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New Year's Day - 1/1/12

6:50 PM

buttons

Joey H had gone to bed early, then around 4am, after I'd gotten to bed at 12 and a bit, his cell phone rings, twice, he gets up and spends two hours on computer and his cell texting... I went to other room to sleep... got woken when he went back to bed, then when S came home from work, then when H got up in morning... the one night where normally I can have a whole night sleep all at one time I didn't and I was hurt and upset to boot

6:55 PM

Joey

buttons, mlc makes men/women nuts. they act like teenager and can't focus. they live for the fantasy of the chase. feeling like they are sneaking and getting away with things. Keep your eyes above the physical and look unto the hills where YOUR help comes from.

 

 

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January 01, 2012 / Sunday 6-8 pm PST / CR#1

6:03 PM

Swan

Hello everyone, welcome to Midlife Dimensions Sunday evening chat.

6:04 PM

Joey

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! Holy spirit we invite You into our time of chat tonight.

6:06 PM

mas

Hello everyone.

6:06 PM

Joey

Hi Swan, Dogwood and Mas!

6:07 PM

dogwood

mas I got your voice message, thanks

6:07 PM

Joey

hi challenger!!!

6:07 PM

challenger3

Hi Joey and everyone.

6:07 PM

mas

dogwood You're very welcome. How are things going?

6:08 PM

mas

Joey Was there a prayer group today? I don't think I got an e-mail about it.

6:08 PM

mas

challenger3 Hi.

6:09 PM

Joey

mas, yes, I had it open but no one came online.

6:09 PM

mas

All How was everyone's New Year's Eve?

6:09 PM

mas

Joey Did Alaneous send out any prayer requests this week?

6:10 PM

challenger3

hi Mas,

6:11 PM

dogwood

mas good, nothing specific.  today the church sermon speaks on our God is the God of "redemption", and when we thought that God is silent in our situations and hardship, we may lose our faith in God it is time to remember that our God never changes; His love is forever toward us. nothing can separate us from His love. although our situation is unclear, He never changes

6:12 PM

challenger3

All my H and I had a big fight on Friday-I tried not to get into it but I think I was still so upset about Christmas that I found it hard not to.  Anyway, our first court date is this Thursday the 4th.  He has been working to get all the counselors to say that the children can handle more back and forth but in all the letters the counselors are basically defending me.  Very Very scared of this first meeting.

6:12 PM

Joey

mas, she did last week about the holiday weekends.

6:12 PM

mas

Joey Hmmm....Don't think I got them. :(

6:12 PM

Joey

hi dumbfounded and lalachrissie!!!

6:13 PM

Joey

hi slo!

6:13 PM

challenger3

All also it was amazing to hear him say to me that the one thing his children have been missing this past year is more time with him.  Just so so funny since all of this has been his choice.

6:13 PM

challenger3

Hi slo!

6:13 PM

dumbfounded2

Joey   Hello and Happy New Year!

6:13 PM

mas

challenger3 (((HUGS)))

6:13 PM

slo

Joey -challenger3 -Hi everyone

6:14 PM

mas

slo Hi

6:14 PM

Joey

mas its still Sun. nights 7:30 same number and access code. Laneous is working on some training and might not get to be on much so I'm covering for her.

6:15 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan, Joey - When  a MLC spouse (husband) isolates himself and is depressed and just seems to be surviving, not living, is there anything I can do to help him? Anyone else?  He is unwilling to seek help.  He feels ashamed and guilty for his behavior?  Anyway to know what stage of MLC this is?

6:16 PM

mas

 Hi lalachrissie, how are you?

6:16 PM

dogwood

lalachrissie Happy New Year to you and your girls!  I hope that you all have a nice break from work and school

6:16 PM

slo

All-I have to share, some of your may remember I told my h no to his request about fixing him lunches and him picking them up on his way to work like I used to do. Well, apparently he isn't speaking to me now.  He text everyone happy new year except me. If it wasn't so petty I would think it was funny.

6:19 PM

challenger3

Mas@13 thanks

6:19 PM

dumbfounded2

slo - That is funny...so the pickup window is temporarily closed?  At least you didn’t drive the lunches to your H.  I did that from time to time.  I have decided this year I am going to take care of me and my boys and let H fend for himself. He has never asked me to do this, but I have done this kind of thing for our entire marriage and I feel sorry for him sometimes.  What is wrong with me?  He chose to leave our home and kids.

6:19 PM

mas

challenger3 :)

6:19 PM

challenger3

HI lalachrissie.

6:19 PM

lalachrissie

all hi my life sucks

6:20 PM

plumcrazy

lalachrissie what’s going on?

6:20 PM

mas

lalachrissie What's happened?

6:20 PM

Swan

dumbfounded2 - Unfortunately no, there isn't anything you or anyone else can do to help him, he has to face his issues himself and then he will be more open to counseling to help him work through them.  As for the stages of MLC, they are good information to have, but DO NOT get hung on what stage they are in, because they bounce in and out, back and forward, repeating some stages, never entering other stages.  Use the stages as a guide but don't try to fit him into the box at anytime, he isn't going to fit and if he does, it will not be for long.

6:22 PM

Joey

hi Plumcrazy!

6:22 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan Thanks.  I am not sure what the stages even are.  I know he went thru terrible anger for a while, then withdrew completely, now cycles between contact and withdrawal...and seems depressed (old, tired, hopeless)..  Kind of scary because I am a half full kind of person.

6:22 PM

challenger3

lalachrissie what is going on?

6:23 PM

slo

dumbfounded2 -Same here.  I like doing things for him but I really feel God is telling me this time needs to be different.  The family get together with his brothers was today, my D was sick (21) so I called them and told them we wouldn't be coming...I could have but the thought of going made my stomach turn and I really felt God was telling me not to go and her being sick was my out.  But of course on the way home from church I drive by my h on his way to his brothers. He didn't know I wasn't coming. I'm glad I didn't go; he didn't even acknowledge me but told our oldest D he saw me. I'm just waiting for the next "payback" for his not getting his way

6:23 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - Does a MLC H even know what their issues are?

6:23 PM

Swan

slo - Well not having his lunches made for him is a consequence of his choice to not live there.  He sounds much like a spoiled child who was just told no; he is going to test you by not talking to you.  You need to do what you feel comfortable with and if that means he has to get his own lunch, then that is what it means.

6:24 PM

dumbfounded2

slo - Don't worry about not doing lunches for him.  He is testing you and doesn’t like consequences for his actions.  You do lunch as a gift of kindness, not a duty.

6:25 PM

lalachrissie

challenger3 my h is telling me he has a lawyer now and he's fighting for custody

6:25 PM

challenger3

mas the funny thing is that he called me Friday evening to ask me about the medications that our daughter takes.  It was like he needed a reason to call me on a Friday at about 5:30 p.m.  He asked me to e-mail him the meds and dosages.  He kind of did it in the way of...UMMM hey when you get a minute would you mind you know sending me all her meds and amounts.  I said sure but I give them to you and tell you what she needs to take.  I have also informed him of any changes.  I asked what it was really for and he said well I am her father I figure I should know.  I figure his lawyer or a friend asked and he could not answer. He hates looking bad

6:25 PM

Swan

dumbfounded2 - those who have gone through it that I have had the pleasure of speaking with, eventually knew and they faced them, worked through the issues and are now much happier in life, marriage, work, etc. 

6:26 PM

slo

Swan -I agree he is acting like a spoiled child.  I do feel at peace about it.  Even about not going to the lunch today.  I KNOW he would not expect that of me.  God is really ministering to me that he is trying to make me strong now. It is different but good I think.

6:26 PM

dumbfounded2

Slo - Does your H live with you?  Is he in a fog or have an angry attitude?

6:26 PM

mas

slo Good for you for setting boundaries!

6:27 PM

challenger3

lalachrissie-(((HUGS))) I know where you are at.  Mine keeps saying that the fight has just started and that if I do not give him what he wants he is going for half and half.  Then once he is done saying those things to me we are friends again.

6:27 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - It seems like when this started, he didn’t have any idea what was wrong other than he had lost a promotion at work.  Now is says sometimes that he realizes that he is not angry with me, but at himself?  So maybe he has some idea of what the problem is?  I sure don’t.

6:28 PM

slo

dumbfounded2 -He has been out of the house for almost 2 years, but we have remained connected. He moved back in for 3 months and then moved out the 29th. He is nice when he is getting his way which is most of the time.  He is a complainer and scrooge most of the time. Not mean just disgruntled. This is the first time I have really told him no.

6:28 PM

challenger3

Lalachrissie-all I can say is that I understand where you are-scared, nervous, angry etc...I have just had to put a mental block in place and realize that my new goal is to protect me and my children.

6:29 PM

dumbfounded2

slo Setting boundaries then will let him know that you have a backbone and won’t tolerate his behavior.  He won’t like it and will try to push you but this is probably a good thing.  Why did he move back in?

6:29 PM

mas

challenger3 My H called to wish me a Happy New Year and hoped I had a good weekend...It seemed like he was staying home this time around and sounded extremely depressed.

6:30 PM

challenger3

Mas, Well that is a good sign!

6:30 PM

Joey

mas that’s a good sign!

6:30 PM

challenger3

SLO I agree with dumbfounded 2@29.  I think setting boundaries is a big part of all this.  

6:33 PM

dumbfounded2

challenger 3 , slo  Everything I have read says we are tolerant in the beginning, but must start setting boundaries for our own wellbeing once they have had a chance to start moving thru MLC.  I can’t imagine living with no boundaries on their behavior indefinitely.  I certainly don’t do that with my kids and I definitely won’t do it with my spouse.  At first, I was reeling from the onslaught of emotions this brought out.  Now, I have to think of what is fair to me and kids emotionally.

6:33 PM

challenger3

Mas, mine called at about 9:15 p.m. to "talk to the kids and say good night” I gave it to my daughter and he said we are just hanging at a friend’s house chilling.  He asked where we were and she told him that we were at a friend’s house-same friend we go to every year by the way and it was getting noisy. She hung up on him so I called him back and said I think she hung up on you and he said yeah I think so-he was very calm.  I wished him a Happy new Year and he said it back.  I handed the phone to my son and then I have not heard from him since.  It was good that he knew we went out for the New year but I find it sad that he has not cared to see if we made it home safely.

6:33 PM

Swan

mas - Your husband is reconnecting with you little by little lately isn't he, I think he is noticing the self-confident woman you are becoming. 

6:34 PM

dogwood

mas I am glad to know that your h calls you for New Year.  that is a positive sign.  As I told you before that I called my h to with him a Merry Christmas. but today, I did not call him to wish him happy New Year.  I felt that I initiated the call last week and this time, he did not call me so, I don't have to bother calling him for New Year.  I understand that he is still home, maybe partying with his friends...

6:35 PM

mas

Swan Do you think that's what he's doing? I'm really not sure. I just know that he is very, very depressed....started crying on the phone.

6:35 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2-ABSOLUTELY!!!! I agree and that has been me totally. I still have my moments but I am becoming even more standoffish yet happy around him at the same time.  Our last fight-which I did not want-I basically called him out on a few things with my daughter.  I had him speechless on a few things.  I know the last thing we want is the fight and stress but I had to defend myself in this one because he was calling me out on my parenting skills and how little time I give him.  It was hard not to answer some of these things.

6:36 PM

slo

dumbfounded2 -This is the 4th time he moved back in.  He goes through an "obligation-right thing to do" phase.  I have told him when he comes home he needs to cut it off with ow and he does for a couple weeks and then he breaks down and it starts all over again.  This time the OW lost her job about a year ago and so he moved her in his 2 bedroom trailer with her 5 kids ages 8-17.  She was pregnant with OM baby that she started seeing when H told her it was over....anyway, he came home, she miscarried a month later at 7 months pregnant which reconnected them, he was going to help raise the baby before he decided to come home. Now she is engaged to OM and he told her to move of trailer...she did and he moved back in.  She told him she will break up with her fiancée once our D is final.  He doesn’t think she will do it.  She is now living with her fiancée and still not working.  He works out of state and will be home on the weekends.  This is Jerry Springer material here.  I am exhausted and ready for some peace

6:36 PM

challenger3

MAS, I think I agree with Swan... What was he crying about?  That is a huge change isn't it?

6:36 PM

Swan

mas - I think he is, but he could continue tiny baby steps for a long time, just continue to grow and be his friend.

6:37 PM

mas

slo It sounds as if she's even more confused and mixed up than your H is.

6:38 PM

challenger3

Slo I would have to back mas...They all seem a little needy and desperate.

6:38 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - that being his friend stuff is tuff.  I want to knock some sense into him when he acts like it is the end of the world because he is over 40, needs glasses and hasn’t gotten the promotion he deserves.  Gosh, some people can’t even get a job, much less one that pays what his does. Waa!  Sorry (can't help it sometimes)

6:38 PM

mas

Swan Yes, that's all I am doing and have no expectations whatsoever right now. In a way, I almost feel like the tables have turned and that I am now the stronger one.

6:39 PM

challenger3

mas you probably are.

6:39 PM

mas

challenger3 He was crying because he is doing very badly both financially and health wise.

6:39 PM

slo

mas -challenger3 -she is a piece of work. He says she has changed since the miscarriage, which is possible but she has always been needy. Now she is mean spirited. They fight quite a bit.  I pray he starts to see her true colors.

6:40 PM

dogwood

mas good for you when your h acknowledges his own issues

6:40 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2-I feel the same when I hear which is about once a month-My kids miss me and want more time with me.  They have missed having time with me this year etc...He is now blaming me for his decisions.  I even told him that this would be his consequence and now I am the bad guy!

6:40 PM

dumbfounded2

slo I don’t have the OW thing to freak out over.  I honestly think I would just file for a D.  I have a really hard time with that. (childhood issues).   H knows this.  If he wants out, he knows that will do it.

6:40 PM

Swan

mas - Well I have seen you grow over the years and I would have to agree, you are a much stronger person and you are also more God centered, able to trust, especially in God.

6:41 PM

Joey

mas, I agree with Swan!!!!

6:41 PM

mas

Swan I also think I'm finally beginning to understand what Jim means when he says the OW doesn't exist.

6:41 PM

challenger3

mas, I am sorry to hear that he is having those problems but it sounds like a good sign for you.  Maybe he is starting to realize who can help him the most.

6:41 PM

slo

dumbfounded2 -My h is the same way.  I always try to show him the positive and just doesn't listen. God has shown him a lot of Grace and mercy.  But he always complains. I'm tired and have put my pom poms away for awhile.  It has always been like that.

6:41 PM

challenger3

Mas, maybe he is realizing that he needs help

6:42 PM

mas

slo I'm sure that he will.

6:42 PM

slo

mas -How do you do that?  I have yet to figure that one out.

6:43 PM

challenger3

mas @41 what do you mean by that?

6:43 PM

mas

Swan Joey Thank you!!!

6:43 PM

Joey

I'm so proud of you!

6:43 PM

mas

challenger3 Oh yes, that's for sure...He definitely KNOWS he needs help.

6:43 PM

dumbfounded2

challenger3 - My H doesn’t see our kids unless I encourage it.  I think he is filled with guilt and shame...and thinks everyone hates him. No one in our families (with the exception of my very opinionated sister has said a negative thing to him)   I have tried to explain to our boys 20,11 that daddy is having some real tough issues to work thru and we can’t help and he can’t be here for us emotionally.  He has taken care of us financially.

6:44 PM

Swan

mas - Hey you know me, I tend to just call it as I see it and I have been very impressed with your growth this past year and actually look forward to seeing how much more you will blossom and how it will get your husband's attention.

6:44 PM

mas

challenger3 @41 That would be nice! I hope so!

6:45 PM

Joey

Mas, amen to Swans 9:44 pm

6:45 PM

Joey

hi Buttons!!!!!

6:45 PM

Swan

Hello buttons - how are you tonight?

6:46 PM

mas

slo It's taken me a good 3 years...It hasn't been easy, believe me!

6:46 PM

buttons

Hey Joey swan doing a bit better tonight but sure had a stinky start to new year

6:46 PM

buttons

ALL just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a happy new year

6:46 PM

mas

buttons Hi there!

6:46 PM

buttons

Hey Mas

6:46 PM

Joey

buttons, what happened?

6:46 PM

mas

buttons Happy New Year to you, too.

6:47 PM

dumbfounded2

Swan - So, you are suggesting I concentrate on me and just let him work thru his issues in his own time?  Sounds good, just hard to do.  I want him to be involved with kids, but I also want him to WANT to be part of our family, not do it out of guilt, or whatever.

6:47 PM

slo

mas -I don't know if I can't because she is in my face so much. Is it just you don't let it bother you?  How do you get to where "she doesn't exist?" Is it just mind set?

6:47 PM

mas

Swan Thanks, me too!

6:47 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2-I am very happy that my H wants time with his kids but it tends to cause more pain for everyone including them.  The OW has 3 kids and they seem to be around about 75% of the time so my daughter becomes very jealous but I still encourage their relationship with him.  He manipulates them so they like his new lifestyle which confuses the kids even more and in the end he thinks that the kids should stay at his place every Weds, thurs and then every other weekend.  My daughter has so many emotional issues that this would be too much on her.  He knows it but I think he is pushing it so we fight.  He actually asked me if I thought he had their best interest at heart.  Man it was hard not to scream NO!

6:47 PM

buttons

Joey H had gone to bed super early

6:48 PM

dumbfounded2

slo I think mas is saying that the OW is really just a symptom of MLC, not a real threat emotionally.  The OW is an ego booster, not a true partner.  Am I right, mas?

6:49 PM

mas

slo Yes. As I said, it has taken a LOT of hard work and becoming a much stronger person emotionally. At the beginning, I was a complete basket case.

6:49 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2-I get very mother bear with my kids and the OW made them blankets and then put them on a family membership to a local community center that is like the YMCA.  OH man I was so mad...He says he keeps telling them that all these people are just his friends and not family.  That OW is not nor will ever be their Mom, however, they play board games, go to movies go to dinner etc. with her and her son all the time.  They even went to her parent's house for thanksgiving.  My kids are soo confused,

6:50 PM

dumbfounded2

challenger3 - I can understand how hard that could be.  I would feel threatened that he was creating this "new" family dynamic with her kids and his kids (Brady bunch) and would freak out.  Also, your children are going to worry about you a lot since this is not your doing.  I would be very protective because you know this OW relationship is destined to fail and the relationship the kids build will be severed eventually.  Tough stuff for little ones to deal with.

6:50 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded-When I hear about their life with her it is like the CLEAVERS have moved to town.  Sorry had to vent\

6:50 PM

buttons

Joey H had gone to bed early, then around 4am, after I'd gotten to bed at 12 and a bit, his cell phone rings, twice, he gets up and spends two hours on computer and his cell texting... I went to other room to sleep... got woken when he went back to bed, then when S came home from work, then when H got up in morning... the one night where normally I can have a whole night sleep all at one time I didn't and I was hurt and upset to boot

6:51 PM

slo

mas -dumbfounded2 -well, as of now he considers her his best friend.  He went into a quick nose dive when she got engaged. She told him she was tired of waiting on him.  He told me he has never known anyone he was as compatible with. That they are very much alike. Even the fact that she doesn't chew gum. He said he has never known a woman who doesn’t chew gum.  I couldn't believe I was hearing that. 

6:53 PM

dumbfounded2

slo Dear heavens, chewing gum compatibility?  I am laughing while typing?  They can come up with some weird stuff to justify it all.  He is on a heck of a ride and will probably end up with a lot of consequences to pay for it.

6:53 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2-Last thing I will say is that when my H moved out I decided that it is his decision to have a relationship with his children.  That it was not my job to push him.  I encourage it when daughter gets cranky and I say yes to his requests but I do not make any suggestions nor try to plan it.  I would suggest that for you.  It helps you to detach as well because you still own the whole relationship and responsibility. Your children know when it is you or when it is the H.  Take that responsibility off of your shoulders and you may see yourself detach a little.

6:54 PM

slo

dumbfounded2 -I've been waiting but nothing yet. God has been very merciful. 

6:54 PM

dogwood

swan Today my 4 yr old granddaughter asked me out of the blue: why does grandpa not come here for a while"?   last yr she also asked a similar question:  "why does grandpa not coming with you to visit?"  Last yr h was out of the country so I told her that because grandpa is far far away...  Today, when she asks me again, I respond:  Yeh, he should come to visit, doesn't he?  I will tell him that you ask about him”.  I felt sad inside, but quickly pushed away my emotion.  I did tell h about granddaughter asking about him last year.  I plan to let h know this time as well.  do you think I am doing the right thing here?

6:55 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2@50 That is exactly my worry.  My kids are getting attached to her son mainly and her son is getting attached but I don't think they are attached to her. 

6:55 PM

Joey

buttons, mlc makes men/women nuts. they act like teenager and can't focus. they live for the fantasy of the chase. feeling like they are sneaking and getting away with things. Keep your eyes above the physical and look unto the hills where YOUR help comes from.

6:55 PM

mas

challenger3 dumbfounded2 slo Jim says that you must act as if the OW doesn't exist. My question up until now has always been, 'How do you do that? That's totally impossible.' I've finally come to a more comfortable place within myself and am more at peace with myself so it's gotten a lot easier. I'm not saying it has no effect on me. It still bothers me, for example, to know that he was with her on Christmas, but I don't have the extreme anxiety or panic attacks the way I used to.

6:55 PM

Swan

dumbfounded2 - Yes, that is what I am saying, it is what Jim has suggested to so many, what Bill has recommended, etc.  It is very hard to do, women in general tend to be fixers, and we want to fix everyone's life around us, even when they don't think it needs to be fixed.  I can tell you from experience, my husband grew up having his older siblings cover for him (10 plus years age differences) because they thought they could handle his mother better than him as a little fella.  He somehow became his mother's favorite child and she made excuses for him during his teen years, then I came along and took over picking up, cleaning up and fixing his bad choices for 28 years of our time together.  He never had to be responsible for himself, even in the Marine Corps, he was an outstanding Marine and the few times he did get into trouble, I knew people who could make the trouble go away and yes I called in those favors in the name of protecting my family.  My husband pulled away from our children at first, but the past few years they have reconnected and have good relationships.  My children don't care for the other woman, but they tolerate her when they have to deal with her and their father appreciates how they handle themselves (it is the other woman who he doesn't like the attitude of in that case).  The relationship between him and his children has to be between them, if you force, as some have learned it becomes resented by both the spouse and children.

6:55 PM

buttons

Joey thanks, I will be glad when I get back to my normal lack of sleep since then my emotions tend to not go into chaos

6:56 PM

dogwood

hepsy I am so glad to see you coming in today.  I was thinking about much pain you are experiencing.  HUGS!!

6:56 PM

dumbfounded2

challenger 3 - I guess I panic for my kids because he has all but disappeared from their lives.  He is in such a fog.  This is a man that has loved his wife and kids to pieces and then suddenly went into No contact mode with everyone in his life.

6:57 PM

mas

slo What was the gum compatibility? I missed that.

6:57 PM

hepsy

dogwood - thank you...

6:57 PM

buttons

hepsy how are feeling today?

6:58 PM

slo

mas - It is hard, especially when h brings her up and talks about her, confides in me etc.  Of course now that he is not talking to me it may be a little easier. Thanks for the help.

6:58 PM

Joey

buttons if you are tired, it always makes things worse than they really are. I pray you have better sleep when you get more focused on God!

6:58 PM

dumbfounded2

slo Have you ever told him that you are not interested in his relationship with OW? 

7:00 PM

slo

mas -H told me he has never felt more compatible with anyone.  That they are very much alike, they have the same sense of humor and that she doesn't even chew gum and that she is the only woman he has ever known that doesn't see the sense in chewing gum.  He thinks there is no purpose in chewing gum and apparently she does too.  He sees her has his best friend.  That conversation was a little painful.

7:00 PM

challenger3

dumbfounded2 Trust me I understand where you are at.  My H adored the ground I walked on and could not bear to miss anytime with me or his kids.  If and when he comes out of this I am not sure which he regret more-missing all this time or the hurt he caused.  Anyway, I have to say let it go...The hardest thing to do but you cannot make someone be a father or mother, they have to want to be and sometimes when you let go is when they pick it up.  Again all in your timing but maybe that is one thing you should be working on.  I know I am a fixer and I pray that prayer almost daily-LORD do not let me fix anything in this situation.  Take my husband and you fix him not me.

7:00 PM

Joey

ALL, we have to remember IF someone comes in that is the one ACTUALLY in the MLC, it would allow us to have a better understanding of what our H's are going through. all needs respect and we needs to honor and respect the room bc it represents Jesus Christ.

7:01 PM

hepsy

swan - I know you are right. I have no excuse. I was making a poor choice last night. I am grateful for the support I receive here. And I want to be able to offer the same support to others.

7:01 PM

dumbfounded2

challenger3 - Yes, my prayer goes - Lord, keep me out of your way today! Amen!

7:01 PM

buttons

Joey I would have a decent sleep but for doing papers at 2am and the teaching full time, it's the nature of keeping things afloat the last two years, nearly, and the last 6 months have been roughest because when H came back injured this time I was working tons and not getting much sleep at all! my body is not used to get nearly enough sleep so it throws me out of whack

7:02 PM

mas

slo My H would do that too. I finally established MY boundaries and told him that whenever he brought her name up in conversation, it really bothered me a great deal. He apologized to me and said that he didn't realize how much it upset me.

7:02 PM

hepsy

hi  mas I did not see you there.

7:02 PM

Joey

buttons hmmm, it can adjust as things calm down on your behalf!!!  :)

7:02 PM

buttons

hespy allow this year to be a good one, one where you rely fully on God and focus on the good in your life

7:03 PM

slo

dumbfounded2 -He only started doing it this last time he was home, he started talking about the miscarriage and how she was handling it and then it just evolved into him confiding in me and telling me about things she was saying to OM and him. I got caught up in it kind of like when a friend needs to talk. It was a mixed blessing.  I wanted to be his friend, and I got to know what was going on. But now that he isn't home and she is texting and calling him I don't have to worry about it.

7:04 PM

buttons

Joey what can calm down?

7:04 PM

Joey

buttons your spirit, and that can make all the difference in the world  :)

7:05 PM

challenger3

All I will probably make it a few more times this week to chat-as long as computer works. However, please do keep me in your prayers.  My first court date is this week on the 4th as I mentioned earlier.  Can you all keep me in your prayers that day.  I am doing my best to give it to GOD and not worry as I know he has surrounded me with so much love and support but still decisions concerning my children are being put into the hands of a few lawyers and a judge.  Really need them to be with GOD as well.

7:05 PM

hepsy

all - I just pray that 2012 will be a year of spiritual growth and healing for us all.

7:05 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 continued..... I still do have the fear that their relationship is one of a real commitment, so you see, I continue to have my weaknesses after all.

7:05 PM

dogwood

hepsy  Our God can redeem and turn things around for better according to His perfect purpose.

7:05 PM

buttons

Joey you're right my spirit can adjust and usually it is fine, just getting enough sleep made me touchy

7:06 PM

Joey

buttons I'm feeling you on that one girlie!!!!

7:06 PM

hepsy

dogwood - for sure... with God, all things are possible.

7:06 PM

buttons

Joey thanks I try

7:07 PM

Joey

buttons :)  I pray you have the sweetest sleep tonight girlie!!!!

7:07 PM

buttons

Joey aside from papers I hope so too... :)

7:07 PM

hepsy

all - I would ask if you would pray specifically for physical healing for my body - I am still in a lot of pain from the fall I took on Christmas Eve. Thanks..

7:07 PM

dumbfounded2

challenger3 - I will keep you and your children in my prayers.  Trust in the Lord that things will happen the way they should.

7:08 PM

Joey

hepsy you got it!!!!

7:08 PM

dumbfounded2

hepsy  Feel better soon!

7:08 PM

Swan

hepsy - have you been to a doctor, is anything broken maybe.  Will keep you in prayer, but please if you haven't please get checked out.

7:08 PM

mas

slo Wow! What crazy talk!! I'm so sorry he got you so upset, but I know what you mean. My H had told me that we had absolutely nothing in common at all....This, after 26 years of marriage!

7:08 PM

buttons

for sure hepsy

7:09 PM

dumbfounded2

mas - After 26 years, you have 26 years together in COMMON!  Geez!

7:09 PM

slo

mas - Yep it will be 30 for us in February...one week before the court date.

7:09 PM

buttons

slo mine has told me things in the last two years, even though we've been intimate and seeming to reconnect

7:09 PM

hepsy

swan - yes.. my d took me to get a chest x-ray. They didn't see a fracture but suspect a deep bruise. It is very hard to cough, or take a deep breath.

7:10 PM

challenger3

mas, my biggest fear is that although I don't think this relationship is a real commitment but I also think it fits both of them perfectly right now due to the Alumni High School group.  They have all coupled up so no one is lonely when they get together.  I think what he is going to compare his life to is giving up people that have put up with his bad behavior versus asking for forgiveness from a lot of people and give up their friendship.  Honestly, if me and the kids were just up against an OW I think I would be OK but I believe that I am up against a whole bunch of friends who are in their own way the OW and none of them liked me because I was not from their high school.

7:10 PM

slo

buttons -I do believe a lot of it was like talking to a friend.  Which I guess it good...in a way...

7:10 PM

buttons

slo he said to me just last week that the marriage has been dead for two years, he told his bf that we weren't being intimate....

7:10 PM

hepsy

mas - hope you are doing well. I haven’t talked to you in awhile. Perhaps I will give you a call tomorrow.

7:10 PM

challenger3

slo, all I can say is that the one good thing he said is that they were a lot alike.  Eventually that does get boring and stale.

7:10 PM

buttons

slo as long as he's talking and it's like a friend then that is good

7:11 PM

Swan

All - it is past closing time, please wrap up your comments and remember to keep one another in prayer this week.

7:11 PM

mas

hepsy @07 Oh dear, I didn't know about your fall. What happened?

7:11 PM

dogwood

hepsy is your chest pain related to your fall?

7:12 PM

Joey

Swan, I was waiting on your lead on that.  :)

7:12 PM

slo

buttons -I do think it was important to try to be his friend. Even if it entailed listening to him vent about OW. Now we will see if he misses talking to me.

7:12 PM

buttons

Happy New Year ALL     Thanks swan for listening and Joey for being there tonight... take care

7:12 PM

hepsy

dogwood - yes..

7:12 PM

buttons

slo for sure... take care

7:12 PM

challenger3

slo-exactly

7:12 PM

Swan

Joey - I lost track of time, just noticed - LOL

7:12 PM

hepsy

mas - I will call you tomorrow and I will give you the details.

7:12 PM

mas

dumbfounded2 Yup! Ha! Ha!

7:12 PM

hepsy

all - it was nice chatting. Thank you for your grace. I love you all.

7:13 PM

challenger3

good night hepsy

7:13 PM

mas

slo It will be 31 for us as of this year. We are not divorced.

7:13 PM

mas

hepsy Okay that would be great.

7:15 PM

Swan

Goodnight all, please join us again tomorrow night for chat with Bill

7:16 PM

mas

buttons Have a good night and Happy New Year.

7:16 PM

buttons

you too mas

7:16 PM

buttons

thanks again Joey

7:16 PM

Joey

love to all, sweet sleep to all!!!

7:16 PM

challenger3

good night all

6:50 PM

buttons

Joey H had gone to bed early, then around 4am, after I'd gotten to bed at 12 and a bit, his cell phone rings, twice, he gets up and spends two hours on computer and his cell texting... I went to other room to sleep... got woken when he went back to bed, then when S came home from work, then when H got up in morning... the one night where normally I can have a whole night sleep all at one time I didn't and I was hurt and upset to boot

6:55 PM

Joey

buttons, mlc makes men/women nuts. they act like teenager and can't focus. they live for the fantasy of the chase. feeling like they are sneaking and getting away with things. Keep your eyes above the physical and look unto the hills where YOUR help comes from.

 

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Chat Room Acronyms

Guests often use acronyms to speed up their conversations. Here are a few examples for you:

I have been S from my H for 2 years. We have 3 children, S8, S13, and D16.
I have been Separated from my Husband for 2 years. We have 3 children, Son age 8, Son age 13, Daughter age 16.
  OW = Other Woman   AW  = Adulteress Woman   W  = Wife   OP = other person
  OM  = Other Man   AM  = Adulteress Man   H  = Husband   LBS = Left behind spouse
  D = divorce or daughter   S = son or sister or separated   XW  = ex-wife   GF = Girl Friend
  DIL = daughter-in-law   SIL = Sister-in-law or Son-in-law   XH  = ex-husband   BF = Boy Friend
  MIL = mother-in-law   MLC = Midlife Crisis   PG = Praise God   CS = Child Support
  FIL = father-in-law   MLD = Midlife Dimensions Ministry   PTL = Praise the Lord   ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  w/ = with   w/e = weekend   b/c = because   
  w/o = without   BRB / be right back   LOL / laughing out loud