Midlife Dimensions

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New Year's Eve / Regular Session - 12/31/11

1:28 PM

Pualani

Swan @:25 Yes, they keep telling N6 they have no money because of her daddy and yet my H and OW bought themselves a 3D DS!!!

1:30 PM

Swan

Pualani - Dear, I honestly think he needs to see a solicitor about these types of statements to his children and behavior.  He pays child support; I am assuming decided by a court, plus your husband's income and her's, if she works, that isn't a valid excuse (of course children wouldn't understand this).

 

 

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December 31, 2011 / Saturday 1-2 pm PST / CR#5

1:02 PM

Pualani

Hello and welcome to Saturday chat!

1:02 PM

Swan

Hello everyone, welcome to Saturday afternoon chat.

1:03 PM

Pualani

Hello Swan, how are you today?

1:03 PM

Swan

Matthew 21:21-22  - Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, Go, throw yourself into the sea, and it will be done.  If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. 

1:04 PM

Pualani

Swan @:03 Amen!

1:04 PM

Swan

Pualani - Doing good

1:05 PM

Pualani

Swan @:04 Pleased to hear that. I am still at my brother's farm. He is out for New Year celebrations and staying at my house, while I babysit N6 at his house. I have just put her to bed with a magazine :}

1:07 PM

Swan

Pualani - I never was one to celebrate (at least not the way most do) New Year's Eve, tend to stay home where it is safer.  So 2011 is almost gone from us and 2012 is nipping at our heels.  I truly pray that this new year will bring blessing and reconciliations for all. 

1:10 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:07 I am like you Swan and prefer to be at home. Last year I did go out to our village social club disco with S15 and that was the first time in many years. Yes, I agree blessings and reconciliation in the new year would be wonderful :)

1:10 PM

 

Pualani

Swan, how was your Christmas?

1:11 PM

Swan

Pualani - My husband and I used to have a private ring in the new year at home, nothing too exciting.  Popcorn, a good movie and sparkling grape juice at midnight.  I will still do that, just without my one-flesh soul mate sitting beside me, next year if it is God's will!

1:12 PM

Swan

Pualani - My Christmas was very nice, I went up to my sister's and spent it with her family and our brother.

1:12 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:11 What a lovely way to bring in the new year. God willing it will be soon when you and he can do that again.

1:13 PM

Swan

Pualani - If I remember correctly you celebrate Boxer's Day, how was your holiday?

1:14 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:12 Glad to hear you had a nice family Christmas. Yes, we have Boxing Day here. Swan my Christmas was blessed meeting N3 for the first time - she's like a little doll! Not once did she ask for her Mum or my H who she thinks is her dad. She stayed for 9 hours and insisted on helping her daddy feed the pigs, bless her!

1:17 PM

 

Pualani

Swan it's been sad to hear N6 repeat some of the things her mum has told her about her daddy - lies of course. Tonight she even said that her mum told her that her daddy never wanted her. I had to bite my tongue, but reassured her that her daddy did want her and loves her so very much.

1:18 PM

Swan

Pualani - I just shake my head over your situation.  My heart breaks for you and the children in this confusing mess.

1:19 PM

Swan

Pualani - Telling children those types of lies is actually abuse, but because it doesn't leave physical scars there are no agencies ready to jump in and protect the children.  So, sad.

1:20 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:18 Thanks Swan, yes it is so awful and mostly for the children. N3 thinks my H is her daddy and my brother is her big sister's daddy. N6 is well aware that my H is her uncle and tells them so.

1:23 PM

Swan

Pualani - Fortunately as N3 gets older, she will realize the truth.  I babysat for a neighbor once for a little girl age 2 and even after I didn't babysit her daily, she still called me mommy, did so right up until about age 5. 

1:23 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:19 That is so true. OW is not a good mother - she sends N6 in panties far too small for her and she told her dad her mum made her put them on just before he collected her. I think it's an attempt to get him to buy more clothes. Yesterday OW told my brother she would not send clothes with N6 in future, he will have to buy her clothes to wear while she is with him. My mum wondered if OW will strip the girls naked before they arrive to collect them and have him put his clothes on them!!!

1:24 PM

buttons

Hello to both of you... I just popped into wish everyone a Happy New year

1:24 PM

buttons

It appears to be very quiet today, I hope that means everyone is off having some fun and time with friends

1:25 PM

Swan

Pualani - Is there nothing that social services (if you have that type of department) will do, that is pure neglect, even if he does have purchase clothes and keep them at his place, to put them in clothes that are too small, or only send what they are wearing, pure hateful neglect.

1:25 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:23 Ah, how sweet! My N6 had the opportunity to go with her daddy today, but she wanted to stay with her auntie and auntie's puppy and have a girlie day. We got food shopping and dog food from the farm stores and I bought us a magazine each. We have fed and cleaned out the chickens, fed the pigs and walked the dog. We have taught my puppy to balance food on his nose and then toss it in the air and catch it!

1:25 PM

Swan

Hello buttons - how are you today?

1:26 PM

 

Pualani

Hello buttons and welcome to chat!

1:27 PM

 

Pualani

buttons @:24 Happy New Year to you too!

1:28 PM

Swan

Pualani - Boy you have been busy, bet she loves having the attention because I am guessing she doesn't get it at home with her mother.

1:28 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:25 Yes, they keep telling N6 they have no money because of her daddy and yet my H and OW bought themselves a 3D DS!!!

1:28 PM

buttons

hi swan and morwenna doing pretty good, tired and tired of being emotionally tired

1:29 PM

buttons

pualani it is horrible the games your bro's wife is "playing" children should never be used to hurt others and these poor girls are being hurt

1:30 PM

Swan

Pualani - Dear, I honestly think he needs to see a solicitor about these types of statements to his children and behavior.  He pays child support; I am assuming decided by a court, plus your husband's income and her's, if she works, that isn't a valid excuse (of course children wouldn't understand this).

1:30 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:28 Yes, she's very much pushed aside. She's even locked in the bathroom she said when her mum wants time with her little sister alone. Sometimes little sister is locked in the bathroom. Then she was able to see how they can lock her in and unlock the door from the outside. Isn't that terrible?

1:31 PM

buttons

swan, pualani, trying to get up and get going right away on weekends and during the week so that I can keep going once school starts again

1:31 PM

Swan

Pualani - I know your son is older, but have you talked to him about what types of abuses he is subjected to when he is with his dad?

1:31 PM

 

Pualani

buttons @:28 Sorry to hear that, but we know what that's like. Stress is so exhausting and yet sleep is also elusive - it's a vicious cycle

1:31 PM

buttons

pualani ( swan ) here social services/child protection would be called and they would put the children into care

1:33 PM

 

Pualani

buttons @:29 They sure are and my brother cries for them. My H told N6 it would be a good thing when she went off to live with her stupid daddy

1:33 PM

Swan

buttons - Here they wouldn't immediately remove the children from the household, but a social worker would visit the home unexpectedly and talk to the children a few times a month.  If the abuse continued then they would try to place the children with the other parent or family.  Placing them into care would be a last resort action.

1:33 PM

buttons

pualani that's for sure and last night D's BF was using words loudly and I couldn't sleep, been hearing too many from him and from H lately, then ran all but the throw from car papers so my body is done and yet my brain had this moment of panic last night that there were so many things to do still and only a few more days of 'break' --- that sure didn't help sleep

1:34 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:30 He has started legal proceedings to get proper visitation. He hopes one day to have full custody of them. I have told him I will help him take care of them

1:35 PM

 

Pualani

buttons @:31 when does school resume?

1:35 PM

buttons

swan that's what used to happen here but then there were a few prominent cases where children died and now they have gone to other extreme--- my GF had here's taken away and then they make it really hard to get them back... her children were placed with her mom though but that was NOT a good thing either, such negative stuff from her

1:35 PM

buttons

pualani -on Tuesday

1:36 PM

buttons

pualani as swan said he needs to keep records of things that are being said and done and share those with the lawyer, that will help build the case, when you tell a child that things will be better when they are with their stupid dad and lock them in bathrooms that is not okay

1:36 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:31 Yes, he said his dad threw a remote control at him once and also got him by the throat on the sofa one day and OW had to get him off. He still chooses to stay with his dad though as they pay him to stay out of their way. My brother often sees him hanging around in town at the weekends and he also stays with friends a lot and parties too

1:37 PM

 

Pualani

buttons @:31 OW would just deny everything and I doubt a court would believe what a 6 year old says - even though she is really bright

1:37 PM

Swan

Pualani - It is very clear (and I hope he is writing these comments from his daughter's down with dates) that it is all about the money she is getting from him.  Also, he might keep track of others who might have witnessed her comments or actions.  Even friends when called into court or a judge's chambers will rarely purge themselves for a friend.

1:39 PM

buttons

swan wow, the things that they will do @:37 there is your older son who can share some maybe? plus courts are learning more and more to listen to children.... it's not like she would keep telling this if it wasn't true

1:40 PM

Swan

Pualani - Here the courts would assign a child physiologist to see the kids and they would determine if the child is telling the truth or making things up.  Is that something possible there, even if you brother has to request that type action through his lawyer to the courts.

1:40 PM

buttons

pualani, swan is right, there are friends and even teachers too... having said that sometimes teachers, here at least, are very careful about putting things into writing but it is their duty to call into child protection agencies when something is amiss and that could then be drawn into court

1:42 PM

buttons

swan, pualani, thank you both for being here today, it is wonderful of you to share your time so that others might have a place to visit and vent or just share... God bless you and Happy New Year, I am going to run before my body gets too used to this sitting thing..... Hugs to both of you and may the new year hold many more of God's blessings

1:42 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:40 Yes, we have been keeping notes of what she says and how OW behaves. My poor brother is so stressed right now with preparing for court in the new year. I have been doing his paperwork this week. I was glad he's taken off for a while to chill out completely

1:45 PM

 

Pualani

buttons @:42 Thank you and bless you!

1:46 PM

Swan

Pualani - Wow, this is the quietest a Saturday has been, wonder if many are out having a fun time and/or planning to come into chat later tonight for the New Year's Eve Special chat time.

1:47 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:46 Yes, it sure is quiet. I imagine preparations are being made for later celebrations. Here, it's coming up to 10pm, so partying will be in full swing! lol

1:49 PM

 

Pualani

Swan, do you have plans for tomorrow?

1:49 PM

Swan

Pualani - Not really, just planning to stay home.

1:52 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:49 Me too. I will return home either Monday night or Tuesday during the day. I may be needed to take my mum to hospital on Tuesday for an endoscopy. She has been having tests and bowel cancer has been mentioned a few times as a possibility. She had found out she is anemic and her kidney function isn't too good. We would appreciate prayers for her. Also, her H has had a bad cough for many months, I'm concerned for him

1:53 PM

Swan

Pualani - Has your brother's lawyer talked to any of her family and friends or are they waiting until court to question them about what they have witnessed? 

1:54 PM

Swan

Pualani - Oh dear, that sounds serious; Yes I will add her to my prayer list. 

1:55 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:53 Court is for brother's financial settlement. His application for visitation for his girls is separate and is just in the application stage. All this legal wrangling has got my brother so stressed. His Dr wants him to have tests for angina, but I think it could be severe heartburn as he has excess stomach acid

1:58 PM

Swan

Pualani - Well, I hope that in the financial settlement his lawyer is noting that he has been issued the order by their mother that he is required to buy clothes to keep at his home for them, that she is sending them in clothes that are too small, so what is the child support being used for or is that part of her plot for sending them in clothes that don't fit, so she can tell the court that she needs more money??

2:01 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:58 My brother is going to drop her support money a little to compensate for having to buy clothes for them to wear at his house. I will be writing the letter to OW's solicitor on his behalf. OW has the best in clothes, makeup toiletries etc and she's quite happy for her children to go without. She really is terrible! My H earns 3 times more than my brother, but his W wants to bleed him dry

2:02 PM

 

Pualani

Swan, would it be OK for me to leave now please? N6 has got out of bed several times and I want her to get off to sleep now.

2:02 PM

Swan

Morwenna - Sadly both her and your husband sound like they are deep in the self-centered stage and in that stage they seem to need more and more money to pay for their "fun".  Plus, it probably isn't your husband wanting her to bleed your brother.  He most likely is looking at his money as his and since the girls are not his, he doesn't want to be financially responsible for anything for them.  He probably doesn't want to be financially responsible for your sister in law either.  MLCer's tend to put a lot of weight in money, it becomes their worth and they don't like to have to share it with anyone, they feel like they work, they earn it, therefore, it is all theirs to spend.  It's just so sad that children on both sides are caught in the middle of this.

2:02 PM

Swan

Pualani - Yeah, go, it is time to close anyway.  Have fun with N6

2:03 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:02Exactly and my poor brother will be the one who foots the bill ultimately!

2:04 PM

 

Pualani

Swan @:02 Thank you and bless you. May the rest of your weekend and indeed the new year be richly blessed for you. See ya next year! ;)

2:04 PM

Swan

See you next year!!  Love you dear lady.

2:05 PM

 

Pualani

Love you too sweetpea! (((((((HUGS)))))))

1:28 PM

Pualani

Swan @:25 Yes, they keep telling N6 they have no money because of her daddy and yet my H and OW bought themselves a 3D DS!!!

1:30 PM

Swan

Pualani - Dear, I honestly think he needs to see a solicitor about these types of statements to his children and behavior.  He pays child support; I am assuming decided by a court, plus your husband's income and her's, if she works, that isn't a valid excuse (of course children wouldn't understand this).

 

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud