49 PM

Joey

plumcrazy :)

6:49 PM

faithful

plum how is your daughter doing?

6:49 PM

plumcrazy

faithful Doing better thanks

6:49 PM

brin

plumcrazy :48, I hope it goes well for you.

6:49 PM

dumbfounded2

Chapman  - you know I am kidding about the MLC charity things.  Gosh, my husband would probably serve me papers tonight if I sent something about MLC to him (I would be trying to tell him what is WRONG with him, instead of looking at all that is WRONG with me)!

6:49 PM

Bluesky

dumbfounded2 well I have never talked to that committee, I must give them my email. lol

6:50 PM

brin

Bluesky :50, he he he

6:50 PM

Chapman

dumbfounded2 dani Thanks!

6:50 PM

dumbfounded2

bluesky   We need to form this committee to help all MLC victims (sufferers, casualties)? Sorry, sometimes this stuff is so awful, I have to find humor in it.

6:51 PM

dani

dumbfounded  MLC Sympathy Committee....wouldn't it be nice to just sign anything we wanted to say with MLCSC....no strings attached!

6:51 PM

Swan

Bluesky - Are you sure you aren't president of the committee - LOL!!

6:51 PM

plumcrazy

dumbfounded2 That’s ok We all kid around sometimes Laughter  is the best medicine

6:51 PM

Bluesky

dumbfounded2 you have the right attitude.

6:51 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :51, I think MLD is helping the MLC victims.

6:51 PM

Chapman

All I better go for tonight!  Helping my S get things together before he leaves tomorrow.  Christmas blessings to all

6:51 PM

Chapman

dumbfounded2 I knew you were kidding!

6:52 PM

Bluesky

Swan never, you?

6:52 PM

Swan

Bluesky - I am not political material!!

6:52 PM

brin

All, I am laughing over here...

6:52 PM

Bluesky

Swan would this count as political?

6:53 PM

Swan

Bluesky - I'm too straight forward and would probably hurt someone's feelings.

6:53 PM

Bluesky

Swan me too, I can help with the techie side.

6:54 PM

dumbfounded2

Chapman -   Yes.  But I text him around nine am and told him "Merry Christmas from me and the boys".  Oldest tried to call him last night, but no answer.   About noon today, H text me and said "merry Christmas and bunches of love to all"  That is the extent of today's contact.  We did invite him to dinner and so did MIL but he would not commit to either invite.  How about you?  I read your post, I think you should go with your heart?  I always look at "what have I got to lose" angle.  Think he will serve papers for getting a Merry Christmas text?

6:55 PM

Hannah

Plum I did step away as I had a phone call

6:55 PM

Swan

Bluesky - Same here, I know I sometimes push the envelope even here, but it just who I am and honestly don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings, I just sometimes don't know how to PC.

6:55 PM

brin

Swan :55, What's PC?

6:55 PM

dumbfounded2

brin, bluesky  - I am full of it most days.  And can barely CEO my own kitchen.  Brin better start this organization.  In the past year, I have decided I will come up with ideas and someone else can implement them.

6:55 PM

Swan

brin - politically correct

6:56 PM

digforhelp

everyone have a good night.

6:56 PM

Hannah

digforhelp you too

6:56 PM

Bluesky

Swan you are the most tactful person I know here.

6:56 PM

plumcrazy

Hannah Hi Did you have a nice Christmas?

6:57 PM

brin

dumbfounded2 :56, Hey - I don't have enough hours in a day so how can I add another job to my plate. I am too straightforward and may end up hurting someone's feelings.

6:57 PM

Hannah

plum yes I did thanks, did you?

6:57 PM

dani

Swan.......we try to avoid being PC in our house!!!  Too much PC is just too much PC!!

6:57 PM

Bluesky

all, Merry Christmas, I have to go, it is time to watch Santa Clause with my kid.

6:57 PM

brin

dani :57, Agree. I don't care about being PC. I have been saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays.

6:58 PM

Swan

Bluesky - Boy do I have the wool pulled over your eyes and ears!!  The Marine in me says I am going to offend someone at sometime.

6:58 PM

Joey

Bluesky love that movie!!!

6:58 PM

plumcrazy

Hannah had a very nice one. H gave me a $50 gift card before Christmas. I got 2 prs of earrings and when I showed him them today he said "I am glad you got something you like"

6:58 PM

dumbfounded2

to all -  Good night, sleep tight!  Going to watch move with my "boys"!

6:58 PM

dani

Well Friends,  I'm signing out for now.  I hope you all have a Blessed Christmas night.  Good night!

6:59 PM

Swan

dani - Thanks for coming in to facilitate tonight.

6:59 PM

Hannah

Plum that is good that h is being nice.

6:59 PM

brin

dani, it was good to see you tonight.

6:59 PM

plumcrazy

Hannah how much longer is chat?

7:00 PM

Hannah

All I am signing out as I am feeling tired tonight.  Plum I think it will finish at 10pm.  Right Swan?

7:00 PM

plumcrazy

Faithful you still here?

7:00 PM

faithful

plum my h also got me a present. It was nothing big but it was better than nothing like in the past.

7:00 PM

plumcrazy

faithful What did you get?

7:01 PM

brin

plumcrazy :00, It's on until 8pm PST.

7:01 PM

Swan

Hannah - Night and thanks to you for coming in tonight, I really appreciate all you do for MLD.  Yes, 8 pm pacific, 10 pm your time

7:01 PM

plumcrazy

faithful That was nice though to be remembered wasn’t it?

7:01 PM

brin

Night Hannah. Good to see you

7:01 PM

plumcrazy

Hannah Goodnight and Merry Christmas

7:01 PM

plumcrazy

Merry that is

7:02 PM

brin

faithful :00, How nice to get something from your H.

7:02 PM

faithful

plum it was one of those sentry that makes the house smell good.  But at this point anything is better than nothing.

7:03 PM

plumcrazy

faithful that was a small but encouraging step I think

7:03 PM

Joey

faithful those are nice. I have 2 of them!!!

7:04 PM

faithful

plum is just he seems so far away from me like he wants nothing to do with me.  He always makes sure he is not sitting next to me.  At first I got hurt but now I am getting used to it.  It like being rejected over and over.  Not sure how much more I can take.

7:05 PM

plumcrazy

faithful Sorry he is being distant. Hang in there my friend!

7:05 PM

plumcrazy

faithful I know it is hard not to take it personally

7:05 PM

faithful

plum we do have a good time and we talk when he is around but he seems to want nothing to do with me.

7:05 PM

Swan

Hey Yoli, how are you tonight, hope you had a nice Christmas

7:05 PM

Joey

faithful just keep giving all this to God and let Him heal you. He's holding you close!!!

7:06 PM

brin

faithful :04, I got my H a birthday present and a Christmas present every year after he moved out until the D finalized. This year, I didn't get him anything. He might be wondering why and missing the presents.

7:06 PM

brin

Hey Yoli, Merry Christmas.

7:06 PM

faithful

Joey that is the only thing that keeps me going is my God. 

7:06 PM

yoli13

Hi Swan.  It was very quiet today.  Girls had to go to their father's house. It was mandatory.  How about you?

7:06 PM

yoli13

Hi brin, how are you?  Merry Christmas to you as well.

7:06 PM

plumcrazy

yoli13 Merry Christmas! What did you do today?

7:07 PM

yoli13

plumcrazy You really want to know?  I cleaned house.

7:07 PM

brin

yoli13 :07, I am good. Thankful to start feeling well again after more than 4 months.

7:07 PM

Joey

hi yoli!!!

7:07 PM

yoli13

brin Good.  I know how difficult the thyroid and Graves can be.

7:07 PM

yoli13

Joey Hey Joey, how are you?

7:07 PM

brin

yoli13 :08, How are your headaches?

7:08 PM

plumcrazy

yoli13 Thought maybe you spent it with your parents

7:08 PM

Swan

yoli13 - I am doing goof, visiting my brother, sister and her family for the week.  I just hate when courts decide what is best for children, I keep waiting for the judge that will stand up and say enough is enough and say it loud enough to ring throughout the judicial system and be hear.  Yeah, I know dreaming.

7:08 PM

Joey

yoli13 I’m good!

7:09 PM

Swan

yoli13 - I am doing good, maybe goof too!

7:09 PM

yoli13

brin I feel great.  I went to rheumatologist and endocrinologist.  Diagnosed with arthritis and take Aleve 2x/day.  Have Hashimoto's as well.  Once I started taking the medication, I felt great.  No more headaches.

7:09 PM

plumcrazy

yoli13 Glad to hear they figured it out and you are feeling better

7:09 PM

brin

yoli13 :09, Hashimoto's? So you have hyperthyroidism as well?

7:10 PM

yoli13

plumcrazy No parents want to travel but really can't.  Too long of a trip and I didn't want to go back to hometown.  Plus didn't want to leave older daughter alone for xmas.

7:10 PM

yoli13

brin Yeah.  But I really do feel great. 

7:10 PM

yoli13

plumcrazy I haven't felt this good in a long, long time.

7:11 PM

plumcrazy

yoli13 I finally found out what is causing my back issues. I have 2 bulging discs in my back one is completely out from between the vertebrae Just nice to finally know what was causing it

7:11 PM

brin

yoli13 :10, Do you have to take the anti-thyroid meds in addition to Aleve? Or is it just Aleve? Glad you are feeling great now.

7:11 PM

yoli13

Swan Maybe you should run for office.

7:11 PM

brin

yoli13 :11, You're the second person who suggested Swan become a politician!

7:12 PM

yoli13

brin Yeah, take synthroid.  Also take metformin as a prophylactic against diabetes.  In addition to Aleve.

7:12 PM

yoli13

brin Really?  Who else suggested it?  She's got my vote.

7:12 PM

plumcrazy

yoli13 So far traction treatment by Chiropractor has been helping a lot

7:12 PM

Swan

yoli13 - Ironically we were just talking about that, I don't talk double talk well, so I would most likely offend many people.

7:12 PM

brin

yoli13 :12, Oh - so you have hypothyroid - opposite to what I have.

7:12 PM

yoli13

plumcrazy That's really great plum.  I'm glad you are getting the help you need.

7:13 PM

brin

yoli13 :12, How funny! Bluesky suggested Swan be the president of the MLC Sympathy Committee that dumbfounded2 jokingly mentioned in 1 of her posts.

7:13 PM

yoli13

brin Yeah, complete opposite.  The volleyball coach I had in high school had Graves.  I didn't realize it at the time, but since I'm older and really do know more, I realized that's what she had.  Her eyes began to bug out.  Not sure what happened to her.

7:14 PM

brin

plumcrazy :12, I too hurt my back more than 10 years ago, and traction really helped me. My back has been fine ever since, for the most part.

7:14 PM

yoli13

brin That is funny.  I think she could kick --- and take names.  Has that military mentality.

7:14 PM

plumcrazy

brin  That’s good to know about the traction.

7:15 PM

yoli13

Swan But that's okay.  sometimes people get offended when they hear the truth.  A lot of us don't want to hear the truth.  Maybe shock therapy would work.

7:15 PM

brin

yoli13 :14, My eyelids get puffy in the morning for a few hours. Thankfully, my eyes don't bulge - at least not that I can tell. Am also taking a homeopathic remedy to address the root cause.

7:16 PM

Joey

all, I'm going to go, been on since 8. getting just a little tired. day was good, just nothing like I had planned - it was better. :)

7:16 PM

brin

plumcrazy :15, I think the physical therapist also used some heat therapy on my back. I don't remember what exactly though.

7:16 PM

Swan

Joey - Night lady, hope your rest if filled with the peace and protection of God.

7:16 PM

plumcrazy

Joey Merry Christmas and goodnight

7:16 PM

brin

brin :16, Night Joey.

7:16 PM

yoli13

brin What is the homeopathic medicine?  Just curious.

7:17 PM

brin

yoli13 :17 - not sure what it is. I can send you the name later.

7:17 PM

Joey

Good night, Merry Christmas and God blessing to each and every one of you!!!!

7:17 PM

brin

All, I too should go. Merry Christmas night and may you have a good week ahead. Will talk to you Fri chat.

7:18 PM

yoli13

brin Oh, yeah that would be good.  I believe in homeopathic medicine.  I was talking to the nurse consultant that I work with in the schools and she was talking about some home remedies that were printed in the newspaper.  She tried a few of them and she said they worked.

7:18 PM

faithful

brin goodnight.  I have to go to and get some stuff ready have to work tomorrow.

7:18 PM

brin

Yoli, were you planning on staying? If not, I'll stay.

7:18 PM

plumcrazy

faithful Merry Christmas and take care ROOMIE

7:18 PM

yoli13

brin I was going to leave as well.  Just checking to see who was on.  Sorry.

7:19 PM

brin

yoli13 :19, NP. I'll send you an email about the remedies.

7:19 PM

plumcrazy

brin Well lets all call it a night then you can leave too Merry Christmas

7:19 PM

yoli13

brin Ok thanks.

7:21 PM

plumcrazy

Swan and brin  I am going to go to See you tomorrow night

7:21 PM

Swan

plumcrazy  - brin can leave anytime she needs to, I will be here until close.

7:22 PM

brin

OK swan, I'll leave then. Thanks so much for taking of chat. I know you've been in chat quite a bit for the holidays. Merry Christmas night.

7:23 PM

Swan

brin - Night and thanks for helping out tonight.

7:23 PM

faithful

swan I guess I will go to good night.

7:29 PM

buttons

Hey Swan nice to see that it's quiet

7:29 PM

buttons

in a way anyway.... good of you to be here

7:29 PM

Swan

buttons - it was a full room, most have gone off to bed so it is quiet for now.

7:30 PM

buttons

my H has gone off to bed

7:30 PM

Swan

buttons - I can still remember when this was so raw for me and I really needed the support during the holidays, so we try to continue to give it to those who are in that place now.

7:30 PM

buttons

our kids are off at GF or BF's house for their dinner... I cooked a 10lb turkey and two of us worked on it...

7:31 PM

Swan

buttons - With just me, I don't cook for holiday meals that is what is nice about coming up to my sister's.

7:31 PM

buttons

swan I too remember how hard it was, that first year when he'd left and was in another country and I didn't even know if he was lying

7:31 PM

buttons

swan for sure

7:33 PM

Swan

buttons - I say there are two pains you will never forget, child birth and a spouse throwing you away.  With child birth you just love them so much that it feels like it was worth it and with the other, just eventually can use it to help others through the pain and that is God turning something good out of so much sorrow.

7:38 PM

buttons

swan our S gave H his old iPod and it's touchy, got a mind of its own and H is getting frustrated now.... RGH, S was just trying to be kind

7:39 PM

Swan

buttons - and patience isn't something a MLCer has much of to begin with!

7:39 PM

buttons

no kidding

7:41 PM

Swan

buttons - My niece got a laptop for Christmas and there isn't anyone here in MLC, but it has been a little crazy from time to time with the frustration.  An impatient teenager and a mother trying to explain why she can't do certain things and how it will harm the computer.  So, I can imagine how bad it is with your son and his dad.

7:42 PM

buttons

swan hehehehe....

7:44 PM

buttons

swan S isn't here, H is trying to work it while tired and in bed, S won't be back until ??? as he's at dinner at GF's mom's... so I get the pleasure of hearing H spout off about the **** thing

7:44 PM

Swan

buttons - she is the typical teenager, doesn't want to read, just wants to start clicking keys and have someone tell her how to do it, and when you tell her she can't do something, she wants to question it to death.  I thought at one point my brother in law was going to get up and head for his garage, instead he told my niece that he could take it back or she could shut up and listen.  I was shocked, he is a rather quiet man.

7:48 PM

Swan

buttons - I think complaining about anything that doesn't do exactly what they expect (even when that isn't what it does) causes them to spout off, sorry you are having to be the sounding board for it.

7:48 PM

buttons

swan  yeah it's a pain but I have learned to ignore most of the time and not say anything

7:49 PM

Swan

buttons - oh yea, you have to ignore it because if you agree then that is wrong and if you don't agree that is even more wrong, it is a no win situation with them.

7:50 PM

buttons

swan exactly

7:52 PM

buttons

swan that's funny about your niece, glad your bil spoke up

7:52 PM

Swan

buttons - especially father/son situations, your son is probably at the age of what I lovingly call the rooster years.  That is when the son is trying to exert his manhood and push the boundaries in who is head rooster and the current head rooster is trying to prove he is still on top and can rule.  I saw my son and husband do that rooster dance a few times, but luckily once my son was in his twenties and had a home of his own, they stopped the dance and are now friends again.

7:53 PM

buttons

hehehe

7:53 PM

buttons

and with dad in mlc it is especially hard

7:54 PM

buttons

swan our S is 23 so yeah

7:54 PM

Swan

buttons - he's kind of a quiet guy and she is his little girl, spoiled too!  He didn't raise his voice just simply said he could take it back or she could shut up and listen, interestingly both her and my sister shut up and started working together.

7:55 PM

buttons

swan that was smart of him, enough is enough

7:55 PM

Swan

buttons - oh yea, prime rooster age, I think it starts at about 17 and goes until early 20's or they move out. 

7:55 PM

buttons

swan I know with our S he really was trying to do something nice for his dad, he admitted it was a bit temperamental but that it does work overall

7:56 PM

buttons

swan I think it got mixed up with H having left, being injured, etc... S kind of felt like man of house, then dad returns and wants to rule, etc... quite the dance

7:56 PM

Swan

buttons - Funny thing is one of the biggest complains of the MLCer is that no one appreciates the things they do for them and here he is not appreciating something that was done for him.

7:56 PM

buttons

swan I don't want to hear what H says to S

7:57 PM

buttons

Hi David Alan

7:57 PM

Swan

Hey David Alan, glad you stopped in

7:57 PM

David Alan

Hi you two.  Merry Christmas!

7:57 PM

buttons

swan exactly, all he sees is that it's not working right and is frustrated

7:57 PM

buttons

Merry Christmas to you too

7:57 PM

buttons

swan just as he would with anything else that doesn't go or work the way he wants!

7:57 PM

David Alan

Many others join today?

7:58 PM

buttons

apparently it was full earlier but when I came in half an hour ago it was me and swan

7:58 PM

David Alan

Well... you and Swan make a pretty good pair!

7:58 PM

buttons

swan H is asleep now so at least I don't need to hear more about iPod

7:59 PM

buttons

thanks David Alan

7:59 PM

Swan

buttons - I dealt with that one when my husband was on deployment when my son was a teenager, not as bad as the rooster dance, but my son kind of took on the protector roll and when his dad came back home, they butted heads, it was interested and at least before MLC.

7:59 PM

David Alan

Had the whole family at home this year.  It was really nice.

7:59 PM

buttons

our S was starting before but with dad having gone he stepped up somewhat, as did our D

8:00 PM

Swan

David Alan - how was your Christmas?

8:00 PM

buttons

Wonderful! It was just H and I today

8:00 PM

David Alan

They are all staying the night tonight and I'm cooking breakfast for them in the morning!

8:01 PM

Swan

David Alan - I like my eggs over hard and my bacon crispy, what time is the breakfast bell?

8:01 PM

buttons

swan after I told D she was not going to make me decide between her dad and her she started to pull up and pull along side, S is a different story--- he just is upset and mad at dad some still

8:01 PM

David Alan

Got to be here by 9:00 AM.  ;)

8:01 PM

buttons

hehehe... don't mention food yet I'm still stuffed!

8:01 PM

David Alan

Me too.

8:02 PM

David Alan

Just going to make me a nice hot cup of green tea.

8:02 PM

buttons

10 lb turkey two people... lots of left over’s

8:02 PM

buttons

peppermint tea for me please

8:02 PM

David Alan

Using my new Kerig...

8:02 PM

Swan

David Alan - darn I just tried to wiggle my nose and it didn't do anything, were is Samantha when you need her!!

8:02 PM

David Alan

LOL

8:03 PM

Swan

David Alan - I got one of those a couple years ago, LOVE  IT.  Did you get the attachment so you can use your own grounds, awesome!!! 

8:03 PM

David Alan

I'm so thankful for God's patience and understanding... especially after 50 years of my shenanigans.

8:03 PM

buttons

well you both are wonderful to be here for others on this day... have a good evening and thanks for the chat swan just at a time when I needed it (unknown to me at the time)

8:03 PM

David Alan

Swan - just got on in my Stocking... haven't tried it yet.

8:04 PM

David Alan

Blessings buttons.  Good to see you again!

8:04 PM

buttons

This morning my H was in the kitchen, looked out the window and there was a white dove sitting in the tree

8:04 PM

buttons

you too David Alan

8:04 PM

David Alan

Enjoy the rest of your Christmas day...

8:05 PM

buttons

The poor thing sat out in the cold, wind and rain until just around the time I was serving dinner tonight, he didn't fly away when I went outside, appeared to be somewhat tame... it was amazing

8:05 PM

David Alan

Night

8:05 PM

Swan

David Alan - I use mine especially for teas and it is great, only thing is you might need to experiment with how much to put in the basket, some teas and coffees are stronger, thus need less others need more. But I love it

8:05 PM

buttons

he popped off fast... thanks for the chat, have a great night! take care

8:06 PM

Swan

buttons - that is cool that it sat there all that time, maybe a sign of peace over your household

8:06 PM

Swan

Night buttons, see you next time

8:06 PM

buttons

swan I felt like it was there for a reason, it was so calm, so pretty

8:06 PM

buttons

Night swan

6:46 PM

Chapman

Dani  Do you think it was good that I didn't initiate any communication with my H today?  It is always hard to know just what to do. The person that I am would like to wish him a Merry Christmas, but I don't want to push him further away so I decided to do nothing today.

6:48 PM

dani

Chapman, it is hard to know what is going on in their mind when they do not contact us.  I do know that with my h he desperately needed me to remind him that we were thinking of him, missing him, loving him.  It is always a risk to be hurt when we reach out in any way, but we do it with prayer and our eyes wide open that they may not respond.  We just reach out as God reached out to us.  Jim always says to keep it light, funny is good, not romantic, not mushy. Pray about this.

 

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud